How did you guys and gals deal with autism during teenage years?

[Nacho]

I struggle a lot. I'm 18 years old. Soon 19. And I go really really slow with everything to try to hurt my own feelings as less as possible. That is the way I roll right now. I get depressed a lot due to natural reasons like death and love, but staying in this forum has helped me a bit.

 

[bowski]

I didn't get diagnosed until age 25, so I had no idea what was "wrong/different" about me in high school. I was depressed and there was a lot of anxiety, so I drank. A lot. I dropped out of school and drank away my teenage years. Not recommended. It is probably my biggest regret today, not finishing school, and not seeking any advice or help for my struggles while being 16-17 years old.

 

[Goatscoat]

How I didn't deal with it is probably the correct way to put it, I had very frequent meltdowns and I had been struggling to understand classmates ever since I was very very young.
From as young as 6 I felt very afar from other people, around 12/13 I was frequently having a lot of issues with guilt because I'd often get told I was a horrible person and I honestly couldn't understand what I had ever done wrong. When I started understanding the things I said hurt people... I built up immeasurable guilt and ended up feeling like a horrible person for many years, then came high school, by then I made a conscious decision to be the best person I could possibly be... But then I got bullied instead and started having really intense anxiety + the aforementioned frequent meltdowns, when I was 17 I dropped out & I haven't had any normal occupations since then.

Overall, it was way too much for me to deal with & I had zero chances of making it through high school because my parents were negligent and going through a divorce. They only started paying attention to my frequent cries for help when I called them after a school trip and said that I wouldn't be going back to school anytime soon & demanded a consultation with a psychologist.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I didn't know any better. It was hinted by my mother that maybe I have asperger's but it never went any further than that until recently, so I just went with what came naturally to me which was playing lots and lots of computer games. And at school I learnt to mimic the popular kids in order to gain friendships.

 

[Datura]

Undiagnose, but I dealth with my junior high by isolating myself from everyone else at school. I would absorb myself in my work during class time and read or wander about aimlessly during luch. I was something of a teacher's pet, which is not great for one's popularity, but I hated me peer group so it was no major loss. I did sometimes wish I had more friends, but I frankly didn't know how and wasn't willing to compromise my ethics to fit in. I did have a couple of friend who I frequently saw after school though, so I wasn't completely without a social life.

In high school I had one good, nerdy friend with whom I spent a great deal of time. He was part of a clique of other "odd ducks" who would hang out under the stairs, and ergo so was I. This expanded my social life somewhat, but not greatly. I also formed a band with a childhood friend, so that helped.

Unfortunately, my grades started slipping in high school, which caused me a lot of anxiety. I did poorly in elementary, but very well in junior high and had come to identify quite strongly as "the smart kid". Part of this was due to me never learning to study properly. Simply doing the homework wasn't enough any more, and frankly, I had also become a procrastinator on that from as well.

I also desired to fit in much more during this period. I actually liked most of my peers for the first time ever. This probably had as much to do with the greater maturity of high school students as it did the exceptionally open-minded culture of ths school itself. I just couldn't do it though. Approaching people I wanted to be friends with was almost physically impossible. I didn't know what to say, or if my approach would be welcome. Trying to insert myself into a clique I often found the gossip and inuendos went right over my head.

Through my entire childhood one of my major coping mechanism was stimming. I would hide in my room and shake a dog collar for hours on end. While I did this I would make up fictional cultures and ecosystems, or replay fantasy scenarios over and over in my head. I would sometimes get upset with myself because this was such a waste of time and it isolated me, but I cannot understate what a relief it was.


So, in summation, how did I deal? Not very well, but I did find solace in my school work, reading, a few good friends, and escape into my own very private world.

 

[AspiePie]

The teenage years always suck no matter who you are... But when you get to collage my brother discovered things get incredibly cool!

 

[Walsie]

Awkwardly. I was the epitome of awkwardness, especially when I tried to fit in, but fortunately those lame attempts were few. I didn't know what was wrong with me, except I had been diagnosed with 'something wrong' when I was a baby. I thought it was my fault I couldn't fit in and nobody liked me, including my siblings. Not cool enough, not interesting enough, not pretty enough, not good at anything, not smart enough, not tidy enough, not graceful enough, not artistic enough: I thought I was just faulty and inferior, period. I was told often enough what an embarrassment I was, well into adulthood. My siblings excluded me from many events which they think I know nothing about.

Fortunately, most of my classmates bored me with their incomprehensible chatter about nothing, so my one friend and I kept to ourselves and looked to the future. Many of my interests I kept to myself, but I did like romance, boys, movies and pop music, too, which oddly enough, my friend was NOT into.

The teenage years always suck no matter who you are... But when you get to collage my brother discovered things get incredibly cool!

I thought it would be better when I went to college, but alas, I was treated with the same contempt, was mocked and was ostracised there, too. The Christian group turned out the same, and I eventually left. I realised then that the few friends I made were precious people indeed, and people would always think I'm stupid.

 

[Marmot]

During my teenage years of HS & university (which I consider the worst and most stressful 8 years of my life) I personally found that long distance running was the only thing that would equalize the pressure / keep my head from imploding so I got hyper-focused on that and ended up running marathons from age 16 onward as a pure stress reducer and nothing else. I may have beat up my knees a little bit putting as many miles on them as I did before my body was fully developed, but I think that was a better alternative to drugs & alcohol which I know a lot of AS & NT's turn to.....

When I was in that time period of my life, I would (literally) run like Forrest Gump until I got tired and then turn around and go home.

 

[Walsie]

During my teenage years of HS & university (which I consider the worst and most stressful 8 years of my life) I personally found that long distance running was the only thing that would equalize the pressure / keep my head from imploding so I got hyper-focused on that and ended up running marathons from age 16 onward as a pure stress reducer and nothing else. I may have beat up my knees a little bit putting as many miles on them as I did before my body was fully developed, but I think that was a better alternative to drugs & alcohol which I know a lot of AS & NT's turn to.....

When I was in that time period of my life, I would (literally) run like Forrest Gump until I got tired and then turn around and go home.

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Good for you! I hope your knees aren't too beat up. Pilates would help. It certainly helped me mitigate the damage from Irish Dancing and having skewed hips, which I have had since I was a child since one leg is significantly (not just a little) shorter than the other. A few years ago I developed a nasty limp, which people usually get from car accidents or injury, but my personal trainer fixed it. As long as I do the stretches, it won't come back.

I turned to books, documentaries, and Doctor Who myself. Also drawing, even though I wasn't any good. Did you win any races, or was it a dedicated hobby?

 

[Marmot]

Did you win any races, or was it a dedicated hobby?

It was so much more than a hobby, but I never cared about the competitive aspects of running: I ran to make myself tired which is a double edged sword due to the fact that the more you run, the better shape you get in which means you have to run even farther the next time to achieve the same level of exhaustion......

Since aspies have these hyperactive minds that get exhausted way before the body, I think what I was trying to do was push my body so that my level of physical exhaustion exceeded my level of mental exhaustion. This state of being (ie: being physically exhausted) is and always will be incredibly calming for me.

 

[Jake Elson]

This may seem strange, but even though I was diagnosed at 8, I didn't know what it was until I was around 13/14. Strangely, I assumed everyone was the same as I was! lol. okay, maybe that's too broad, I knew I was different to others and preferred my own company to group gatherings (still do to an extent), But I felt as if I was just like anyone else. It wasn't until High School I began to understand who I was. In all fairness, it didn't change much, I still believe I am just like anyone else.
Also, being in an Army family helped a lot, constantly moving every few years got me used to new surroundings - I still have issues adjusting, but it is minor compared to what it used to be. Also, changing from a public to Catholic education helped a lot, not the education but the kids were a lot more receptive and welcoming. That's not to say I didn't have blue spells, I just prefer not to dwell on them for certain reasons.

 

[Elpis]

For pretty much all of high school. I more or less toned myself down and tried to act "normal" and I guess more like an NT in order to fit in. I was afraid that people wouldn't like the real me or be disgusted by it since I didn't have the usual interests of other people. I still kept my interests I just never mentioned them to people unless they directly asked and they almost never did. I fit in, but looking back on it. I wasn't really that happy. In senior year, I more or less withdrew from socializing and things were rough. But I got through it and I'm pretty happy now.

 

[Walsie]

It was so much more than a hobby, but I never cared about the competitive aspects of running: I ran to make myself tired which is a double edged sword due to the fact that the more you run, the better shape you get in which means you have to run even farther the next time to achieve the same level of exhaustion......

Since aspies have these hyperactive minds that get exhausted way before the body, I think what I was trying to do was push my body so that my level of physical exhaustion exceeded my level of mental exhaustion. This state of being (ie: being physically exhausted) is and always will be incredibly calming for me.

That sounds intense, no wonder you messed up your knees. I imagine you got exhausted easily, which compounded the problem, but at least you found a solution.

Also, being in an Army family helped a lot, constantly moving every few years got me used to new surroundings - I still have issues adjusting, but it is minor compared to what it used to be. Also, changing from a public to Catholic education helped a lot, not the education but the kids were a lot more receptive and welcoming. That's not to say I didn't have blue spells, I just prefer not to dwell on them for certain reasons.

Must have been difficult to be the new kid all the time, but at least able to have a chance to make a new start. Did you move to different countries as well? How long were you in the Catholic school?

For pretty much all of high school. I more or less toned myself down and tried to act "normal" and I guess more like an NT in order to fit in. I was afraid that people wouldn't like the real me or be disgusted by it since I didn't have the usual interests of other people. I still kept my interests I just never mentioned them to people unless they directly asked and they almost never did. I fit in, but looking back on it. I wasn't really that happy. In senior year, I more or less withdrew from socializing and things were rough. But I got through it and I'm pretty happy now.

Wise of you to not mention your interests cos people like to use them against you. Fitting in takes a lot of energy. I bet you were exhausted.

Many of my interests were in keeping with most people, but I chose to be myself. I didn't know how to 'pass' and didn't have the energy to try. Sure enough, I was soundly rejected.

 

[Jake Elson]

That sounds intense, no wonder you messed up your knees. I imagine you got exhausted easily, which compounded the problem, but at least you found a solution.



Must have been difficult to be the new kid all the time, but at least able to have a chance to make a new start. Did you move to different countries as well? How long were you in the Catholic school?



Wise of you to not mention your interests cos people like to use them against you. Fitting in takes a lot of energy. I bet you were exhausted.

Many of my interests were in keeping with most people, but I chose to be myself. I didn't know how to 'pass' and didn't have the energy to try. Sure enough, I was soundly rejected.

Unfortunatley, as my Dad was in the Australian army, I didn't get the opportunity to go to other countries, I often joke the only overseas place I have lived is Tasmania! But yeah, it did give me that opportunity to start anew. I was in the Catholic System from Year 7 to the end of Year 12 (although I re-did year eleven, nothing to do with bad grades, it was due to differing start dates), which some will say is far too long!

 

[Walsie]

Unfortunatley, as my Dad was in the Australian army, I didn't get the opportunity to go to other countries, I often joke the only overseas place I have lived is Tasmania! But yeah, it did give me that opportunity to start anew. I was in the Catholic System from Year 7 to the end of Year 12 (although I re-did year eleven, nothing to do with bad grades, it was due to differing start dates), which some will say is far too long!

Oh, man, seriously? Well, you got to see the country, then, unless you were stuck in the cities. Tassie is cold all year, too.

I went through the Catholic school system, too, but unfortunately my secondary school was anything but tolerant and receptive; it was in fact racist and sexist.

 

[Jake Elson]

Oh, man, seriously? Well, you got to see the country, then, unless you were stuck in the cities. Tassie is cold all year, too.

I went through the Catholic school system, too, but unfortunately my secondary school was anything but tolerant and receptive; it was in fact racist and sexist.

It depends on the school, as every catholic school isn't run by the church per se (even though they have a very high level of influence, I remember at the high school in my home town scrapped PE for Yr11 above because the Archishop thought we werent getting enough RE lessons! , but the individual orders which have their own interpretation. The Marist brothers ad the Mercy Sisters are generally the more open groups whereas the Christian Brothers are the more hell-fire, conform of burn, racist and backward order.
It also depends on the type of teachers at the school and the Principal - they get a lot of say on the schools agenda

 

[Marmot]

Also, changing from a public to Catholic education helped a lot, not the education but the kids were a lot more receptive and welcoming .

I don't know if this is getting off topic, but I too went thru 12 years of private Catholic education and while the religious aspect of it is a conversation for another day, I'm grateful to my parents beyond all recognition for choosing that path for me as compared to putting me thru the public school system in America. I would never admit this when I was younger, but I loved the strict discipline and schedule, I loved wearing a uniform and not having to worry about fashion / what to wear every day, and I loved the fact that the Dean of Students in my High School was an MP in the Vietnam War turned priest who took no flak from anyone & made sure that bullying didn't happen in his school.

 

[Jake Elson]

It is certainly not off topic, its always good to hear other opinions!

 

[Walsie]

It depends on the school, as every catholic school isn't run by the church per se (even though they have a very high level of influence, I remember at the high school in my home town scrapped PE for Yr11 above because the Archishop thought we werent getting enough RE lessons! , but the individual orders which have their own interpretation. The Marist brothers ad the Mercy Sisters are generally the more open groups whereas the Christian Brothers are the more hell-fire, conform of burn, racist and backward order.
It also depends on the type of teachers at the school and the Principal - they get a lot of say on the schools agenda

Indeed principals do, which is why my school went backwards compared to when my older sister went. Ironic given how politically correct he was. Many of the good teachers left during his tenure.

Your archbishop sounded potty; getting rid of PE is a very bad idea. That's one good thing my school had; we had to take PE all the way through. I was no good at sport, but it got us out of the classroom. Of course, some of the popular girls 'got out of it' every single time.

I don't know if this is getting off topic, but I too went thru 12 years of private Catholic education and while the religious aspect of it is a conversation for another day, I'm grateful to my parents beyond all recognition for choosing that path for me as compared to putting me thru the public school system in America. I would never admit this when I was younger, but I loved the strict discipline and schedule, I loved wearing a uniform and not having to worry about fashion / what to wear every day, and I loved the fact that the Dean of Students in my High School was an MP in the Vietnam War turned priest who took no flak from anyone & made sure that bullying didn't happen in his school.

Your dean is such a character, I bet he had so many stories to tell. I was glad too for the uniforms, since we were poor and my mother liked dorky clothes, but discipline wasn't strict except for uniform; wearing socks over the horrid stockings that did nothing to combat the cold merited a detention. It sucked having to wear a skirt or dress everyday, too, but it beat having to worry what to wear everyday, that's for sure. At the end of Year 12 we could choose to wear either; I was one of the few girls who still wore the uniform until the very last day.

 

[Progster]

At about the age of 13 I became very aware of how different I was to my peers and of the fact that they were treating me differently, mainly ignoring me or excluding me. I became aware of the fact that my classmates only ever spoke to me to say "hi" but were never interested in talking to me beyond that. I started to really resent the fact that they would greet me and maybe ask me how I was, and then spend the rest of the day ignoring me. I would rather they didn't speak to me at all, rather than have these superficial meaningless conversations, so I started to withdraw, avoid all contact with others and prefer to be alone, or with another girl who I was friends with. I want through a mild depression and barely spoke to anyone beyond the bare necessities for a period of about 6 months. I focused on my studies, on my interests, and only really spoke to one or two select people at school. At home I was often tired, moody and grumpy and often didn't speak much, and wanted to be on my own a lot.

I was also a tomboy, with completely different interests to those of other girls my age. All my classmates had pictures of actors/actresses up on their bedroom walls, I had a picture of a lone wolf howling at the moon. I saw a friend outside of school on occasion, or went on school trips to the theatre, etc, but apart from that I didn't have a social life.

I remember that the 6th form common room was divided (inofficially) in 2 areas: one area where all the trendy kids would hang out, and one where the more studious, quiet kids would sit. I never went into the trendy side, and went and sat with a group of quieter students, but I mainly just sat there, I wasn't able to join in with their conversations, it felt as if there was a big glass wall between them and me, a bit like when you watch TV. I just couldn't connect with them.