Abrightfutureahead
New Member
Dear Readers,
Please take the time to read this, i am in a difficult place with the father of my newborn baby who i suspect has mild autism/asbergers. Any advise would be very much appreciated!
So let me begin by explaining that I have spent a year with a man i love very much who i have known (in the distance) for the past 6 years. We have a 6 week old daugher together, so have spent most of our relationship Pregnant! it has been a tough time of 'trying to get to know him' and alot of explaining myself.
I will start from the beginning, We were introduced through my best friend's partner 6 years ago. He lives quite far away and travelled down to visit me. The first few times we sat in the van and talked, had a few kisses. He was awkward, shy and very handsome - i prefer a guy of few words as i am a chatterbox and take it a compliment if a guy seems nervous around me. He came to visit me at my house and we had a kiss sitting on my bed, he suddenly freaked and told me he wasnt ready to have sex yet! i was offended because that wasnt my intention and afterwards i waited for him to txt me and he never did...! total insult.
So after a few months he gets in contact and we start emailing, he never really said much to make me think he was interested 'like that' but the fact he txt at all we kind of became friends/pen pals.
He never really kept the convo flowing so we had bouts of txting, but he always got in contact with me a few times a year over the past 6 years!
In these 6 years i got engaged and suffered 4 miscarriages, which aventally lead to the breakup of my relationship.
So one random night i thought about my friend, who would always get in touch and realised i hadnt heard from him in a whle and his facebook account was no longer active. i decided to contact his friend as ask about him who gave me his number. i contacted him and he told me he had his own place and to go and visit. He lived only an hour away now and i drove up to see him.
First thing i noticed was he was dressed a little strange, didnt care to much because he was so gorgeous and i admired him for not caring what he looked like. He came accross as reserved, eccentric and innocent/childlike. I visited him at night after finishing work. He was awkward, he would sit on a single hard chair in the middle of the room and wouldnt give eye contact. At first i thought it was because he was shy and i would invite him to sit on the sofa with me, he would but he was uncomfortable.
I would have to initiate everything with him. he was rigid and still seemed uninterested in me. One night he told me i used to be a 10/10 and now i was 8/10. i was so offended and he didnt appologies so i walked out, only to return when he didnt call me because i couldnt drive because id been drinking. he didnt appogise.
We started having a sexual relationship and always used protection. One night he didnt put a condom on, i asked him what he was doing and he said while making love to me "we should be trying for a baby" before finishing inside me.... i was SHOCKED!! i thought that he must love me, and unable to tell me, i was already in love with him.
I explained to him afterwards did he understand what he was doing because i fall pregnant easily and have had complications. He said he doesnt know if he could have children either, so we should try because it might take ages/many losses before we could have a child. He told me if i get pregnant he would marry me and spend the rest of his life with me.
2 weeks later PREGNANT!
So i hope you are still reading i really need your guidance.
The pregnancy was hard and stressful, i didnt get my emotional support from him. He tried to move in with me after a few months and it was tough,.
He would come in and sit in his coat on a hard chair and ask me to leave him alone and give him space. (YES in my own home)
I would go upstairs and respect his need for alone time while feeling rejected and he would never sit with me on the sofa, his excuses. He doesnt like the sofa, his back hurts. When i would ask about the coat, he was cold (it wasnt).
He would NEVER call me and rarely answer the phone. He would hardly go to work.
He works with his dad so can get away with not going in. I was working two jobs and going to college and would be so frustrated with him, he woud spend the day "REARRANGING" my house and drinking and smoking.
I then came to realise he was an alcholic and addicted to cannabis.
He would move my furniture around daily and take all the stuff out of my storage and "GROUP THEM" as he likes to call it, and pile things up to the ceiling.
It drove me insane and the house looked a mess. He had no understanding of making hazards for me being heavily pregant. He would be rude to me when i used to get angry and tell me my house is DIRTY and that he moves the table away from the wall and the sofa to get to the dirt. He Never would actually hoover or dust. Just pull stuff out everywhere and make things look cluttered.
I would get so angry and he would shut off, he wouldnt understand why i was so upset. He then started throwing old food onto my garden, i pleaded with him to stop it because the dog will eat it and get sick and ill get rats. He continued to do it everyday. The dog did get sick and the pile of old food is still there, i need to pay someone to remove it all.
Eventualy alot of my furniture got broke because they became weak from him upheaving the place. I was getting bigger and more pregnant. He would stay for a few days, go through all my stuff and move and pile and group everything then go back to his parents and stay there for ages and i would hardly hear from him.
He spends alot of time going to charity shops and boot sales and collecting items to sell for profit.
The lack of communication between us has killed me, he showed very little support for a baby he wanted and carried on drinking and smoking everyday, i begged him to stop because i hoped that was the problem,.
His mum told me him and both his brothers are on the spectrum, but my boyfriend only mildly, ive spent a year being upset/angry/lonely thinking he didnt care, but now i think he will never change and i dont know if i can try to be understanding and try to work through this because we have a baby together or if i should give up.
i recently told him what i think and he agrees he has some traits but doesnt really see a problem with his behaviour. he says he will never leave me but i feel alone.
Our daughter is 6 weeks old and ive had to do pretty much everything alone. he hasnt spent much time with her i just dont understand him.
i asked him to help me this week because ive been alone with the baby and im tired, but he was bust rearranging his parents room while they was holiday and refused to come help me because what he was doing was more important to him.
His parents dont know why he decided to rearrange their room while they was away but all the doors have locks on them and i think its because of him.
He is very bossy to me and is happiest when left alone, he has only 2 friends who he never sees and isnt interested in work, which is hard knowing i cant rely on him financially or emotionally, we stil love eachother though, and i want what is best for my child. please help!
Today at 1:16 AM
+ QuoteReply
Please take the time to read this, i am in a difficult place with the father of my newborn baby who i suspect has mild autism/asbergers. Any advise would be very much appreciated!
So let me begin by explaining that I have spent a year with a man i love very much who i have known (in the distance) for the past 6 years. We have a 6 week old daugher together, so have spent most of our relationship Pregnant! it has been a tough time of 'trying to get to know him' and alot of explaining myself.
I will start from the beginning, We were introduced through my best friend's partner 6 years ago. He lives quite far away and travelled down to visit me. The first few times we sat in the van and talked, had a few kisses. He was awkward, shy and very handsome - i prefer a guy of few words as i am a chatterbox and take it a compliment if a guy seems nervous around me. He came to visit me at my house and we had a kiss sitting on my bed, he suddenly freaked and told me he wasnt ready to have sex yet! i was offended because that wasnt my intention and afterwards i waited for him to txt me and he never did...! total insult.
So after a few months he gets in contact and we start emailing, he never really said much to make me think he was interested 'like that' but the fact he txt at all we kind of became friends/pen pals.
He never really kept the convo flowing so we had bouts of txting, but he always got in contact with me a few times a year over the past 6 years!
In these 6 years i got engaged and suffered 4 miscarriages, which aventally lead to the breakup of my relationship.
So one random night i thought about my friend, who would always get in touch and realised i hadnt heard from him in a whle and his facebook account was no longer active. i decided to contact his friend as ask about him who gave me his number. i contacted him and he told me he had his own place and to go and visit. He lived only an hour away now and i drove up to see him.
First thing i noticed was he was dressed a little strange, didnt care to much because he was so gorgeous and i admired him for not caring what he looked like. He came accross as reserved, eccentric and innocent/childlike. I visited him at night after finishing work. He was awkward, he would sit on a single hard chair in the middle of the room and wouldnt give eye contact. At first i thought it was because he was shy and i would invite him to sit on the sofa with me, he would but he was uncomfortable.
I would have to initiate everything with him. he was rigid and still seemed uninterested in me. One night he told me i used to be a 10/10 and now i was 8/10. i was so offended and he didnt appologies so i walked out, only to return when he didnt call me because i couldnt drive because id been drinking. he didnt appogise.
We started having a sexual relationship and always used protection. One night he didnt put a condom on, i asked him what he was doing and he said while making love to me "we should be trying for a baby" before finishing inside me.... i was SHOCKED!! i thought that he must love me, and unable to tell me, i was already in love with him.
I explained to him afterwards did he understand what he was doing because i fall pregnant easily and have had complications. He said he doesnt know if he could have children either, so we should try because it might take ages/many losses before we could have a child. He told me if i get pregnant he would marry me and spend the rest of his life with me.
2 weeks later PREGNANT!
So i hope you are still reading i really need your guidance.
The pregnancy was hard and stressful, i didnt get my emotional support from him. He tried to move in with me after a few months and it was tough,.
He would come in and sit in his coat on a hard chair and ask me to leave him alone and give him space. (YES in my own home)
I would go upstairs and respect his need for alone time while feeling rejected and he would never sit with me on the sofa, his excuses. He doesnt like the sofa, his back hurts. When i would ask about the coat, he was cold (it wasnt).
He would NEVER call me and rarely answer the phone. He would hardly go to work.
He works with his dad so can get away with not going in. I was working two jobs and going to college and would be so frustrated with him, he woud spend the day "REARRANGING" my house and drinking and smoking.
I then came to realise he was an alcholic and addicted to cannabis.
He would move my furniture around daily and take all the stuff out of my storage and "GROUP THEM" as he likes to call it, and pile things up to the ceiling.
It drove me insane and the house looked a mess. He had no understanding of making hazards for me being heavily pregant. He would be rude to me when i used to get angry and tell me my house is DIRTY and that he moves the table away from the wall and the sofa to get to the dirt. He Never would actually hoover or dust. Just pull stuff out everywhere and make things look cluttered.
I would get so angry and he would shut off, he wouldnt understand why i was so upset. He then started throwing old food onto my garden, i pleaded with him to stop it because the dog will eat it and get sick and ill get rats. He continued to do it everyday. The dog did get sick and the pile of old food is still there, i need to pay someone to remove it all.
Eventualy alot of my furniture got broke because they became weak from him upheaving the place. I was getting bigger and more pregnant. He would stay for a few days, go through all my stuff and move and pile and group everything then go back to his parents and stay there for ages and i would hardly hear from him.
He spends alot of time going to charity shops and boot sales and collecting items to sell for profit.
The lack of communication between us has killed me, he showed very little support for a baby he wanted and carried on drinking and smoking everyday, i begged him to stop because i hoped that was the problem,.
His mum told me him and both his brothers are on the spectrum, but my boyfriend only mildly, ive spent a year being upset/angry/lonely thinking he didnt care, but now i think he will never change and i dont know if i can try to be understanding and try to work through this because we have a baby together or if i should give up.
i recently told him what i think and he agrees he has some traits but doesnt really see a problem with his behaviour. he says he will never leave me but i feel alone.
Our daughter is 6 weeks old and ive had to do pretty much everything alone. he hasnt spent much time with her i just dont understand him.
i asked him to help me this week because ive been alone with the baby and im tired, but he was bust rearranging his parents room while they was holiday and refused to come help me because what he was doing was more important to him.
His parents dont know why he decided to rearrange their room while they was away but all the doors have locks on them and i think its because of him.
He is very bossy to me and is happiest when left alone, he has only 2 friends who he never sees and isnt interested in work, which is hard knowing i cant rely on him financially or emotionally, we stil love eachother though, and i want what is best for my child. please help!
Today at 1:16 AM
+ QuoteReply
