Help me, I'm autistic and I found the woman I want to marry.

[taosage]

I recently diagnosed myself on the autistic spectrum, for various reasons and signs that indicate it.

I am able to function on a general basis in social and professional situations but sometimes when under pressure in awkward settings I kind of snap and behave oddly. People pick up on this and observe that somethign is different about the way I interact.

Also i have realized i want a family, stability in my life, monogamy (i have definitely got the sluttiness out of my system) and love.

I know that there is something to be said for persistence, for focus and goal setting. But sometimes I worry about too much pressure. i have been known to pressure women in persuit. Never to the point of stalking or anything, but OCD, yes.

i go over everything we said to eachother, to see what I saud wrong, to approach her like a system (typical autistic behavior). i knwo she is so much more than a system or game. She has so much depth and spirit and mystery.

She also wants what I want, a family, love and togetherness. I think I just have to reassure her somehow that I am stable.

I have generated interest and while I scared her off for awhile, we reconnected and she was willing to meet with me with other people present. I think she wanted the group setting to see how I perform in social situations, but also so her friends could screen me. Also, this is common in other countries, for prospective partners to start out dating only with other people. Only mainly in the U.S. do we do this one on one dating thing.

So, I know I am overthinking this and self obsessing but please understand I come from bad history, drug problems, homelessness, and mental illness, abuse, total chaos and instability etc. So I have this potential person who I have so much interest in, yes I have listed why I like her, and what I dislike about her. The likes far outweigh the dislikes.

I have managed to claw my way back to sanity and finally hold down a job, persue my passion in art, be happy, enjoy the world. So i want to continue this and find a wife, because I value family and love.

Recently I sent her an email and I have not heard back, though she is in a third world country travelling. Before she left she told me 'i hope to see you again' and 'keep in touch'.

I told her in the email how nice it was to spend time with her, and that i felt so energized from it, and that being near her makes me happy. now I am rehashing the whole scenario worried about ******** like what if she thinks 'being near you makes me happy' means I am unhappy without her? that is not the case. i think I could recover if she spurned my advances, and I have dated some recently.

so my question is, how offten would you reccomend I contact her, remind her I am here. She will play hard to get and is very high value, many interested men. I respect that. i have been choosy too over the years, passing up many opportunities to settle down, waiting for the right person.

I just dont want her to think that she is ALL i am about now, that I am obsessed, but I also want to show her I have the intention of persistence, that I think she is worth waiting for.

these modern times. Gone are the days of long courtships and love letters. so many women dont have an interest in that. but I know the one I want is choosy, wants a family, and values herself highly. What to do.

Thanks for reading this. i feel lost. i have a lot of experience gaming with women but this is all like a beginning.

 

[RavenSly]

Okay, I just went through your entire post there, it was kinda blocky and to be perfectly honest, your grammar isn't the easiest to read. Anyway, I'll say first that self-diagnosing yourself is fine, but you really should see a licensed psychologist to confirm it just to be sure. It is often the case with mental conditions that one condition can appear to be another, or even that two conditions together can add up to give a person characteristics that mimic another one [this is what happened with me. I have Aspergers and Clinical depression, and because of the stimulant effects of Aspergers and the depressant effects of Depression, for years doctors thought I had Bipolar].

Moving on, the first thing I would tell you is that you need to calm down and stop over-thinking this. Just relax, stop grooming yourself to appear more appealing, stop getting so nervous and scared that it won't go well, and just be yourself. I'll tell you from experience, you will be infinitely more appealing to this woman if you act naturally around her than if you try to act in a fake way to be what you think she wants, something I absolutely guarantee you you will fail at.

Then, I'll also tell you, the emotion you're feeling is a very specific kind of love called Limerence [derived from the word Limerick, which is a kind of love poem]. It's an all-consuming love where the woman you're in love with is constantly in your mind, and you can't stop thinking about her. Sound like what you're going through? I know because I've gone through it myself, once a few years ago with one of my classmates. If you open yourself to this woman and show her how genuinely and completely you love her, she'll come to understand it. At the same time though, these things take time, and while you shouldn't keep your distance from her, you can't rush her to develop feelings for you that mirror yours for her.

Until she gets back, just drop an e-mail or two [not a dozen. At that point you'll just appear like a creeper, and she'll get turned off. Again, just go about your life, and once your next genuine opportunity to make the next move with her presents itself, you'll know it]. Be patient, but don't be apprehensive. If you're too persistent, she'll become turned off, but if you wait too long to pursue her, you'll lose your chance. You have to find the proper balance between them. That's the challenge that lays before you.

 

[taosage]

Thanks for your reply.

My plan is exactly as you said. I will drop her an email periodically to remind her I am still here and still interested. I will show some humor and easy going aspects of myself in these emails. Not fake or difficult because I am a funny guy.

No more of the swooning though.

I have the benefit of witnessing her exe paste her FB page with links to love songs on youtube , which she deletes. It's embarassing. I feel like her exe is making all my mistakes for me. She's young, she wants to have fun, though she is family minded. None of this high romance.

Thanks again.