Hi Everyone! I would like to share thoughts on alcohol and Aspies

[Voirrey]

Hi,

I am a widow with a partner of just over five years. In my marriage I brought up two step children for over 15 years. The eldest, a boy, was diagnosed with Aspergers and is very typical. The younger, a girl, has ADHD and was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum.

My partner, is 69 years old, and a lovely chap. over the years I have noticed his 'quaint' ways and obsessive routines, and it has crossed my mind that he may well also have Aspergers. His son, works with autistic youngsters and agrees on this probability.

My partner has been a life long heavy drinker, and some people think he is alcoholic. As I write he is in hospital following severe reaction to alcohol withdrawal.

This was brought about when a new GP ( unaware of how much my partner drank) suggested he cut back. My partner took this very literally and cut back enormously and is now suffering as a result.

I have thought this all over whilst he has been in hospital and have thoughts I want to share.

If he is Aspie - could it be that he is NOT an alcoholic, and that it is just another of his routines and habits?? He was very precise about the format of his drinking, which glass, where he was, what time, and how long for.......

I wonder if the spell in hospital will have broken this habit, and now he will be able to reformat his life without alcohol.

Hopefully, he will not have the lifelong problems that a recovering alcoholic has, because, perhaps, just perhaps, he never was an alcoholic - he had just got into a typically aspergers habit...

Any thoughts on this would be so gratefully appreciated.......

 

[Rocco]

Best wishes and welcome aboard
I hope he has a quick recovery. If the alcohol was frequent enough to cause medical problems from withdrawal, that might be an indicator. However, I am not qualified in any way to give advice.
I wonder though, was the drinking causing problems before he stopped? Like erratic behavior, drinking and driving, etc? Or was it just part of a routine with out negative social interactions?

 

[Voirrey]

Thank you for your kind welcome.
Yes, the drink was causing some problems - he insisted that he was never over the limit the following day as it took 1 hour per unit to get out of the system. He could not factor into that any variables such as health, age, long term consumption etc. I am hopefully seeing the GP tomorrow to put the possibility of Asperger,s to him. It is an interesting conundrum. Lovely pic by the way. I love the sea living near the coast, as I do.

 

[anne.bc]

This is a sensitive topic, I used to mention when I had alcohol on here but it was a sensitive topic for some that I frequently reply to on here, so I keep it to myself now.

Sensory issues are not fun. Big families are loud. When many relatives are in one room, that's a lot of noise that I can't process and I USUALLY designate a panic room for it when I can't handle it. I also have a drink or plural to mellow out, but sometimes I get more than mellowed out.

Three weeks ago I had no designated panic room. I was pretty upset and felt displaced, and I wish I never used it as a coping mechanism, especially around the kids. I don't drink that often, but that was a wake up call anyway. So I told my family I'd stop, they took it literally and poured out the last sixth of my $30 bottle of whiskey before I had a chance to even finish it. I think I'm just going to drink a lot less instead. I like to think of this as portion control in a way. I drink more water since my trainer wants me to anyway. I listen to music on my noise-cancelling headphones at family events now since that's what I did before I was drinking age. Every person is different, too. I understand that.

Not sure if I even had advice, but I felt compelled to share that.

 

[ancusmitis]

If you're going into physical withdrawal from alcohol, then yes, that is addiction. You don't really get that any other way. He's already had one problem with it, a serious enough one that he needed to be hospitalized just from not having it. Autism does not mean that you can't be an addict. It might even make you more vulnerable to addictive behaviors. He needs to stop drinking.

Also, welcome to the restaurant at the end of the internet.

 

[Myway]

Welcome. I hope he is recovering nicely. It does sound like he is addicted to alcohol. Hopefully he will get better.

 

[Voirrey]

Hey Ho - I remember my step son coming home from school quite disgusted because the 'chip free' ( fries if you are in the US) day was not what he thought.
CHIP FREE in the canteen - he thought they were giving them away free of charge - the schools intent was to promote healthy eating !!
To any parent out there who has been told their youngster with Aspergers will never have a job - this lad has made me so proud - by my instinctively teaching him strategies, a little tiny bit at a time, he has overcome many obstacles and is now the Manager of Two Shell petrol stations here in England, overseeing about 15 staff and responsible for lots of money, 2 shops and all the safety and security involved.

We have some hilarious stories, and some very sad stories, times when my mouth has said many words of comfort and understanding whilst my heart has told me what he has been up to in relationships was so wrong and off key. Love him to bits and so proud indeed.
Tunnel? There is often light at the end of it

 

[Cosmophylla]

It's entirely logical that you would think that your partner's alcohol consumption could simply be a pattern of behaviour typical of a routine-loving Aspie. However, I agree with others that if the result of reducing consumption of alcohol is physical withdrawal symptoms, it is addiction. Alcohol is a powerful, addictive drug. For a person with social anxiety, the sanctuary offered by alcohol - the softening of fear around others, the lowering of inhibitions, etc. - is extremely enticing. Also, the way that alcohol affects the brain is similar, but not the same, in every individual. It could be that it is easier for those on the spectrum to become addicted. I don't know.

How is your partner now? Is he still in hospital?

 

[Elemental]

I think it can be easy to slip into an alcohol dependency, even if the amounts consumed are not large, it depends on the regularity of the habit. I used alcohol to cope with aspects of life that I found stressful & when I was trying to control this & abstain, I did have a compulsive aspect of myself which urged me to still go buy it "in case" ' Asperger Syndrome & Alcohol - Drinking To Cope? ' by M Tinsley & S Hendrix chronicles one guy's experiences but additionally overviews ASD & alcohol use / abuse generally & it is hugely typical especially pre-diagnosis. I think if you get & accept a diagnosis it might help lessen the perceived need for alcohol I hope your partner recovers soon & well, I lived with someone I now understand was showing extreme ASD & their pattern was abstain - drink daily-excessively - abstain - drink daily-excessively for months at a time on each side. It's difficult sometimes, really wish you good luck with it.

 

[Voirrey]

thankyou one and all. He is coming home tomorrow - I am a bit scared of how it will all go. He is a bit muddled as it would seem he has some brain stem damage caused by the lack of vitamin B - as his body does not now process it properly. This is all a big learning curve. |The brain stem damage could be recoverable - so I am hopeful on that score. He is a Lovely chap but has no idea how all of this is impacting on me and his family. I have today got rid of all the booze in the house as advised - that could be interesting.
thanks again