Greetings. Questioning.

[Theodiskaz]

Hello, I am 54 and just diagnosed. I learned to lie to save my life as a very young, hyperactive boy, or so it felt to me. I hate lying. I still will sometimes still blurt a lie, especially during highly stressful situations like a transition. My wife and I have actually worked out protocols for her to approach me in search of information in such a way that I can calmly answer her questions. This both disgusts me and makes me question hard this diagnosis.

Moreover, I stare at people, according to the smart one, my longsuffering, unheralded wife. Sure I do. You can't trust em. Quite unpredictable. Dangerous. So I am attracted to anyone who gets physically very close. I prefer to wear sunglasses so I can keep people in sight, plus it gives one the power to turn away the gaze of almost anyone who is looking at you.

In class, I lock eyes with the instructor, absorbed in the lecture. When I talk to strangers, I make them uncomfortable with my gaze, and vice versa. With my wife, I look into her eyes to see if something is wrong, but can't if she is crying or cross with me.

I am a wildly emotional man. I meltdown at the drop of pin, or the change of a plan. And I really, really care about the level of suffering in the world. I think about it, try to understand it, try to think how to fight it. Yes, the truth is I cry quite a lot, consider myself to be highly empathetic. I have three granddaughters who live in my heart. They are my favorite people, and I am their favourite nurturer, book reader, boo boo kisser etc.

I would like to entreat anyone here with whom these experiences resonate to please let me know.

I never fit anywhere and will not be surprised if I don't here, either.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

 

[Mia]

Welcome Theodiskaz to Aspie Central!

Your post resonated with me, as I am also empathic in my own manner. I'm a 56 year old Aspie married to another Aspie and I too think about the suffering in the world.

My concerns relate to people and animals, that they have food, and don't go hungry. Belong to a local children's breakfast and lunch program that raises funds for school children so that they have breakfast and lunch each day during the week. Also feed stray and feral cats and have for many years.

I like your take on people, you've verbalized things I've felt and still feel. Again welcome.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

...and makes me question hard this diagnosis.

I resonate with that! Every now and then I come across something which autistic people apparently do and I realise I don't and then I have doubts in my mind if I'm even autistic. Looking at it now though I can see that's a bit of black and white thinking - which, is an autistic thing. So, swings and round-a-bouts.

The trick is to take note of the things you do display so when you ponder the question again or someone asks you about how you have autism you'll be able to say, "I do X, X and X." Well that's my thought process anyway, I still need to do this myself. It's, umm, hard to do that when no one tells you how you're autistic.

 

[Warmheart]

Welcome Theodiskaz ! I can relate to some of what you've shared. You are not alone here, but among friends. I'm glad you've joined us!

 

[Myway]

Hey. Welcome to AC. Make yourself at home. We are friendly.

 

[ksheehan88]

Welcome Theodiskaz!

I also resonate with much of what you say - I am a deeply empathetic person too, which also threw me off when looking into the possibility of AS.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Hello, I am 54 and just diagnosed. I learned to lie to save my life as a very young, hyperactive boy, or so it felt to me. I hate lying. I still will sometimes still blurt a lie, especially during highly stressful situations like a transition. My wife and I have actually worked out protocols for her to approach me in search of information in such a way that I can calmly answer her questions. This both disgusts me and makes me question hard this diagnosis.

Moreover, I stare at people, according to the smart one, my longsuffering, unheralded wife. Sure I do. You can't trust em. Quite unpredictable. Dangerous. So I am attracted to anyone who gets physically very close. I prefer to wear sunglasses so I can keep people in sight, plus it gives one the power to turn away the gaze of almost anyone who is looking at you.

In class, I lock eyes with the instructor, absorbed in the lecture. When I talk to strangers, I make them uncomfortable with my gaze, and vice versa. With my wife, I look into her eyes to see if something is wrong, but can't if she is crying or cross with me.

I am a wildly emotional man. I meltdown at the drop of pin, or the change of a plan. And I really, really care about the level of suffering in the world. I think about it, try to understand it, try to think how to fight it. Yes, the truth is I cry quite a lot, consider myself to be highly empathetic. I have three granddaughters who live in my heart. They are my favorite people, and I am their favourite nurturer, book reader, boo boo kisser etc.

I would like to entreat anyone here with whom these experiences resonate to please let me know.

I never fit anywhere and will not be surprised if I don't here, either.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

I understand the empathy and lying part. To me learning how to lie and be extra careful at times really did seem vital and necessary. Even if i'm a 90's kid, parents back then weren't educated about it cause aspergers syndrome was such a new word and even if they were, they weren't going to look for it in a little girl. Ive always thought of myself as being very empathetic. Ive heard it said that aspies aren't unfeeling, but rather they feel more strongly than neurotypicals but just don't express it in the same manner, and that definetally holds true for me. Most of my empathy is for children, animals, and the wars. I have 3 rescue cats. I watch war movies not just because I like them but also because I feel like its the easiest way to remember them and try to understand them more. If they're based off a true story, anyways. As much as maybe it sounds unpatriotic I've always tried to understand both sides of the wars - why we fought, but also why they fought. Maybe its just cause as an aspie I don't understand people even in normal situations, idk. I've always felt like just accepting one side's propaganda is wrong, sociopathic even, so I try to understand as much as I can about the whole situation cause both sides have people with families and lives.

 

[Kirsty]

I never fit anywhere and will not be surprised if I don't here, either.

A very warm welcome to you.

I feel like this a lot of the time, but not so much anymore since discovering this site. I wish you the same too.

 

[ksheehan88]

I understand the empathy and lying part. To me learning how to lie and be extra careful at times really did seem vital and necessary. Even if i'm a 90's kid, parents back then weren't educated about it cause aspergers syndrome was such a new word and even if they were, they weren't going to look for it in a little girl. Ive always thought of myself as being very empathetic. Ive heard it said that aspies aren't unfeeling, but rather they feel more strongly than neurotypicals but just don't express it in the same manner, and that definetally holds true for me. Most of my empathy is for children, animals, and the wars. I have 3 rescue cats. I watch war movies not just because I like them but also because I feel like its the easiest way to remember them and try to understand them more. If they're based off a true story, anyways. As much as maybe it sounds unpatriotic I've always tried to understand both sides of the wars - why we fought, but also why they fought. Maybe its just cause as an aspie I don't understand people even in normal situations, idk. I've always felt like just accepting one side's propaganda is wrong, sociopathic even, so I try to understand as much as I can about the whole situation cause both sides have people with families and lives.

The same hold true for me Kari with much of what you said.