Grilling Them Back!!

[OkRad]

Just this morning I was out there walking around and it happened again.

People feel they have rights with odd people. They cannot STAND when someone is weird and they cannot figure it out. In the past, I would try to square their circle, make up something to make sense to them. But I can't anymore because it's too hard.

So today a lady starts:

"Are you out here every day?" Clearly she has been noticing I am and is wondering why.
I say yes, and then turn it on her:

"Are you out here every day, too?"

She looks a bit taken aback: "Ummmmm.......I try....."

She keeps going: "Where do you live? Are you near by?"

I mumble that I am not too far and then ask her where SHE lives.

At this point she starts to look uneasy and kind of points over yonder in a non-specific way.

I have noticed when people start to grill me and I grill them with their very own questions, they get all flustered.

For instance, they say, "What are you reading?" I tell them and then ask "Do you like to read?" or "What do you like to read?" And they get all flustered as if I invaded their space.

SO I just discovered a cure for people getting in my space. ASK THEM THE SAME QUESTION BACK!! Kindly, of course. :-D

 

[Suzanne]

I have discovered something Okrad, that my husband informed me. It is called: trying to have a conversation. And why she got flustered because she sensed you were being antaganistic.

I am still trying to get my head around the art of conversation. I asked someone how they were and they related a serious of things that were going on and so, I came back with some practical solutions and what was said in response to me, made me think: but why did you say all those things, only to then say that someone is helping sort things out? So, in my confusion I asked my husband and he said: darling, it is called: conversation!

So I now realise that I am taking those things too literally, rather than because the person is just trying to have some form of conversation.

But, yes, people really do not like having the question thrown back at them lol

And unfortunately, people who dress different etc, will be stared at; We human beings are very curious people.

 

[OkRad]

I have discovered something Okrad, that my husband informed me. It is called: trying to have a conversation. And why she got flustered because she sensed you were being antaganistic.

I am still trying to get my head around the art of conversation. I asked someone how they were and they related a serious of things that were going on and so, I came back with some practical solutions and what was said in response to me, made me think: but why did you say all those things, only to then say that someone is helping sort things out? So, in my confusion I asked my husband and he said: darling, it is called: conversation!

So I now realise that I am taking those things too literally, rather than because the person is just trying to have some form of conversation.

But, yes, people really do not like having the question thrown back at them lol

And unfortunately, people who dress different etc, will be stared at; We human beings are very curious people.

Yes, if she had wanted to converse, that would be OK. But I have learned over and over, people are curious about me. They do not want to converse. The more honest ones are flat out about how weird I am.

Now, I was not rude. I was smiling when I asked her if she was out there, too, etc. I am autistic....I know the difference between a curious person and one who wants to converse. People who want to converse do not start to grill me out of context. She could have at least introduced herself.

So I know it's natural and not planned. No one means to do it. But I can no longer just take it all and think, "Oh, it's just me. I have to learn how to do this or that."

I am too old to be always trying to make myself fit into the NT world. I am kind and nice because that is the right thing to do, but it's also natural to be poed when people pry and I have a right to stop it.

 

[AveApollo]

I am autistic....I know the difference between a curious person and one who wants to converse. People who want to converse do not start to grill me out of context. She could have at least introduced herself.

I am not doubting what you say about her being too nosy or over curious because see saw you seemed different. An NT isn't going to say "hi, why do you do this strange thing", they'll be more likely to attempt conversation in order to find information about you out.

Secondly: I am also autistic, but can't really tell when someone is being curious because they are invasive, or if they are curious because they want to get to know me and be friends. So while you might have this skill, not all of us do.

Thirdly: I often don't introduce myself with strangers. I don't do preamble (I think that's the right word/spelling), very much. I'm direct and don't do small talk much. This is common for Asperger Syndrome. Information gathering/exchange is also Aspie-like. She might be an Aspie? However, if you're quiet sure she's an NT, then her lack of preamble might be intentional and signs that she was being nosy for the reason you suggested.

I often just give 1 word answers when I don't want to talk to strangers. I don't know if an NT would think that's more rude or of they think that answering them by then turning their question back on them might not be the 'normal' way of conversing, so maybe thought you were being difficult.

 

[Jusdifferent]

Yes, if she had wanted to converse, that would be OK. But I have learned over and over, people are curious about me. They do not want to converse. The more honest ones are flat out about how weird I am.

Now, I was not rude. I was smiling when I asked her if she was out there, too, etc. I am autistic....I know the difference between a curious person and one who wants to converse. People who want to converse do not start to grill me out of context. She could have at least introduced herself.

So I know it's natural and not planned. No one means to do it. But I can no longer just take it all and think, "Oh, it's just me. I have to learn how to do this or that."

I am too old to be always trying to make myself fit into the NT world. I am kind and nice because that is the right thing to do, but it's also natural to be poed when people pry and I have a right to stop it.

 

[Jusdifferent]

Yes, I feel like that a lot, too. At 49, I am done trying to fit in their strange world of nuances, double speak, and facades. I understand <3

 

[Jusdifferent]

Just this morning I was out there walking around and it happened again.

People feel they have rights with odd people. They cannot STAND when someone is weird and they cannot figure it out. In the past, I would try to square their circle, make up something to make sense to them. But I can't anymore because it's too hard.

So today a lady starts:

"Are you out here every day?" Clearly she has been noticing I am and is wondering why.
I say yes, and then turn it on her:

"Are you out here every day, too?"

She looks a bit taken aback: "Ummmmm.......I try....."

She keeps going: "Where do you live? Are you near by?"

I mumble that I am not too far and then ask her where SHE lives.

At this point she starts to look uneasy and kind of points over yonder in a non-specific way.

I have noticed when people start to grill me and I grill them with their very own questions, they get all flustered.

For instance, they say, "What are you reading?" I tell them and then ask "Do you like to read?" or "What do you like to read?" And they get all flustered as if I invaded their space.

SO I just discovered a cure for people getting in my space. ASK THEM THE SAME QUESTION BACK!! Kindly, of course. :-D

Rad - This may help; it may not. Get yourself an MP3. I am never without one in public. When I really want to be left alone - that's the ticket.

 

[AveApollo]

I am still trying to get my head around the art of conversation. I asked someone how they were and they related a serious of things that were going on and so, I came back with some practical solutions and what was said in response to me, made me think: but why did you say all those things, only to then say that someone is helping sort things out? So, in my confusion I asked my husband and he said: darling, it is called: conversation!

So I now realise that I am taking those things too literally, rather than because the person is just trying to have some form of conversation.

I do the same. It is an Aspie thing to assume the person needs practical advise or problems to be solved. It is an NT thing to talk for the sake of talking because it helps them connect. That is their type of conversation. Our type of conversation is more practical based, or information exchange based. I am annoyed because my dad keeps telling me to learn the art of conversation. What NTs mean is "learn how to have our types of conversation, because that is the only valid form - your type is invalid, rude, strange, too intese etc".

Aspies are very capable of having emotion and feelings during conversations, but there needs to be a point to the conversation most of the time, I feel. If it's with a close friend, then I'm happy to chat about general stuff for a little while, as just being around them is cool, but I often turn it back to something of practical importance. I can't see the point in small talk general conversations with strangers.

I am getting of the opinion of OkRad. I can't continue trying to adjust and fake myself in to the NT norms anymore. It makes me stressed and feel down.

 

[AveApollo]

Rad - This may help; it may not. Get yourself an MP3. I am never without one in public. When I really want to be left alone - that's the ticket.

I do that too big headphones usually helps!

 

[Jusdifferent]

I can't continue trying to adjust and fake myself in to the NT norms anymore. It makes me stressed and feel down.[/QUOTE]

Yes. My trying to "pass", is what led to a lifelong drug and alcohol problem. When I stopped trying to "fit in", started setting boundaries, and began telling people what I really think of them - I was finally able to get clean and sober. Yes, I have fewer friends, but the ones that I have I enjoy.

 

[Suzanne]

I do the same. It is an Aspie thing to assume the person needs practical advise or problems to be solved. It is an NT thing to talk for the sake of talking because it helps them connect. That is their type of conversation. Our type of conversation is more practical based, or information exchange based. I am annoyed because my dad keeps telling me to learn the art of conversation. What NTs mean is "learn how to have our types of conversation, because that is the only valid form - your type is invalid, rude, strange, too intese etc".

Aspies are very capable of having emotion and feelings during conversations, but there needs to be a point to the conversation most of the time, I feel. If it's with a close friend, then I'm happy to chat about general stuff for a little while, as just being around them is cool, but I often turn it back to something of practical importance. I can't see the point in small talk general conversations with strangers.

I am getting of the opinion of OkRad. I can't continue trying to adjust and fake myself in to the NT norms anymore. It makes me stressed and feel down.

Yes, something new I discovered. Ie that when people say things, it is not always about wanting advice or suggestions, it is just something to say, but in truth, that really confuses me, because how can one tell which is which?

I a really glad for texting, because it does save a lot of embarrassment!

 

[Alcyon]

Rad - This may help; it may not. Get yourself an MP3. I am never without one in public. When I really want to be left alone - that's the ticket.

OMG!!! This is fantastic! I used to put buds in my ears on my lunch break at work; no music, no player, just the buds, with the plug tucked into a pocket of my overalls. I could sit and gently rock if I wanted, and no-one would bother me or think me strange: after all, I seemed to be just listening to music! How could I have forgotten about this!?