Has anyone here overcome difficulties with social perceptions?

[Ivana]

Hi,

I have some problems with social functioning as it can be so complex.
I can tell the "obvious' facial expressions such as if someone smiles they are happy,if they scrunch up face they are mad etc..but I can't tell the more "ambiguous" things like if someone is nice to your face but is really a serial killer,and I can't always tell the "type" of person I am taking to -ie:distinguish one persons personality or ambience from the next one.
Eg:normally you have to adapt socially to the different types of individuals that you are relating to,but I am unable to do that.
I can sometimes be quite aloof and have to remind myself that you are meant to not just talk with people but also form/feel some emotional connection with them.

 

[Suzanne]

Unfortunately not!

I find it extremely tiring to adapt to different personalities with my own sex.

Males are a bit easier, because they seem to not have too many different emotions and despite me being a female, I tend to be more like a man in this regard.

When I am told: just be yourself. I ask: but what is myself?

I think the key is to listen rather than talk and to find some interest in the person's pleasure, which makes it easier to communicate.

 

[Ivana]

Unfortunately not!

I find it extremely tiring to adapt to different personalities with my own sex.

Males are a bit easier, because they seem to not have too many different emotions and despite me being a female, I tend to be more like a man in this regard.

When I am told: just be yourself. I ask: but what is myself?

I think the key is to listen rather than talk and to find some interest in the person's pleasure, which makes it easier to communicate.

I can relate to everything you said.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I'm aloof, too, don't pick up on people's body language and moods, don't have this emotional reciprocity that NTs seem to have.

 

[Judge]

I can sometimes be quite aloof and have to remind myself that you are meant to not just talk with people but also form/feel some emotional connection with them.

Good subject, Ivana.

I think it's a valid concern particularly for the Neurodiverse. In a world dominated by Neurotypicals, I suspect it's easy for them to quickly surmise that such apparent aloofness on our part amounts to a hostile gesture. When in most cases I suspect this is not the intention on our part.

That in essence some of our traits and behaviors inherently constitute mixed messages to NTs. In my own case I can only say that my ability to mimic NT behaviors goes only so far. That I can superficially fake it enough to get along in a group. However this isn't meant to imply that I can get on a level with them in which I can truly relate. Because in my own case, the truth is that in most cases I can't.

In essence to emphasize that masking one's autistic traits isn't a way to overcome them. Only a way to hide them, and always on a temporary basis.

What really makes me think about this thread is that it's likely that when I mask such behavior, that it so preoccupies me that I have nothing left over to pursue that emotional connection with others. Kinda sad I suppose, but there you have it, at least in my own case.

 

[VJCJ0628]

I have got a lot better at this over time, I am not perfect at it I do miss things sometimes, However, I can pick up on some things like if a person (if it's not their normal demeanor) is fidgety or looks away could be hiding something or lying, or uninterested depending on the conversation

Also, I pick up a lot of voice tone and changes, Probably due to phone sales, However, I get more from voice then I do otherwise, I can be compleatly of when speaking via txt or email

I am also a lot better at picking up things man to man, then I am opposite sex, Its almost like this a different language.

 

[tducey]

I'm pretty good in social situations but really don't like an overly big crowd. I find things get to confusing sometimes in a big crowd.

 

[Bella Pines]

Nope. Still working on it. I find that body language alone isn't enough, I'm starting to mix in a history of their behavior in an attempt to understand NTs. I should film a David Attenborough style documentary... "here in the wild we are observing the social rituals of a herd of NTs, see how they seek approval from the dominant personality and mirror their movements, flocking in unison toward a feeding hole..."

 

[Bolletje]

I have learned through a lot of exposure, trial and error.