How can I deal with being spoken to by baby talk from people?

[dancerxoxo123]

I am 27 and I am high functioning autistic and was born with borderline intellectual functioning which is an iq that is close to intellectual disability. My parents talk to me like a baby voice to me and won't let me be independent. What can I do about this because I am clearly not mentally retarded.

 

[Progster]

Speak to them. Tell them that it bothers you and how it makes you feel. If it's hard for you to express your feelings verbally, you could write it down. Think about how they can help you to become independent, and then discuss it with them.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Writing can be very powerful. I don't know about you, but I can formulate ideas (and get them across) better when there's a backspace key and a time-buffer between their reaction and mine.

 

[Luca]

Oh no, I'm so sorry your parents do this to you. My mom still uses baby talk with me sometimes even though I am an adult living independently. It's so annoying.

I agree with the others that putting your thoughts into writing may be an easier way to communicate this to them. I am much more well-spoken in writing, personally.

 

[Bolletje]

I agree with writing. You can keep it short and simple, or go into more detail.

A format I like to use to enforce my boundaries:

When you do (…) it makes me feel (…). I would prefer if you do (…) in the future instead.

 

[Rodafina]

@dancerxoxo123

Is it comfortable for you to speak to them assertively and explain why you dislike this so much? Have you ever mentioned to them before that this bothers you?

Telling them verbally or writing it down with some of the advice from above sounds like a good plan to me. It sounds extremely annoying to have people do this to you.

 

[TBRS1]

If you don't like it, tell them.

If you can't tell, write.

If you can't write, find a sympathetic go-between.

You don't need to be treated as if you have problems you don't actually have.

People (who aren't us) sometimes need to be told things in a way that they are able to hear you, even through the noise created by ASD.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I agree with writing. Sometimes it's the only way for other people to just shut their mouths and actually focus upon the message without constantly interrupting you. Sometimes it's the only way we can have a meaningful dialogue without the anxiety of an actual face-to-face.

On the other hand, you do have to be careful with some people because many are used to reading a statement, then trying to "read between the lines". Some people are masters at twisting the message so that THEY are the victim. "So, what you're trying to say is..." Then they put you on your heels trying to defend something you didn't say, at all. (Which I find quite upsetting.).

My advice, just be as direct and blunt as you can. Tell them in your letter, to not read between the lines. Say what you mean. Get to the heart of the matter. They're going to be upset and defensive, regardless. Expect that, but try not to get into defending "something you didn't say at all" situation.

 

[kenaij]

This is not really going to help in your situation but a funny story about something similar I remembered when reading the title of this post. I’m a janitor at a Highschool. For context I have an IQ around 135, school just never clicked for me so diploma wise I don’t have too much, but I’m really good at my job to the point where I don’t only do janitor work but also do things like teachers assistants and councilors normally do.

There was this new boss who just started working for the school. Talked normally to everyone until she needed to ask me for something. She asked as if I was a small child or retard. So I started to forcefully drool and clap me hands. In a retarded tone I said (translated from Dutch) “me think me can do”
I saw the doubt in her eyes and I turned back to my regular face and voice.
“If you talk to me like I’m retarded I will start acting retarded” “I’m going to walk away now and if you need anything from me you can try again.”

she acted normally towards me from that moment.