Greeting and hand shakes

[Granta_Omega]

I was doing part of my evaluation today for Asperger's/ASD with a professional, and he mentioned later in the conversation that he noticed that I had a very natural hand shake, and he noticed some people with autism disorders had uncomfortable and awkward handshakes, so he was wondering if maybe I had a kind of coaching and training on that kind of thing on how to handle greetings. He didn't seem to think that this was a definite indicator or dis-qualifier but I never really thought about this before. Is it typical for most people on the spectrum to have a hand shake difficulty?

Also, I didn't get an answer to whether or not there will be an actual diagnosis of anything ASD or related, and he said he didn't want to even tell me what he was thinking about it as of now until he interviewed my mom over the phone about my developmental delays and went over the notes again because he didn't want to mislead me or anything, so I'm supposed to wait a week, so I don't know as of now if I have anything of the sort.

 

[Aspieistj]

I am 70 and for much of my life women didn't shake hands with anyone. With Women's Lib, the asexual handshake came into normal etiquette. I still view hand shaking as a male behavior and always feel odd if I have to shake anyone's hand, male or female, even though I understand it has become the norm. I definitely hate to do anything more than 2 right hands clasping briefly. The Obama shake while using the other hand to touch the other person is very distressing to me. Bad enough to have to touch right hands. Also, I am a sort of germ freak and I have no idea where the other person's hand has recently been. I wish social behavior would move to fist bumps--fewer germs exchanged. The Aspie in me doesn't want to be touched, the old lady doesn't feel handshakes are feminine behavior, and the germ freak doesn't want to share germs.

 

[King_Oni]

I never really thought if my handshakes were weird... however, I'm not really one for handshakes anyway. I don't have a germ thing or anything, but this social contract of shaking hands as a greeting... I just don't care for it at all (much like plenty of other similar "social" things).

Besides, the notion of handshaking is an outdated concept. It's something that stems from the Romans where they did so to check for concealed weapons at the wrist (though their handshake was clutching each others wrist rather than hands). But then again, I'm no history buff, so this could just as well be a hoax, lol. But in all seriousness, I guess I could claim that I find it offensive people think I'd bring a weapon if they offer me a handshake.

It doesn't mean that I never ever will shake someones hand, but it's the rare occasion where I feel more that it's that I must. Among friends I'm less picky about it. But like I said, it has nothing to do with germs, I just find the concept silly and I don't see why I should take part in any and all things silly.

 

[wyverary]

@King: Handshaking is still a really big thing here in the States. It took me a long time to learn how to do them properly...although even now, I like to throw people off by giving a very limp, feminine handshake. And I would never, EVER use my other hand to touch the other person's hand...whenever someone does that to me, it makes my skin crawl. I try to avoid handshakes when possible, but that's hard...

 

[King_Oni]

@King: Handshaking is still a really big thing here in the States. It took me a long time to learn how to do them properly...although even now, I like to throw people off by giving a very limp, feminine handshake. And I would never, EVER use my other hand to touch the other person's hand...whenever someone does that to me, it makes my skin crawl. I try to avoid handshakes when possible, but that's hard...

I've had a few situations where I dealt with people for my disability income assessment. They extended their hand and I just gazed at them and told them "I'm sorry, but I don't do handshakes". They didn't seem bothered by it at all. They didn't bother to get into the argument why I don't like it. They pretty much accepted it. Later when I got back for a 2nd interview there they remembered it even. That was pretty nice though.

But what exactly is it that makes your skin crawl? The physical contact? Or that it's such a mandatory thing to engage in such behavior?

I think it's funny though, since looking around the globe (and perhaps on this forum very much so) it opened some perspective how some countries are bent on customs and I tend to happen to live in a country that for some reason doesn't care about it that much at all.

 

[wyverary]

But what exactly is it that makes your skin crawl? The physical contact? Or that it's such a mandatory thing to engage in such behavior?

Mainly, it's the physical contact. I mean, I have a hard enough time with the handshake itself. But more, it's the KIND of physical contact...for whatever reason, "lighter" physical contact, stroking and the like, raises my hairs more than, say, a firm handshake, a poke, or even a big hug.

 

[Flinty]

Sincere handshakes are the one form of contact that doesn't bother me. I would call my handshake...mediocre. Below average, but not terrible.

However, there are those who seem to get off on causing others physical pain with their handshakes. Grow up, guys.

 

[Granta_Omega]

Okay, so I'm confused at the general consensus, if one should exist. Do you find that you have an awkward handshake if someone asks you to do it or gestures for it, or would you rather just avoid it if you could? Does anyone feel your handshake is weird or forced, like moving your hand up and down in a forced rhythm type pattern?

 

[King_Oni]

Does anyone feel your handshake is weird or forced, like moving your hand up and down in a forced rhythm type pattern?

Very much so... it's no more or less weird than say the often used example of the inuit greeting where people rub their noses against each other or a Namaste greeting. Western society just decided to settle on the handshake. It could just as well be something else like cupping each others private parts for a short period (just to make up an example). There are plenty of different forms of greeting worldwide it's just that this caught on here.

I do wonder what kind of greetings people here would prefer and how they would perceive other greetings throughout the world.

 

[Granta_Omega]

Very much so... it's no more or less weird than say the often used example of the inuit greeting where people rub their noses against each other or a Namaste greeting. Western society just decided to settle on the handshake. It could just as well be something else like cupping each others private parts for a short period (just to make up an example). There are plenty of different forms of greeting worldwide it's just that this caught on here.

I do wonder what kind of greetings people here would prefer and how they would perceive other greetings throughout the world.

I guess I just never really thought about it. I didn't necessarily like to shake hands when I was little, but I never really thought of it as like this big awkward thing. I guess that counts out my diagnosis.

 

[Droopy]

I am rarely in a situation where I have to shake another person's hand but I try to avoid it if possible due to my OCD.

 

[Cellborne]

I have to hand shake a significant amount in my profession. Every single time I analyze the entire process. Thousands of handshakes and it is still not natural for me to extend my hand automatically. It feels very mechanical for me, I also focus on the hand as an object instead of looking in to the persons eyes. Im not sure I breathe during the entire process either. Lol

 

[ThePhenixCode]

I don’t know why I hate shaking hands. Hugs with my friends are fine, i think it’s the hand contact. I hate clapping aswell

 

[Mary Anne]

I am 70 and for much of my life women didn't shake hands with anyone. With Women's Lib, the asexual handshake came into normal etiquette. I still view hand shaking as a male behavior and always feel odd if I have to shake anyone's hand, male or female, even though I understand it has become the norm. I definitely hate to do anything more than 2 right hands clasping briefly. The Obama shake while using the other hand to touch the other person is very distressing to me. Bad enough to have to touch right hands. Also, I am a sort of germ freak and I have no idea where the other person's hand has recently been. I wish social behavior would move to fist bumps--fewer germs exchanged. The Aspie in me doesn't want to be touched, the old lady doesn't feel handshakes are feminine behavior, and the germ freak doesn't want to share germs.

I am nearly 62, and lived my life mostly in the urban Chicago and NYC regions of the USA. As a biologically born female, we always engaged in handshaking. I do not know where you lived but for me hand shakes were always part of normal daily life. I have no problem with it whatsoever, and often am the first to extend my hand to shake. In my last 2 job, where I dealt with the homeless and severe
ly mental ill, it was difficult to remind myself to first bump instead of shake hands.

I have a good strong shake and I am proud of this. Unless one is from Japan, or other parts of Asia, where bowing is more customary, hand shaking is quite normal for all sexes.

 

[Progster]

Any physical contact with a stranger feels awkward to me and doesn't come naturally or automatically, but I can do handshakes. It's this female cheek kissing and hugging that I can't do. I'd much rather just shake hands, or even better, just say hello, pleased to meet you.

I've always wondered what the point of the handshake is anyway??? Why can't people just greet each other by saying hello?