I have a 4 1/2 year old who is fairly high functioning (now, after 4 years of early intervention), but he really struggles with social behaviors. He wants to interact with other children, but he approaches them in ways that just extend beyond "odd" or "unexpected". He might walk over and take a toy from their hands, or kick their blocks all over the place, or in less intrusive instances he might start growling or making high pitched screeching noises. When the children become upset or make fun of him, he doesn't understand why and he then becomes angry and aggressive with them. He might hit them or something along those lines. The whole thing typically escalates to the point where he needs to be moved to a different area away from the other children, and he doesn't understand why the other children aren't receiving a consequence. I think he feels like he's trying to be playful, and then gets in trouble for it, and he doesn't understand what went wrong.
He's finishing his last year in a special needs preschool where he receives a lot of adult facilitation in his interactions. After this summer, however, he would be placed in an inclusive environment with limited aide support (because he's so "high functioning") For many reasons, including that, I've chosen to homeschool him after preschool. I just cannot see our local elementary school being able to support him in the way he needs. I cannot imagine him being around typical children for 7 hours a day, every day.
My question is, how can I socialize him? I do not want to isolate him (he loves people), but I also do not want him to have constant negative interactions with other children. He's starting to realize that children exclude him when there is not an adult following him around 1:1 helping him. He's also starting to ask why I have to seperate him from his 18 month old brother constantly (for safety.)
His teacher wrote me a note last week informing me that she had to shadow him all day to keep the other kids safe. He was just being too bossy and aggressive with them to be left alone. When I asked him about his day, he said it was good, and didn't seem to be aware of his behavior at all. He didn't seem be aware that he was bothering children, let alone being unsafe all day long. When I try to help him to understand what is going on, and that there's a problem, I think that all he's hearing is "there's something wrong with you" and he feels that I am hurting his feelings just to be mean. I don't know how else to try to teach him that other children have thoughts and feelings too, and that his behavior is not only going to get him nowhere with his peers, but it's also unsafe.
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do after preschool ends and we're on our own in this department. I don't want to isolate him, but I also don't feel like there is any social scenario available to him that can actually be positive. I might sign him up for a homeschool art/gym class, but it's hard to picture it working out. The children might be more accepting, since they are less peer oriented, but I feel that I should only expect them to put up with so much. He's very interested in STEM type things, but other children his age are not (they want to color and have circle time), so there aren't any social activities revolving around his interests available yet. I did sign him up for "jr scientists", but they canceled it due to lack of interest.
Anyway, what is your opinion? How do I provide him with the best possible scenario here? Should I maybe severely limit his social activities for awhile and just avoid all of this until maybe he's had a chance to mature a bit? Maybe wait until he's a little older and might have a better oppurtunity to socialize around specific interests? I just don't even know, honestly.
BTW, I'm on the spectrum as well, so I do understand what he is going through. I still don't know how to help him though. I have coped with social issues by isolating myself, and I just got depressed and lonely. But then when I try to "put myself out there" I just end up frustrated and angry - so I just do not know what to do for him.
Please understand that I only want what's best for him - whatever that is. I don't care about him being like other children or anything like that, and I certainly wouldn't want him to feel like he has to change himself to gain peer approval - but I do feel like there is a level of common curtisy and safety that we all need to learn and maintain if we're going to have social relationships, which I believe is what he wants. He told me that he wants to move to a "neighborhood" (we're rural right now) because he "loves all the people". It just breaks my heart. The whole thing.
Thanks
He's finishing his last year in a special needs preschool where he receives a lot of adult facilitation in his interactions. After this summer, however, he would be placed in an inclusive environment with limited aide support (because he's so "high functioning") For many reasons, including that, I've chosen to homeschool him after preschool. I just cannot see our local elementary school being able to support him in the way he needs. I cannot imagine him being around typical children for 7 hours a day, every day.
My question is, how can I socialize him? I do not want to isolate him (he loves people), but I also do not want him to have constant negative interactions with other children. He's starting to realize that children exclude him when there is not an adult following him around 1:1 helping him. He's also starting to ask why I have to seperate him from his 18 month old brother constantly (for safety.)
His teacher wrote me a note last week informing me that she had to shadow him all day to keep the other kids safe. He was just being too bossy and aggressive with them to be left alone. When I asked him about his day, he said it was good, and didn't seem to be aware of his behavior at all. He didn't seem be aware that he was bothering children, let alone being unsafe all day long. When I try to help him to understand what is going on, and that there's a problem, I think that all he's hearing is "there's something wrong with you" and he feels that I am hurting his feelings just to be mean. I don't know how else to try to teach him that other children have thoughts and feelings too, and that his behavior is not only going to get him nowhere with his peers, but it's also unsafe.
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do after preschool ends and we're on our own in this department. I don't want to isolate him, but I also don't feel like there is any social scenario available to him that can actually be positive. I might sign him up for a homeschool art/gym class, but it's hard to picture it working out. The children might be more accepting, since they are less peer oriented, but I feel that I should only expect them to put up with so much. He's very interested in STEM type things, but other children his age are not (they want to color and have circle time), so there aren't any social activities revolving around his interests available yet. I did sign him up for "jr scientists", but they canceled it due to lack of interest.
Anyway, what is your opinion? How do I provide him with the best possible scenario here? Should I maybe severely limit his social activities for awhile and just avoid all of this until maybe he's had a chance to mature a bit? Maybe wait until he's a little older and might have a better oppurtunity to socialize around specific interests? I just don't even know, honestly.
BTW, I'm on the spectrum as well, so I do understand what he is going through. I still don't know how to help him though. I have coped with social issues by isolating myself, and I just got depressed and lonely. But then when I try to "put myself out there" I just end up frustrated and angry - so I just do not know what to do for him.
Please understand that I only want what's best for him - whatever that is. I don't care about him being like other children or anything like that, and I certainly wouldn't want him to feel like he has to change himself to gain peer approval - but I do feel like there is a level of common curtisy and safety that we all need to learn and maintain if we're going to have social relationships, which I believe is what he wants. He told me that he wants to move to a "neighborhood" (we're rural right now) because he "loves all the people". It just breaks my heart. The whole thing.
Thanks
