Have you ever spotted another Aspie?

[shakeitup94]

My mum and a couple of my friends.

 

[clg114]

My youngest granddaughter shows a lot of the signs of being an Aspie. She is 5 years old. I started noticing the signs about a year and a half ago. She has unusual interests for a 5 year old and a girl. When she was younger, she had a lot of meltdowns and would cover her eyes or ears. She is very smart and knows things that a child her age should not know yet. I was very hesitant to say anything to her parents until recently. When I did mention it, my daughter had already thought about it. My concern is that she may need consoling in order to better deal with her weakness and more importantly, take advantage of her strengths.

 

[Jimbo]

Yep. I can spot them pretty quick, and I tend to get along great with most of them. A few of my customers are aspies and I could sit and talk with them for hours. I met a new neighbor recently and new she was an aspie in less than a minute.

 

[wyverary]

Yes. Both the son of a friend of mine, and a former manager, were obviously on the spectrum (I don't know if they were diagnosed). My "aspie-spidey-sense", if you know what I mean.

 

[Sander]

Right now I've spotted about two to three aspies. The third one I'm not sure about though.
Mostly it's quite easy to spot them, they way they react and behave in general is most of the times enough for me to pick them right out of the crowd.

 

[Etzelaire]

I once thought one of my class was but I wasn't sure and I didn't waste time asking as I was busy painting my book.

 

[Harrison]

Met quite a few over the years and dated a couple. I live in a road that has a hostel for LF autistics, whilst they're not aspies, they are kin and most of them know me on sight.

Aspie-dar is strong in this one

 

[handbanana]

I think my fiance is one, but found ways to adapt.

He notes when I miss certain social cues (as in don't send this text, send this), and I do for him. I've adapted for a long time myself but recently its harder.

 

[wyverary]

There's an older Aspie lady who sometimes stops by our town come in and peruse our theology section, who came in today. I enjoy talking to her.

 

[Nadador]

When I interact with others, I'm usually very focused on why we're communicating, and what about, so I rarely notice even very obvious things about most people. Especially now that I'm here and thinking about other Aspies, I've been trying to recall if I've ever associated with anyone who might have been one of us. Trouble is, once I've put someone in a context, my memory of that person is blind to nearly everything else. I likely wouldn't notice another Aspie unless s/he wore a sign or told me.

 

[Cali Cat]

... I always find that liking them is usually the biggest, and most obvious signal. It's that certain something about them...you can just 'click' with them ...

This is usually always true in my experience when it comes to male Aspies. Even if the fellow in question is a bit of an a-hole. There's something likeable about him to me. I know far more male Aspies than females, but I wonder if females are just harder to spot, or if they present differently. I've had my suspicions about certain other female cat lovers I know. If I'm correct about them, they are less likeable to me. That may just be because I know how to connect with males better than females, especially when they are not being overly friendly themselves. (I realize I am a bit biased towards men, and I apologize to the ladies for that. It's just the way I am.)

I read your blog about your social experiment, and it was very interesting. Do you think it is more difficult to spot female Aspies? Do you find that they (we) present differently, and if so, how?

 

[Vanilla]

This is usually always true in my experience when it comes to male Aspies. Even if the fellow in question is a bit of an a-hole. There's something likeable about him to me. I know far more male Aspies than females, but I wonder if females are just harder to spot, or if they present differently. I've had my suspicions about certain other female cat lovers I know. If I'm correct about them, they are less likeable to me. That may just be because I know how to connect with males better than females, especially when they are not being overly friendly themselves. (I realize I am a bit biased towards men, and I apologize to the ladies for that. It's just the way I am.)

I read your blog about your social experiment, and it was very interesting. Do you think it is more difficult to spot female Aspies? Do you find that they (we) present differently, and if so, how?

Thank you for reading it

I too do relate better to men, though this is probably due to my male-orientated style of processing information.

Yes, females on the spectrum do tend to be more difficult to spot (generally speaking of course). While males and females can cross over with this type of behaviour, it tends to be women who remain much more hidden, which is why we are often referred to as the "chameleons", and why many specialists may struggle to even see our Aspie traits. It's because many of us have dedicated many years, from an early age, trying to appear "normal". Some of us do it so well, that no one belevies us when we do in fact decide to "come out" as an Aspie. We do have a tendency to break away from this though, when we become older. Apparently, the average age is about 28 years old. This is generally when we begin to realise that we have been doing such a great job in mimicking everyone else, that we have no idea who we actually are. We may not have developed our own selves, and this realisation can be upsetting. We then realise that we don't have to be so hidden, and feel a sudden desire to be more true to ourselves, and to figure out who we really are.

I have learned how to spot some potential female Aspies (though feel that some may simply remain hidden, due to some very well-practised acting), and feel there are generally two main types of behaviours to assist in spotting them. Firstly, if a women on the spectrum is doing her best to blend in, she will appear "average". Not to say that she is average, but she is purposefully trying not to stand out as "odd", and so is trying not to draw attention to herself, by keeping in the background, or following the crowd (as to not arouse suspicion). The other type, is what seems to be the "liberated female". They appear much like men on the spectrum, although are able to still appear fairly NT-like, as they still retain the knowledge of how to behave socially acceptable, and so decide which behaviours they wish to keep, and which to abandon. I've spotted a few girls who I now suspect are on the spectrum. One of them (who I suspect to be a liberated female) once admitted to me that she does in fact struggle with picking up on social cues, which more than confirms my suspicions.

This behaviour of course also applies to some men (due to various circumstances in life, which may require this behaviour, as a survival tactic), and I have also found that it tends to apply to those with female genders (meaning a male, who identifies more in a feminine way, may also adopt this behaviour more naturally).

 

[Cali Cat]

I appreciate your reply. I find the "Aspie Female" topic very interesting, because I do believe we are more "hidden." I think you're on to something with the two general "types." I think I've fallen into both groups at one time or another. Typically, I think I come across as the "liberated female," and I'm often mistaken for being a man when people first read my writing without knowing my gender.

I'm on my way out the door right now, but I'd certainly like to follow up on this discussion later. Thanks, Vanilla.

 

[Vanilla]

I appreciate your reply. I find the "Aspie Female" topic very interesting, because I do believe we are more "hidden." I think you're on to something with the two general "types." I think I've fallen into both groups at one time or another. Typically, I think I come across as the "liberated female," and I'm often mistaken for being a man when people first read my writing without knowing my gender.

I'm on my way out the door right now, but I'd certainly like to follow up on this discussion later. Thanks, Vanilla.

Anytime

 

[Nanda]

Hi people,

First of all, i think i am an aspie. A really long time before know about it i came across some potential Aspies as well, with traits that can't easily passed by without notice. I also suspect about some people in my family, like my mom and some people on her side of the family or my father's brother (who no longer is alive, but was an savant in many areas), oh well.
For me its not a question on if someone is or is not, its something that occurs to me.
You see, i can be wrong but in our brain we have a so called fusiform area, who is responsable (but isn't the only one) for, lets say "read" the persons semblant or similars details and make assumptions about it, it's occurs in seconds and we have no control over it. The fusiform area is the responsable for the first impression of a person, lets say.
So, when we see someone, we notice right the way the persons traits (even more if you notice pattern in the persons behaviours).
But this is valid only for the very neural impressions about others, of course there's is alot of others elements that interfere on the judgment people can make about they interlocutors.
Again, i can be wrong about it, i lack the specific knowledge about the amazing area of neurology, physiology and even the stuff about behaviour, i just thought it would be interesting show this, since its a very mechanical way the brain use to process information about others.
The brain is awesome!!

 

[On the Inside]

I somehow missed it in myself for so many years, how would I be able to spot it in another person? As it stands, I don't know any other diagnosed Aspies.

I have suspicions about some of my extended family members, but I would have to know someone really well and spend a great deal of time with them to even suspect. I have had some very wacky friends over the years, and always get along better with the oddballs at work or social gatherings. I've always just thought of them as odd and interesting people. I'm not interested in placing a diagnosis on someone else.

 

[DarkAscent]

A friend of mine most likely has Asperger's. We're both obsessed with comics and like to draw manga (which is how we met and became friends in the first place) and share similar difficulties with our social and communication skills. We both struggle with our organisation skills too.

My grandmother is someone who I suspect has Asperger's too. She's very repetitive in her behaviour and routines, can be eccentric and find it difficult to communicate and empathise with other people. She also has sensory issues similar to mine.

 

[Progster]

There are two other people who I've known well who I'm sure must be on the spectrum, and a few more with a question mark because they show some strong traits, but also NT traits. I don't think I'd ever mention it to them unless I was really sure and I could see that they were struggling and their troubles were directly related to AS - the person I know now has some difficulties but he seems to be getting by and he has a few friends who have remained loyal to him, despite their complaints about what they see as odd behaviour.

 

[Graelwyn]

I seem to gravitate towards others who are also on the spectrum.
Even before I was diagnosed, or even knew about it, I ended up with several partners who have Aspergers, quite obviously.
It was actually this that got me researching it as I wanted to learn more about it, and it was in reading Tony Atwood's book, that I realised much of it fit me as well. The part about people obsessions was a real giveaway.

 

[photoaddict]

I suspect it with someone, but I'm not sure I'd ever be brave enough to ask. It would be really awkward if he either isn't or doesn't realize it yet himself. He's a fairly new addition to my circle of friends, so I don't have enough of a relationship with him to think it would survive me being wrong.

My great uncle was autistic. I never met him, but my mom adored him, so I've heard lots of stories. When I learned about autism, I said something to my mom about him. At first, she wasn't sure she believed me, but with time and better understanding of autism, she agrees 100% that, had he lived in a time where it was more commonly diagnosed, he would have been diagnosed with it. (He died in the '70s, so there wasn't a diagnosis for him growing up. He was "retarded", for lack of a better understanding.)

My dad is probably an Aspie, but refuses to consider it. He fits it so well, though. He's a textbook case.

I was right about my brother. He's now diagnosed (he wasn't, until I said something and he opted to look into it).

I've encountered kids through my church's kids program who I pegged as ASD and later had my suspicions confirmed by adults who knew them. Part of that is that I've worked with ASD kids in a preschool environment enough to know common behaviors/characteristics in kids. I can spot stimming a mile away and that's a big tip off for me.