Got diagnosed today

[Structrix]

I reacted the same way. I actually was relieved. I think that's the case when you get a diagnosis older. It doesn't shock you because you have already been living and dealing with your ish all the while albeit having difficulty. Welcome!

 

[icesyckel]

I reacted the same way. I actually was relieved. I think that's the case when you get a diagnosis older. It doesn't shock you because you have already been living and dealing with your ish all the while albeit having difficulty. Welcome!

Thanks!

 

[Vanilla]

You know, it's been a few days now, and I still don't really feel anything much about it at all. I believe I had "self-diagnosed" a bit before hand, and I might have been angry had the doc gotten it "wrong" (I felt I was a pretty clear-cut case given the extensive research I did), but since he got it right I am if anything "comfortable" with the result. The only really strong emotional reaction I had was to the doctor being so concerned that I might become violent over the news. That actually freaked me out a bit, and, having thought it over extensively, I am now afraid to tell others. If a psych professional is afraid I might become violent, then what will "ordinary" people think?

It is for precisely that reason I have decided not to "out" myself except when absolutely necessary. I believe I have developed sufficient coping mechanisms to "fool" all but those who are around me on a daily basis, so I don't see the advantage in sharing the news given the doc's relatively disturbing reaction.

I understand completely. Most people will fear what they don't understand. I only tell people I trust can handle it.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

You know, it's been a few days now, and I still don't really feel anything much about it at all. I believe I had "self-diagnosed" a bit before hand, and I might have been angry had the doc gotten it "wrong" (I felt I was a pretty clear-cut case given the extensive research I did), but since he got it right I am if anything "comfortable" with the result. The only really strong emotional reaction I had was to the doctor being so concerned that I might become violent over the news. That actually freaked me out a bit, and, having thought it over extensively, I am now afraid to tell others. If a psych professional is afraid I might become violent, then what will "ordinary" people think?

It is for precisely that reason I have decided not to "out" myself except when absolutely necessary. I believe I have developed sufficient coping mechanisms to "fool" all but those who are around me on a daily basis, so I don't see the advantage in sharing the news given the doc's relatively disturbing reaction.

I believe you mentioned that you're a lawyer? If that's correct, is there anything about your job that has been difficult for you to carry out? (Such as getting up in front of juries, meeting clients, etc.).

 

[icesyckel]

I believe you mentioned that you're a lawyer? If that's correct, is there anything about your job that has been difficult for you to carry out? (Such as getting up in front of juries, meeting clients, etc.).

Getting up in front of juries and public crowds is easy. It is structured. Client meetings/networking is very difficult to me. Rather than being that guy in the firm who schmoozes the clients (which I still try hard to do and do well even though I loathe it), I focus on being indispensable with the traditional lawyer skills: (1) research; (2) analysis; (3) litigation; and... you get the idea. Also, because of my unique wiring, I learn new areas of the law far faster than most of my colleagues. When we get a case in an area of the law with which no one in our firm is familiar, then that case would have to be referred out were it not for me. Most of those cases come to me. I have the broadest area of practice b/c I absorb statutes, precedents, and jurisprudence like a sponge.

The problem is, getting ahead in law is more about business than actual legal skill. I make myself as indispensable as possible, but no matter how good I am with the actual work, client relations is what keeps the lights on. Structured public speaking I can do, and I have even learned how to make conversation with the best of them, but really "connecting" with normal people is still beyond me. I can tell jokes, cut up, and discuss sports teams, but I can't really feel or think like the clients. They have these emotions about their cases, and I just have analysis. They have families and interests that I don't find myself motivated to care about. It is a real exercise.

However, I bring in a lot of clients simply by taking cases so complicated that most lawyers pass on them. Also, like me or not, most of my clients are happy with how their cases are handled, and I never "churn" a file (drag it out to bill more). It isn't the traditional "Mad Men" approach to client relations, but it works, and especially with women who aren't into all the "back slapping."

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I can tell jokes, cut up, and discuss sports teams, but I can't really feel or think like the clients. They have these emotions about their cases, and I just have analysis. They have families and interests that I don't find myself motivated to care about. It is a real exercise.

Emotions aren't always a good thing - sometimes they get in the way. Other Aspies here say they did great on juries because they dealt only in the facts. That's probably why you do so well as a lawyer - you pay attention to details and deal in logic. Regarding about "thinking" like your clients, my take on that is that you're not there to make friends - you're there because they hired you for a job. They'll like you as long as you get them out of the pickle that they're in. I wouldn't be too concerned about "connecting" with them.
Do you have any problems with eye contact? (That would be a big thing I would think in getting a jury to believe your side.)

 

[Judge]

However, I bring in a lot of clients simply by taking cases so complicated that most lawyers pass on them. Also, like me or not, most of my clients are happy with how their cases are handled, and I never "churn" a file (drag it out to bill more). It isn't the traditional "Mad Men" approach to client relations, but it works, and especially with women who aren't into all the "back slapping."

Interesting. It does work for you.

Unless your client is a fellow attorney, it's likely that they put all their faith into whatever you say and do. And with a jury you wouldn't want to maintain eye contact with any one particular juror anyways. So whatever social interaction there is may likely be minimal and superficial mostly on a one-way basis. You speak, they listen.

I suppose the only real social interaction that could be a struggle under such controlled circumstances is any "curveball" a judge throws at you in open court. The person you must deal with face-to-face, and eye-to-eye.

This is just another great example of how diverse we all are, and how erroneous it is to assume ASD is a "cookie-cutter" condition easily diagnosed and explained. It isn't!

 

[icesyckel]

Interesting. It does work for you.

Unless your client is a fellow attorney, it's likely that they put all their faith into whatever you say and do. And with a jury you wouldn't want to maintain eye contact with any one particular juror anyways. So whatever social interaction there is may likely be minimal and superficial.

I suppose the only real social interaction that could be a struggle under such controlled circumstances is any "curveball" a judge throws at you in open court. The person you must deal with face-to-face, and eye-to-eye.

This is just another great example of how diverse we all are, and how erroneous it is to assume ASD is a "cookie-cutter" condition easily diagnosed and explained. It isn't!

In fact, judges are fairly easy. You are never standing less than a couple feet from them, so you can sort of pick a spot on the wall or their foreheads rather than making eye contact, and they don't notice. Since conversation rarely gets "emotional," and since legal discussions in a court or board room are (ideally) ordered and reasoned rather than "conversational," it just sort of works out. Legal communication actually sounds a bit Aspie-like sometimes for reasons too dull for me to get into. Lawyers train for years to communicate in analytical terms with citations to sources/evidence, something which just comes naturally to me.

And you are right - eye contact with any one specific juror can make them uncomfortable, and standing too close to the jury box is a common mistake attorneys make. They jurors cannot all see you if you stand close enough to touch the rail. It is also like you are imposing on THEIR personal space. Instead, I try to mold my face into the "appropriate" expression, stand far enough back that they can ALL see that practiced expression. Lastly, it is actually against the rules to touch the jury box, and some judges enforce that rule (others don't), so my desire to keep a comfortable distance is a win-win.

Still, client lunches are the hardest part of the job for me. I can only memorize so many sports statistics, and listening to the inane "stories" some clients tell is always tedious. Some clients, however, are unique people that fascinate me. Those lunches go better. As always, the more interested I am, the less effort is required. Still, I shudder when female clients sometimes reach out for a hug. It's not sexual or anything - women are often just more expressive about how much they missed you. I like the intent, but the actual hugging is just too much sometimes.

 

[icesyckel]

Emotions aren't always a good thing - sometimes they get in the way. Other Aspies here say they did great on juries because they dealt only in the facts. That's probably why you do so well as a lawyer - you pay attention to details and deal in logic. Regarding about "thinking" like your clients, my take on that is that you're not there to make friends - you're there because they hired you for a job. They'll like you as long as you get them out of the pickle that they're in. I wouldn't be too concerned about "connecting" with them.
Do you have any problems with eye contact? (That would be a big thing I would think in getting a jury to believe your side.)

Unfortunately, the sorts of clients who have more than one case (e.g., insurance adjustors, businesses, etc.) ARE looking for a friend - someone they can work with over a long period. I even understand that, but making "friends" with my clients is the hardest part of my job since, given my preference, I would spent 9/10 nights home alone with my dogs.

 

[Judge]

Still, client lunches are the hardest part of the job for me. I can only memorize so many sports statistics, and listening to the inane "stories" some clients tell is always tedious. Some clients, however, are unique people that fascinate me. Those lunches go better. As always, the more interested I am, the less effort is required. Still, I shudder when female clients sometimes reach out for a hug. It's not sexual or anything - women are often just more expressive about how much they missed you. I like the intent, but the actual hugging is just too much sometimes.

Insecure clients who require elaborate methods of "hand-holding". I can see how that would be challenging for any Aspie. Frankly if I were a defendant, even during lunch you would be a resource I wouldn't want to squander with even a second of small talk.

 

[icesyckel]

Insecure clients who require elaborate methods of "hand-holding". I can see how that would be challenging for any Aspie. Frankly if I were a defendant, even during lunch you would be a resource I wouldn't want to squander with even a second of small talk.

The ones who keep to business are actually easier for me to relate to. In fact, I think the ones who like their jobs and want to "talk shop" are the most like me, making conversation easier. The ones who work hard only so they can play hard, who talk only about their lives outside work (i.e., weekend warriors), those are sooooo difficult. The odds of them being interested in the same things as me are, frankly, pretty sucky.

 

[grommet]

I was diagnosed when I was 38. It was a very long series of tests for me as well - three months. The tests were strange and mostly confusing or boring though I was piqued when I noticed I was unable to perform one of the tasks. It was very interesting that I simply couldn't do it.

I felt better being diagnosed, not happy but better because I had a medically supported conclusion. Learning I was autistic made me understand my whole life better and helped me accept myself though it did not make me happy. It has made things easier.

After multiple appointments and speaking to multiple docs, and after a battery of bizarre tests, I was told that I have Asperger's/ASD depending on the DSM manual used. The doc I met with today seemed concerned about my reaction. He assumed I would take it badly, and maybe I should? He kept asking if I was okay and reminding me that there was nothing "wrong" with me (to the point where it felt like there clearly was).

Thing is, though, I don't really know how I feel about it or should feel about it. I would guess most people were younger than me when they were diagnosed. I am 33. I don't really feel different today than yesterday. I don't really much feel anything about it except perhaps clarity. It is more academic than anything. I was always weird, and now there is a name for it. That much is nice - maybe even a little calming. I like having answers a lot. Unanswered questions really stress me out, and this Dx answers quite a few previously unanswered questions.

So, anyone know what the "normal" reaction is when you get told you're an "Aspie?" The last thing the doc asked before I left was whether I was sure I didn't feel like hurting myself or others. Is THAT the normal reaction? Truth is, the first thing that hit me after he stopped talking to me was how much I wanted some Chinese food.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I was diagnosed when I was 38. It was a very long series of tests for me as well - three months. The tests were strange and mostly confusing or boring though I was piqued when I noticed I was unable to perform one of the tasks. It was very interesting that I simply couldn't do it.

I felt better being diagnosed, not happy but better because I had a medically supported conclusion. Learning I was autistic made me understand my whole life better and helped me accept myself though it did not make me happy. It has made things easier.

If I may ask, can you tell me what task it was you weren't able to complete?

 

[grommet]

Hm, I don't know if I am supposed to, maybe it would make the test less effective for someone who has not taken it yet. If I could hint about it I would say that I was shown a pattern and asked to do something physical that did not follow the clear pattern. I simply could not do it. I tried and tried but I had to follow the pattern. It wasn't even up to me, it just seemed to happen. Very interesting.

If I may ask, can you tell me what task it was you weren't able to complete?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Hm, I don't know if I am supposed to, maybe it would make the test less effective for someone who has not taken it yet. If I could hint about it I would say that I was shown a pattern and asked to do something physical that did not follow the clear pattern. I simply could not do it. I tried and tried but I had to follow the pattern. It wasn't even up to me, it just seemed to happen. Very interesting.

My Aspie friend also said when he had a coach trying to teach him some things on how to give presentations, he was unable to perform several tasks at the same time and no matter how many times he tried he wasn't able to do it. I told him not to be too hard on himself because a lot of NT's couldn't do what his coach was wanting him to do. It is interesting as it sounds like there isn't a connection in the brain for completing that certain task.

 

[Mattymatt]

I too do not multitask very well at all! The trouble with people that do multitask is that a lot gets done but quality suffers. Doing one or two things very well is, IMHO, more important. Too bad the NT world largely disagrees.

 

[Rocco]

A retro hello to Ice
You are a cool one

 

[icesyckel]

Thanks Rocco - that's nice of you to say.

 

[cdt]

Did any of you guys worry about having ASD down on your medical records in case it negatively impacted on your future prospects? I ask because my partner refuses to seek a diagnosis on the basis that he doesn't want it on his medical records, but that's as much as he'll say. I'm NT, so I appreciate that I can't fully understand how he feels about this, or why. However, he's so typical of HFA/Asperger's that I would love it if I could get him to just entertain the idea of a proper diagnosis, whatever the outcome, since I think the extra access to resources might benefit both of us. I can't see how a diagnosis would be harmful, but if any of you guys have a different perspective I'd be interested to learn more.

 

[icesyckel]

Did any of you guys worry about having ASD down on your medical records in case it negatively impacted on your future prospects? I ask because my partner refuses to seek a diagnosis on the basis that he doesn't want it on his medical records...

Not really - where I am the law regards such records as privileged, and they aren't generally charted outside the Psych's office. I have never told my PCP about it. Only in the rarest circumstances are psych records subject even to subpoenas.