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hello
- Thread starter tal
- Start date
Welcome to Aspies Central!
total-recoil
Well-Known Member
I'm not too far from Manchester either. Welcome.
Justme
Well-Known Member
Welcome Tal, I am new too I'm from Kent...I've not yet been diagnosed I'm kind of not ready.I have to do my usual masses of research until I think I know every single thing about a subject - I don't want any surprises I always used to think I was a control freak but now realises it's my Aspieness! Would be interest to hear more about you.........
Hello, tal. Welcome to the forums.
thanks again for the welcome. i went on the asd uk forum for a while but found it was more geared towards mothers worrying about there children. i feel a lot more relaxed on here. just installed the firefox spell checker so i can write really looong words and sound intelligent.
I wrote this to introduce myself to the asd forum. .
i looked after mum for many years after she had a fall at work and with the arthritis in her knees mobility was difficult. I'd been at Staffordshire uni doing a politics degree, the studying was fine but it was the wrong environment for me, i developed depression quite badly and left in 1996 i was placed on lithium by the hospital psychiatrist. mum always sorted the outside world out making phone calls answering the door i have always found spontaneous conversations difficult especially with strangers, things worked out OK between and the two of us and we could cope.
mum was taking Codeine painkillers which are a opiate so she was quite happy most of the time, given hindsight i don't think lithuim helped with the depression it was being home and feeling secure that helped the most. familiar surroundings and routine with minimal contact with the outside world helped a lot i had no feelings of isolation or loneliness, the lithium went into the bin i was OK, and 10 years older.
In 2007 mum was unable to use the stairs so she stayed in the bedroom 90% of the time. one morning i took her breakfast up she woke up looked at me and said hello dad, i said mum its me Paul, your still half asleep sit up and eat your breakfast and i will get your pills. when i returned she asked where her mum was i told her not to be silly then i told her that her mum and dad had died long ago and she began to cry i felt terrible. mum always had a nap after breakfast. i took her some tea and woke her i asked her did she know who i was she said, of course your my Paul.
then the incontinence started i bought some pull up pad things from boots mum would put them in a plastic bag i would leave in the bathroom. it was still ok and we were still coping until the fall behind the bedroom door, their was no chance of pushing the door open alone i had no way of knowing if she was injured or not
i hate talking on telephones and it was really scary dialing 999 but it had to be done. mum was alright just a carpet burn on the knee, the nurse took me aside and said that she had to inform mums social worker about the fall i told her we had never had one she said how do we manage on our own.
mum was diagnosed with alzheimer's and came home. social services sent trisha round to bathe mum 5 times a week and placed handrails to help get mum to the bathroom. she got 2 weeks in a respite home too help regain some mobility the staff said mum was hard work as they had to lift her all the time which really annoyed me like i didn't know, it was a 12 hour day 7 days a week job'.
mum became double incontinent and immobile the alzheimers had destroyed her brain, a social worker suggested that she should go into a rest home i reluctantly said yes. i could smell the urine long before i entered the home. it was a large Victorian house with a huge extension at the back it didn't feel right to me for some reason and i got mum moved. the second place was a purpose built care home and it was packed its sole purpose i believe was to make as much money as possible. so i asked for another move this time the manager of the care home wanted to talk to me before she accepted mum i felt annoyed thinking we were being vetted but the manager Debbie just wanted to show me around and get to know about mum and me.
so mum moved in there it was more of a home, than a care home really, mum was happy she enjoyed the food and all the attention from the staff it was 2009
my depression returned I was put on Prozac until could see a psychiatrist who could prescribe lithium i have never dealt with the outside world to much and I'm unable to use a phone, I'd never had a bank account i was totally lost.
i had my carers allowance money in the post office which i never spent so i just locked myself away for 2 years in 2011, the doctor referred to a psychiatrist who then referred me to a clinical psychologist and i got the results this February.
mum died on march 30th two weeks short of her 77th birthday. I needed help to arrange the funeral phone calls needed to be sorted for the insurance etc. i had not been allocated a social worker and not having a learning disability or being mentally ill their was a lot of confusion as to where i should be placed, finally deemed a vulnerable adult they made the calls. i found out a few weeks later that they have autism team and they now provide me with the help i need.
I wrote this to introduce myself to the asd forum. .
i looked after mum for many years after she had a fall at work and with the arthritis in her knees mobility was difficult. I'd been at Staffordshire uni doing a politics degree, the studying was fine but it was the wrong environment for me, i developed depression quite badly and left in 1996 i was placed on lithium by the hospital psychiatrist. mum always sorted the outside world out making phone calls answering the door i have always found spontaneous conversations difficult especially with strangers, things worked out OK between and the two of us and we could cope.
mum was taking Codeine painkillers which are a opiate so she was quite happy most of the time, given hindsight i don't think lithuim helped with the depression it was being home and feeling secure that helped the most. familiar surroundings and routine with minimal contact with the outside world helped a lot i had no feelings of isolation or loneliness, the lithium went into the bin i was OK, and 10 years older.
In 2007 mum was unable to use the stairs so she stayed in the bedroom 90% of the time. one morning i took her breakfast up she woke up looked at me and said hello dad, i said mum its me Paul, your still half asleep sit up and eat your breakfast and i will get your pills. when i returned she asked where her mum was i told her not to be silly then i told her that her mum and dad had died long ago and she began to cry i felt terrible. mum always had a nap after breakfast. i took her some tea and woke her i asked her did she know who i was she said, of course your my Paul.
then the incontinence started i bought some pull up pad things from boots mum would put them in a plastic bag i would leave in the bathroom. it was still ok and we were still coping until the fall behind the bedroom door, their was no chance of pushing the door open alone i had no way of knowing if she was injured or not
i hate talking on telephones and it was really scary dialing 999 but it had to be done. mum was alright just a carpet burn on the knee, the nurse took me aside and said that she had to inform mums social worker about the fall i told her we had never had one she said how do we manage on our own.
mum was diagnosed with alzheimer's and came home. social services sent trisha round to bathe mum 5 times a week and placed handrails to help get mum to the bathroom. she got 2 weeks in a respite home too help regain some mobility the staff said mum was hard work as they had to lift her all the time which really annoyed me like i didn't know, it was a 12 hour day 7 days a week job'.
mum became double incontinent and immobile the alzheimers had destroyed her brain, a social worker suggested that she should go into a rest home i reluctantly said yes. i could smell the urine long before i entered the home. it was a large Victorian house with a huge extension at the back it didn't feel right to me for some reason and i got mum moved. the second place was a purpose built care home and it was packed its sole purpose i believe was to make as much money as possible. so i asked for another move this time the manager of the care home wanted to talk to me before she accepted mum i felt annoyed thinking we were being vetted but the manager Debbie just wanted to show me around and get to know about mum and me.
so mum moved in there it was more of a home, than a care home really, mum was happy she enjoyed the food and all the attention from the staff it was 2009
my depression returned I was put on Prozac until could see a psychiatrist who could prescribe lithium i have never dealt with the outside world to much and I'm unable to use a phone, I'd never had a bank account i was totally lost.
i had my carers allowance money in the post office which i never spent so i just locked myself away for 2 years in 2011, the doctor referred to a psychiatrist who then referred me to a clinical psychologist and i got the results this February.
mum died on march 30th two weeks short of her 77th birthday. I needed help to arrange the funeral phone calls needed to be sorted for the insurance etc. i had not been allocated a social worker and not having a learning disability or being mentally ill their was a lot of confusion as to where i should be placed, finally deemed a vulnerable adult they made the calls. i found out a few weeks later that they have autism team and they now provide me with the help i need.
alien girl
Well-Known Member
sounds like life kicked you in the pants harder and more often than it does most people... you're very unselfish caring for your mother for many years. lots of people would just throw them in a home right away. you didnt have a choice because it got so bad it was unbearable and you couldnt care for her at home in her situation. but you did as long as was possible.
sorry about your loss. i have no idea what it's like to lose a person. my two cats died, though, and for us aspies it close to losing a family member.
where do you live now? there's no place like home, living alone. i understand your reluctance to put your mother in that home. i dont trust those places, or the people or run them or work there.
sorry about your loss. i have no idea what it's like to lose a person. my two cats died, though, and for us aspies it close to losing a family member.
where do you live now? there's no place like home, living alone. i understand your reluctance to put your mother in that home. i dont trust those places, or the people or run them or work there.
Soup
Well-Known Member
Welcome to the forum, Tal & thank you for sharing your poignant experience with us. Losing your mother to Alzheimer's must've been devastating for you. The decision to place her must've been agonizing as well. I'm in Canada & my elderly parents reside in our home with my husband, young adult daughter & myself. We also have a young adult son living on his own & doing well.
My mother is slim, spry & healthy but bored, lonely, chatty & clingy. My father is an altogether different story. He's 88 & becoming very forgetful, stubborn & needing increasing amounts of supervision. He also tends to wander. This will soon become a huge dilemma as the spectre of him needing placement is looming. My mother is a very small woman & he's a tall big man. I'm small too so there's no way we could manage him should he become incontinent or require restricting to the home & accompaniment when out. Being sandwiched between elderly people & ongoing parenting is taxing for me since I'm extremely solitary by nature & get overwhelmed by too much sensory input.
I'm glad to hear that you were able to provide the quality care you did to render your mother's final time comfortable & safe. Now, you can focus on yourself & your needs. I hope the support you're receiving suits your needs & is helpful to you. Glad you found us!
My mother is slim, spry & healthy but bored, lonely, chatty & clingy. My father is an altogether different story. He's 88 & becoming very forgetful, stubborn & needing increasing amounts of supervision. He also tends to wander. This will soon become a huge dilemma as the spectre of him needing placement is looming. My mother is a very small woman & he's a tall big man. I'm small too so there's no way we could manage him should he become incontinent or require restricting to the home & accompaniment when out. Being sandwiched between elderly people & ongoing parenting is taxing for me since I'm extremely solitary by nature & get overwhelmed by too much sensory input.
I'm glad to hear that you were able to provide the quality care you did to render your mother's final time comfortable & safe. Now, you can focus on yourself & your needs. I hope the support you're receiving suits your needs & is helpful to you. Glad you found us!
rolo
Well-Known Member
Hi Tal-well done for getting here and welcome- I second Soups sentiments and thankyou for your openness- My mother died when I was six but i had not seen her for 18 months before that- I have no idea what you must have gone through but you are to be commended for sticking at it and giving the best care you could. We are of similar age and I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 46 as well as having other mental health issues that often are combined with asd. I too live in uk but down south in Colchester. Itss great that there are a few of us on this forum in the UK as well.
Thanks alien girl 
mums care home was great it took three moves to find a decent place for her having seen a few television programmes about them i was a little worried about leaving a defenceless fragile old lady in the care of strangers. many places in the UK try to pack as many old people as possible to generate large profits and the level of care is minimum. the smell of stale urine in the first two homes gave them away, as did the sardine packed sitting rooms. mums arms had bruises on them where they had been lifting her without using the proper equipment. i overheard a member of staff shouting at someone in the bathroom saying how disgusting they were, it was a terrible place mum had to endure a month there.
Sorry your cats have died how old were they? i really love cats had my first one when i was four it died when i was 21, the one i have now is around 14 he was a stray he has no tail and a back leg missing no idea how it happened it took ages to tame him he had no trust in humans at all.
mums care home was great it took three moves to find a decent place for her having seen a few television programmes about them i was a little worried about leaving a defenceless fragile old lady in the care of strangers. many places in the UK try to pack as many old people as possible to generate large profits and the level of care is minimum. the smell of stale urine in the first two homes gave them away, as did the sardine packed sitting rooms. mums arms had bruises on them where they had been lifting her without using the proper equipment. i overheard a member of staff shouting at someone in the bathroom saying how disgusting they were, it was a terrible place mum had to endure a month there.Sorry your cats have died how old were they? i really love cats had my first one when i was four it died when i was 21, the one i have now is around 14 he was a stray he has no tail and a back leg missing no idea how it happened it took ages to tame him he had no trust in humans at all.
Glad you came back here tal, I'm so sorry to hear of the awful treatment your mum had to endure. I saw a documentary a few weeks ago about the treatment in care homes it was shocking.
I love cats too, when I moved in with my husband his cat was older then I was, he died a few years ago at the ripe old age of 25, once our dog dies we are going to have cats again. I want to adopt some really old cats(last time I went to the animal shelter is was packed with cats aged 12+) so they can live out their last days in a loving home but of course my other half and daughter want kittens so we'll have to find a compromise somewhere lol.
I love cats too, when I moved in with my husband his cat was older then I was, he died a few years ago at the ripe old age of 25, once our dog dies we are going to have cats again. I want to adopt some really old cats(last time I went to the animal shelter is was packed with cats aged 12+) so they can live out their last days in a loving home but of course my other half and daughter want kittens so we'll have to find a compromise somewhere lol.
Thanks for the reply Soup. i think your dad is frustrated he knows that things are changing and he has no power to stop it. losing his independence and memory must be devastating and very scary. i thinks its hard for a family to cope constantly readjusting to the needs of a family member. i suggest you try to get a weeks respite care for your dad to see how he copes in a care environment i think it would be helpful for your mum to see if she can adjust to being alone. as we both know things won't get any better and you should not feel guilty your only doing the best for your dad by getting him professional care.
The last two years i looked after mum she didn't know my name, and had bouts of anger towards me when i told her not to put body waste on the bathroom carpet. in retrospect i should have placed mum in a care home while we could still communicate its very hard to watch someone you love disappear.
I have no idea how Canadian health care works do you have a social worker who can advise you and put your mind at ease. you have easy solution but a hard decision to make i think your dad would want what's best for his family.
It would be nice if parents told there children want to do it these situations or better still write it down... I really hope things work out for you.
The last two years i looked after mum she didn't know my name, and had bouts of anger towards me when i told her not to put body waste on the bathroom carpet. in retrospect i should have placed mum in a care home while we could still communicate its very hard to watch someone you love disappear.
I have no idea how Canadian health care works do you have a social worker who can advise you and put your mind at ease. you have easy solution but a hard decision to make i think your dad would want what's best for his family.
It would be nice if parents told there children want to do it these situations or better still write it down... I really hope things work out for you.
Hi rolo
Thanks for saying hello, i had to look up Colchester on Google maps i always thought it was in Yorkshire i need to use GPS to find the bathroom.
Sorry to hear about your mum. its a shame she didn't see you grow up.
Have you met anyone with aspergers yet. It would have been nice to have had diagnosis at a earlier age so i could have received a less rigid education a lot of my secondary school teachers were ex-service men who had fought in the second world war, the spare the rod and ruin the child generation. At 13 i was a patient at Booth hall psychiatry unit so it only took 35 years to get the aspergers results, not complaining though its nice to put a name to it.
I do like this forum its a lot less formal than the others and having read a few posts i can see similarities with people, it just takes me ages to write anything and i must try to get off this hello page.
Thanks for saying hello, i had to look up Colchester on Google maps i always thought it was in Yorkshire i need to use GPS to find the bathroom.
Sorry to hear about your mum. its a shame she didn't see you grow up.
Have you met anyone with aspergers yet. It would have been nice to have had diagnosis at a earlier age so i could have received a less rigid education a lot of my secondary school teachers were ex-service men who had fought in the second world war, the spare the rod and ruin the child generation. At 13 i was a patient at Booth hall psychiatry unit so it only took 35 years to get the aspergers results, not complaining though its nice to put a name to it.
I do like this forum its a lot less formal than the others and having read a few posts i can see similarities with people, it just takes me ages to write anything and i must try to get off this hello page.
Soup
Well-Known Member
You can remain on whichever page you like for as long as you desire provided you're reasonably on topic. Than you for your words of support & encouragement. I wish my father had written out his wishes too. I don't think he ever envisaged a day where his mental faculties would be compromised. He had a prodigious mind & an excellent memory as a younger man. Now, he's almost deaf & very forgetful. He'll go to the grocery store & buy 6 bags of salad all due to expire the following day. Another time, it was huge bags of fresh green beans: enough to cook supper for a homeless shelter! It's frustrating for my mother as she's at her wits' end with him: he's becoming like a large child.
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