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How do Aspies celebrate Valentine's Day?

It's the only holiday I outright hate. I see it as a long-standing tradition to get laid without any emotional attachment to who you're banging, so long as you jump on the bandwagon. Then the one year I wanted to actually celebrate Valentines' after I married, my psychotic mother-in-law wanted all the grandchildren dressed as Chippendale dancers for a stupid photograph, and saw to it was I was threatened with physical violence and homelessness if because I didn't comply and focused instead on making a hot supper for my husband who at the time was working himself into the ground to keep the bills paid. So, no, I do not celebrate the holiday and I'd be much happier if it didn't exist.
 
I don't recognize the majority of holidays: the only ones remotely relevant to me are Canada Day, Remembrance Day, and Victoria Day. The last is only because my birthday is about that time.

So, for St. Valentine's Day I just ignore it, just like most of the rest of them.
 
It baffles me that couples need to rely on a mandated 'holiday' to express and/or show appreciation for their partner. And that failing to buy into that causes such drama. It's absurd.
 
Well my boyfriend and I won't be be doing anything but that's more a 'this is a stupid commercialisation protest' than anything (from both of us) and last year I was in another city. But my parents and I would go my mum is borderline Aspergers, have been together 25 years and as long as I remember and I'm 20 they've never done anything to celebrate.
 
The last time I had to worry about Valentine's Day it went badly, as I forgot it was also her birthday, which made forgetting so much worse

After a decade I am now faced with remembering it this year, however, my partner is an aspie and may just as likely forget or say 'it doesn't matter honey'. But wait, she is also female and sixty years has taught me that when a female says 'it doesn't matter' you'd best believe it is the most important thing ever and forgetting will see you sleeping outside for a year.

Dilemma :eek:
 
Thesaurusrex -- I agree. If he was expressing and/or showing appreciation for me every other day, V-day wouldn't loom with such significance for me. I'm honestly thinking of moving on. I feel lonely most of the time with him. Feb 14 is just another day and it would be fake for him to suddenly be the affectionate person I want.
 
Celebrating Valentine's Day the Grumpy Cat way! :)

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Thesaurusrex said:
It baffles me that couples need to rely on a mandated 'holiday' to express and/or show appreciation for their partner. And that failing to buy into that causes such drama. It's absurd.
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Agreed.
Keeping in mind that Aspies and NTs might communicate their appreciation in radically different ways. It seems many NT/Aspie relationships fail on this point.
 
zurb said:
Agreed.
Keeping in mind that Aspies and NTs might communicate their appreciation in radically different ways. It seems many NT/Aspie relationships fail on this point.
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It's because it's a tradition. NT's also compare notes too. At least the women do. They always ask each other what they did for Valentine's Day and see who can outdo the other. The commercials on TV don't make it any better and the stores really play it up too. And the radio, as well. One thing that these holidays like Valentine's Day do, though, is try to make people a little more aware that they should be doing something nice for their partners because with the way that life is being so hectic, people don't really take the time to appreciate the people in their lives as much as they should.
 
I just decided I want to get married! :) All this Valentine's Day talk just puts me in the mood I guess. I'm watching this show called "Married At First Sight" and it's where people are matched up with someone that has a lot of the same interests and personalities and they don't meet each other until their wedding day. They agree to stay married for about 4-6 weeks then decide if they want to stay married or get divorced. This may sound strange, but these "arranged marriages" are actually working out. The show is following them through their first year of marriage and, of course, they have rough patches, but when you're married you are more wanting to work things out to keep the relationship intact. I think I would actually like to have an arranged marriage. The thought of having to date a bunch of people to find someone that you think may be the one just makes me tired and GRUMPY.
 
daisychain said:
Thesaurusrex -- I agree. If he was expressing and/or showing appreciation for me every other day, V-day wouldn't loom with such significance for me. I'm honestly thinking of moving on. I feel lonely most of the time with him. Feb 14 is just another day and it would be fake for him to suddenly be the affectionate person I want.
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If you are not getting what you want/expect out of the relationship, you really have two options: Express yourself and instigate a conversation about what you both require from the relationship, or end the relationship. It is unfair to both parties to hold heavy expectations and resenting the other when those are not met.

Also, what zurb pointed out is worth noting - people (whether aspie or NT) express appreciation, affection and love differently. Not noticing efforts can be just as much the root of a problem.

Ultimately, putting so much weight on a holiday is ridiculous, whether you are NT or ASD.
 
My ideal Valentine's day would be a normal day without celebrations since both romance and change in schedule stress me so much. In the past when i dated NT's i tried hard to do the things they wanted in order to make them happy but it was so awful. BUT i can tell you that the day after is always a celebration because i buy a super expensive strawberry-vanilla heart-shaped cake in half price from the cake shop here and enjoing it.
 
Good advice, T-rex. I think I'm also putting a lot of "weight" on this holiday because it's my first one post-separation. Poor boy has no idea. Least I can do is talk to him honestly about what I'm feeling/expecting.
 
I like routine and knowing what will happen when. I'd rather have a specified date to work to rather than just randomly and unexpectedly doing something special or having something special done for me. I would enjoy being given and giving a card and gift on Valentines day but would be happy to pick a date other than the 14th of Feb to do that.

I don't like or need suprises and would be happy to make a list of what I would/wouldn't like regarding occasions such as Valentines day and Birthdays. I'd also be happy to have a list of what my boyf would/wouldn't like as it think it would make things a whole lot easier.
 
daisychain said:
Good advice, T-rex. I think I'm also putting a lot of "weight" on this holiday because it's my first one post-separation. Poor boy has no idea. Least I can do is talk to him honestly about what I'm feeling/expecting.
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Hi (daisychain) You say: "honey do you know what day it is today?"
I say: " Uum...Monday?", and start looking for the paper to see if I'm right. We live on another planet most of the time, you want something nice advance warning and a good discription of what will make you happy will be required, even most Nt guys are bad on this.:rolleyes:....:eek:..:confused:...:mad:....:(
 
Malestrom -- great idea.

Update: I told him I didn't really want to go to the party, but maybe we could get together Sunday (since we both have President's Day off). He was psyched for that plan. And I got home from work today, and I see a box at my door -- popcorn! Which I love. And the note said "happy Feb 14".

Which I think is really nice that he did it before the Big Day and he sent me something I like.

I feel better now. Thanks everyone for reading and posting.
 
So far, this is going to be my first Valentine's Day in almost a decade where I am single (like the last time I was single for Valentines Day was 2005). I imagine I'll spend it with family like I usually do. Lol
 
My boyfriend an I are in Atlantic city right now "celebrating" early since we both have to work on valentine's day. However, in the past I have done some things he had found odd like buying him flowers and candy.
Overall, I'm not a big fan of valentine's day.
 
Frankly I figure just one day a year is plenty to PAY homage to the confectionery industry.

Homage to friends, family and lovers? Probably a bit more frequently, but not tied to any one date. Or pricetag. Whatever your neurology may be.
 
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AsheSkyler said:
It's the only holiday I outright hate. I see it as a long-standing tradition to get laid without any emotional attachment to who you're banging, so long as you jump on the bandwagon. Then the one year I wanted to actually celebrate Valentines' after I married, my psychotic mother-in-law wanted all the grandchildren dressed as Chippendale dancers for a stupid photograph, and saw to it was I was threatened with physical violence and homelessness if because I didn't comply and focused instead on making a hot supper for my husband who at the time was working himself into the ground to keep the bills paid. So, no, I do not celebrate the holiday and I'd be much happier if it didn't exist.
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Wow, I wasn't aware of this tradition. Doesn't sound like a good one anyway. :)
 
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