Have you ever been told you're not autistic?

[unsurewhattoname]

I completely disagree. Seeming autistic has nothing to do with seeming retarded, at least not to anyone who is not completely ignorant on the subject. Nor do I consider myself socially impaired, I just socialise in a different way, and just because that way is considered wrong by mainstream society doesn't mean that it is wrong for me. I don't aspire to be more neurotypical, I aspire to being happy and comfortable with myself, and I don't think that being an expert at making boring small talk, fake smiling, making eyecontact and suppressing my stims really helps with that, it only helps other people be more comfortable with me.

Also, I haven't noticed anyone here suggesting that we all (NT and autistic) don't have unique personalities, to do so would be rather stupid since being exposed to widely divergent personalities is part of day to day life. As other people have suggested a large part of the problem with people doubting that a person is autistic is because there seems to be a widespread perception that all autistic people fit a certain mould, when we are in fact just as diverse as any other group.
However, I do think that being autistic is a fundamental part of my personality, after all, if I wasn't autistic I would have had completely different experiences and struggles throughout my life, different friends and interests, and as such would be a very different person.

The way I think of it is seems retarded but isn't. So at a glance we look retarded because of social impairments but the more they get to know us the more capable they'll see us as. You can't expect random members of the population to be able to differentiate the two instantly. Why should they care enough to put time into researching it? And I'd have to be delusional to think I'm not impaired. Or in denial. Just me? If so, why just me? I don't have this super secret, unique "different way", I'm impaired and need to learn so I have a remote chance of having an independent future.

Well they talk like improving social skills means no personality and I don't get it. NTs have personality so wouldn't an autistic learning social skills also have the same personality regardless of social ability? And sure it shaped it growing up but if it was suddenly removed you'd still be yourself right?

 

[pax]

I've been told by one doctor that I couldn't have it, but she referred me to a shrink to humour me. The report came back (I wasn't supposed to read it, but I did) that I certainly had traits consistant with AS. The shrink suggested , in speaking with me,that I was probably on the more serious end, but had built coping strategies. ( Not always effective, I might add). That same doctor treated me like a freak from that point on, to the point that when I visited with an obvious case of the flu, she made snide comments about me skiving off work, laughingly quoting my weight to the nearest decimal point, and trying to give me a pap smear I didn't need. I never got so much as an aspirin or a work certificat. I never went back.

 

[Hedgehog Instigator]

The way I think of it is seems retarded but isn't. So at a glance we look retarded because of social impairments but the more they get to know us the more capable they'll see us as. You can't expect random members of the population to be able to differentiate the two instantly. Why should they care enough to put time into researching it? And I'd have to be delusional to think I'm not impaired. Or in denial. Just me? If so, why just me? I don't have this super secret, unique "different way", I'm impaired and need to learn so I have a remote chance of having an independent future.

Well they talk like improving social skills means no personality and I don't get it. NTs have personality so wouldn't an autistic learning social skills also have the same personality regardless of social ability? And sure it shaped it growing up but if it was suddenly removed you'd still be yourself right?

Autism used to just be lumped together with this and other offensive terms so yes people mean 'seem retarded'

 

[WildCat]

Nope, apparently I'm too "normal" or barely passing for it at this point. That, and I don't count toothpicks or memorize poker cards. I've been called plenty of other things though...

 

[Larisa]

You're all lucky. I wish I was able to pass as normal. As I am no job wants me and people talk to me like I'm not here mentally. Nobody has any doubts I'm autistic. What they seem to doubt is that autistic people have IQs above 0 based on how they talk to me. To be told you don't seem autistic is a huge compliment. What they're saying is you seem smart.

I think it's not really a compliment. I think autistic people are more vulnerable to abuse on work than NT people.
I can work but I have great problems with proving my point of view - because I rely on reasonable arguments and NT people mostly believe that if a person can think clear - he/she doesn't need help/support and cope just fine.
It's not true.
As I look around I see that normal people get what they need by manipulation on emotions mostly.
All that flattering, complaining, flirting and so on - that works for solving problems in the office and putting the tasks on somebody else!
But I can not do it - and I have more tasks than many people in my office. But I'm not paid higher than them.
I stopped worrying if I have meltdowns in the office - they deserve it and I'm not ashamed if I snap.

 

[unsurewhattoname]

I think it's not really a compliment. I think autistic people are more vulnerable to abuse on work than NT people.
I can work but I have great problems with proving my point of view - because I rely on reasonable arguments and NT people mostly believe that if a person can think clear - he/she doesn't need help/support and cope just fine.
It's not true.
As I look around I see that normal people get what they need by manipulation on emotions mostly.
All that flattering, complaining, flirting and so on - that works for solving problems in the office and putting the tasks on somebody else!
But I can not do it - and I have more tasks than many people in my office. But I'm not paid higher than them.
I stopped worrying if I have meltdowns in the office - they deserve it and I'm not ashamed if I snap.

Does disclosing fix this?

 

[Larisa]

Does disclosing fix this?

In my country adults aren't diagnosed 'Asperger Syndrome" (only for children younger 18 years old) but schizophrenia (and when a child with official diagnosis AS reaches 18 years - the diagnosis changes to schizophrenia).
The public opinion is: "It's a tough world - take it or leave it", nobody cares if a person has their individual challenges. I mean - in the office (relatives and friends may care but can not do much to help).
I go to my psychologist (for 9 years) when I really need support but situations in the office may distress me to the point of meltdown.

 

[Crossbreed]

Which country is that? I've run into that same attitude in northern Wisconsin, USA. The old diagnosis for childhood Aspergers used to be Infantile Schizophrenia.

 

[Larisa]

Russia
And I have no official diagnosis (and never had).
Anyway - it's more a drawback than any sort of help.

 

[wyverary]

I've heard people express surprise, but never outright rejection of the fact that I am on the autism spectrum. Then again, these are people I either know intimately, or people I meet with whom I have an instant connection. But most people accept it...I think they can see that, while I can pass for a somewhat normal person (for which I can thank years of practice and education), I'm not quite what you would call "ordinary." It still comes across in my mannerisms and my way of speaking, much as I try to hide it, and I think most people pick up on that. But I can easily see how someone would not automatically assume I'm on the spectrum, or that people would refuse to believe me. But the important thing is that I know that I am. Hell, I've even doubted myself sometimes. But when I attended an autism meeting last week, it was obvious that I was among my own kind.

Most of the time, it doesn't matter what people think. I try not to get hung up on that. What matters to me is that people understand me, and that doesn't necessarily mean they have to accept the fact that I'm on the spectrum, or that they have a good understand the idea of autism. I am simply "me," and as long as I'm accepted for that, life is gravy. If I'm NOT accepted for being "me," well, those aren't people I want in my life anyway. Someone I don't like, or care much about, like a co-worker or fellow student, I don't care what they think.

 

[Progster]

Nobody has ever tried to directly deny the diagnosis, but a couple of times I got "you must be high functioning" or "your symptoms are mild" or something like that, but since I don't disclose the diagnosis unless it is really necessary, people don't know and I don't get comments.

 

[malortie]

I still am awaiting for a diagnosis,

During one of my earlier visit to GP, I told him about some experience that happened to university and why I began doing research related to the traits of mine, which led me to believe that I might have Asperger's.

Before I even had the time to finish explaining my researches, and that I wished to see a psychiatrist, he interrupted me, stating it was impossible for me to be autistic.

Of note, he is not a psychiatrist, but a GP, which makes him unqualified for assuming whether or not I would be on the spectrum.

I tried to do my best in explaining to him why I believe I have Asperger's, as I came with a complete list of traits, which are noticeable within Aspies. For a bit more precision, I was able to identify 95% of those traits in myself, and my father told me that it describes me very well.

Despite this, he told me that 'I proved' not to have Asperger's simply because I questioned my behavior. He told be that people with Autism are 'unable' to realize they're 'wrong'. On a personal note, I found such words to be extreme prejudice.

Then, after turning his eyes to my sheet of paper, on which were printed the most common traits found within people on the spectrum, he had a bad eye, and told me that most of what is found on the internet is 'biased'.

For an example, he stated that if I open up my 'web browser', and then type in the word 'Cancer', it will tell me I have Cancer, seriously? Perhaps it was a joke on his side, but I am not quite convinced, since he would have said so.

A few weeks later, my father and myself went on to see a social worker, and by luck this person told us to have already worked with people on the spectrum. We scheduled a 'rendez-vous' and finally saw this person, who was very patient and took her time to listen to my entire conversation I had about my long difficult past within society.

She told me there are high chances I would have Asperger's, from what I told to her, and she was convinced of it. She prepared a folder with my name and put on a recommendation to see a true psychiatrist, as soon as possible. My father and myself were so glad. So much for just getting help, or at least finding a person to listen to us.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I've been told I can't be autistic because I'm literate and capable of coherent thought.
Yes, someone actually said that to me - I quote. They said it because some other autistic people they knew weren't capable of those things. (I say they probably weren't capable of EXPRESSING it.) Apparently we're all the same, and autism isn't a spectrum after all. (sarcasm there)
Mind you, it was a stranger on Facebook. Someone who has never met me in person - who doesn't know me or my life at all. And someone who obviously knows absolutely nothing about autism.
And there was someone else who said "You're not autistic, you just have Asperger's."

 

[artfull dodger]

I have always been called odd, weird, introverted ect. But it wasn't till mid life that I got a professional diagnosis or Asperger's. I have never been told I do not have it, but when I am over stimulated to the point of being tongue tied, folks that do not know me ask "whats wrong with you?" I usualy have to show them my bracelet that I wear that says I have an autism spectrum disorder. To that they say "that makes sense." and they try to either help or leave me along to calm down. I also do not see what I do is wrong, not untill I am told so. But I have learned to better cope with that, espicaly after I got my diagnosis and started learning about myself like I had never done. Some days I can be very high functioning, but it can fall apart very fast on me. Some days I can barely function, being very short tempered, outright rude or insulting as I am overstressed and unable to temper my comments, even if they are blunt and rude. I try to avoid people at all costs on those days, and if at work, I let my bosses know and they endevor to keep customers out of my shop that day. Mike

 

[unsurewhattoname]

I usualy have to show them my bracelet that I wear that says I have an autism spectrum disorder.

Not heard of bracelets before. I have an autism alert card but I've not used it yet.

 

[Datura]

I wish I was able to pass as normal. As I am no job wants me and people talk to me like I'm not here mentally. Nobody has any doubts I'm autistic. What they seem to doubt is that autistic people have IQs above 0 based on how they talk to me. To be told you don't seem autistic is a huge compliment. What they're saying is you seem smart.

I usually pass as "normal", but not always, and I have to agree with @whattoname, it is usually better to pass. Try being an aide worker and being mistaken for a client, or being asked by a co-wroker if you can read after having graduated high school with honors in English. It shakes a person's confidence and makes one wonder what opportunities they are missing on account of the way they come across. To never pass as NT is bound to have profound concequences.

On the other hand; I have been told that I am not autistic. My mom doesn't believe I am on the spectrum because I was far too friendly as a child. One councilor I saw while on suicide watch said, "You don't seem like someone with Asperger's." Then again, I may not be on the spectrum. I certainly have my own doubts. But there is deffinitely something going on with me that has always set me apart and made life more difficult. The fact that I often do come across as bight and relatively "normal" makes it more confusing to others when I do have difficulty with things they take for granted.

Also; a note on "passing." I find it interesting that it is used quite a bit both by this community and trans folks. Coincidentally, when I transitioned from male to female not only did I learn to pass better as a woman, but also as a "normal" person in general. Perhaps this is because I was conciously analysing things like vocal cadence, word choice, and manurisms; in esscence, re-socializing myself. This is also the time that I first started feeling comfortable around other people and making friends independantly. Not that I am suggesting anyone should go out and have a sex change to better fit in (oh, hell no!) just that it's an interesting corelation. If there is a takeaway I suppose it is that by intentionally constructing a persona one can better fit in, but that this sometimes comes at the expense of people seeing your needs.