Germ OCD-like symptoms. Persistent

[agenderbeing]

TW: compulsions, germs

I wash my hands excessively and when I hear someone coughing I HAVE to put on a mask. I keep hand sanitizer with me in case too. I don’t feel comfortable doing chores without gloves (taking out trash or doing dishes). Much of that due to sensory issues and trash I have bad memories digging through due to misplaced retainers. It makes me shudder to think about. It impedes on my ability to open a door normally and every time I shake someone’s hand I don’t feel happy— I constantly think about the way I feel like somethings on me and I have to get it off, like my hands now “contaminated.”

This doesn’t usually impede on my life extremely but I hate how society reacts to it. People assume I’m rude or stingy. They see me as weird or treat me weirdly if I express it. I think I feel embarrassed bringing it up because I don’t want them to treat me like their taboo and am not used to having my boundaries respected. It’s something I’m learning to change. People won’t know unless I tell them.. sometimes it’s less energy not to. I can’t control people and it’s increasingly frustrating to deal with sometimes.

My sensory issues make it hard to focus when I wear a mask for too long since it’s not like years ago when I just ignored it. My acne’s really bad, so I worry. It can be painful if worsened.

Anyways, I just wanted to share my experience and maybe vent a little about it. Any advice?

 

[thejuice]

I told my doctor about it and my OCD and health anxiety has improved immensely. It's a mental illness that needs treatment just like a physical illness.

 

[Judge]

It's precisely why I try my hardest to mask or outright hide them all the time in the presence of others. Most times I am successful, but those times they seem me for who I am is at the very least awkward. Yet at the same time I also understand that in the case of perceived germs that it can be outwardly difficult if not impossible to hide. And yes, at times some people will openly mock you.

Totally understandable if you cannot mask or hide your OCD tendencies, but have you ever tried?

It may sound overly simplistic, but it's a real consideration of my own brand of OCD. That in most but not all conditions, people seem to simply overlook it. Giving me a certain degree of confidence if and when I can go a step further and try to hide my compulsions. Though I also have a clear understanding that not everything can be hidden so effectively as well.

If I invite someone home (which never happens these days) they are going to witness me checking my door lock at least four times in as many hours or less. Other things they just don't seem to be aware of, which saves me a lot of potential embarrassment. Still for others, they will notice the contents of my refrigerator and cupboard...and see how everything is aligned with their respective label. Further to notice that every piece of furniture is aligned either perpendicular, parallel or at a 45 degree to everything else. Or to notice so many objects in my bookcases, so neatly arranged. Then to realize everything in my home is deliberately placed in some kind of orderly fashion. When the jokes begin about me becoming their maid. On the other hand I don't think I wash my hands often enough to raise suspicion.

My worst and recurring OCD issues remain whenever I park my car and cannot see it on the way back. When I panic momentarily over a car stolen and never recovered many years ago. One of the triggers/traumas of my OCD according to my physician. In fact anything connected to the security of my car is a real issue. Making sure my alarm was initiated, and always having second, third or fourth thoughts that it was. Not something I want to convey to any of my passengers, but on rare occasion I get some ugly comments even by my own kin.

Sadly this was addressed in an attempt at cognitive behavioral therapy. Which just didn't work for me. Not to say it doesn't for others, but I've had to live with it. Where once it happens the best I can do is to first acknowledge nothing is wrong, and that my response is to what never happened. Then I calm down, usually quickly. Sorry I cannot offer something more tailored to your brand of OCD. I guess it's all relative though. I only know that my only real solution is to keep people from witnessing it, or being able to divert their attention somehow. Not much, but it's all I really have.

 

[agenderbeing]

It's precisely why I try my hardest to mask or outright hide them all the time in the presence of others. Most times I am successful, but those times they seem me for who I am is at the very least awkward. Yet at the same time I also understand that in the case of perceived germs that it can be outwardly difficult if not impossible to hide. And yes, at times some people will openly mock you.

Totally understandable if you cannot mask or hide your OCD tendencies, but have you ever tried?

It may sound overly simplistic, but it's a real consideration of my own brand of OCD. That in most but not all conditions, people seem to simply overlook it. Giving me a certain degree of confidence if and when I can go a step further and try to hide my compulsions. Though I also have a clear understanding that not everything can be hidden so effectively as well.

If I invite someone home (which never happens these days) they are going to witness me checking my door lock at least four times in as many hours or less. Other things they just don't seem to be aware of, which saves me a lot of potential embarrassment. Still for others, they will notice the contents of my refrigerator and cupboard...and see how everything is aligned with their respective label. Further to notice that every piece of furniture is aligned either perpendicular, parallel or at a 45 degree to everything else. Or to notice so many objects in my bookcases, so neatly arranged. Then to realize everything in my home is deliberately placed in some kind of orderly fashion. When the jokes begin about me becoming their maid. On the other hand I don't think I wash my hands often enough to raise suspicion.

My worst and recurring OCD issues remain whenever I park my car and cannot see it on the way back. When I panic momentarily over a car stolen and never recovered many years ago. One of the triggers/traumas of my OCD according to my physician. In fact anything connected to the security of my car is a real issue. Making sure my alarm was initiated, and always having second, third or fourth thoughts that it was. Not something I want to convey to any of my passengers, but on rare occasion I get some ugly comments even by my own kin.

Sadly this was addressed in an attempt at cognitive behavioral therapy. Which just didn't work for me. Not to say it doesn't for others, but I've had to live with it. Where once it happens the best I can do is to first acknowledge nothing is wrong, and that my response is to what never happened. Then I calm down, usually quickly. Sorry I cannot offer something more tailored to your brand of OCD. I guess it's all relative though. I only know that my only real solution is to keep people from witnessing it, or being able to divert their attention somehow. Not much, but it's all I really have.

That’s completely valid and I appreciate your response/ sharing your experience. I definitely have tried masking but along with my social masking it can take a toll. My anxiety is high. I’ve found it to be almost like suppressing a huge need to stim but in a negative way. Like, if I don’t do it I keep spiraling. However, I’ve found compromises like waiting until later to wash my hands— like have a “dirty” state and “clean.” This I learned from a friend and has been helpful in distracting me from it.

Despite it’s toll on me, the routine of hygiene once I get home helps, yet isn’t healthy in negative motivation. I think it’s changed to a time I relax if I take a bath, though, which is nice. I sit on the couch on my day clothes and bed after cleaning up. I think we all have our ways of coping.

In order to mask, I often use humor as a device to make it like I’m making fun of myself/light of the situation so people find it goofy instead of plain weird. Ironically, covid has helped in denying handshakes at least.

On the opposite end, some people take masks being put on/breathing through your shirt as personal (plain stupid especially if they didn’t cover their cough). I try not to be hyperaware but it’s as if every cough is by my body. Sometimes, I unintentionally hold my breath. Going outside helps me.

I’m glad you’ve found your own ways to navigate life. And have a great day .

 

[Judge]

In order to mask, I often use humor as a device to make it like I’m making fun of myself/light of the situation so people find it goofy instead of plain weird. Ironically, covid has helped in denying handshakes at least.

On the opposite end, some people take masks being put on/breathing through shirt as personal (plain stupid especially if they didn’t cover their cough). I try not to be hyperaware but it’s as if every cough is by my body. Sometimes, I unintentionally hold my breath. Going outside helps me.

I’m glad you’ve found your own ways to navigate life. And have a great day .

Points taken. I still try to avoid strangers altogether, particularly at stores. And when they cough or sneeze, I make an abrupt exit away from them. In consideration of things like Covid 19, I don't care how I appear.

Holding your breath? I sometimes must do that while scaling a long flight of stairs with groceries in both hands while a neighbor is smoking. Sometimes I'm afraid of having heart failure...but I'm still alive at 68!

Masking my OCD? Agreed, much less complicated than masking myself socially. And it takes little energy in comparison.

 

[Masked Man]

I told my doctor about it and my OCD and health anxiety has improved immensely. It's a mental illness that needs treatment just like a physical illness.

Going to second this. The constant hand washing will eventually damage your skin barrier on your hands, leading to cracks in the skin, which will make you more prone to infection.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. OCD is no joke. It's a mental illness.

 

[Judge]

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. OCD is no joke. It's a mental illness.

In retrospect it has always seemed much more problematic than autism.

Most if not all of my autistic issues would end the second I close the front door to an empty apartment. When I'm not directly interacting with anyone. As for my OCD issues, they follow me wherever I go. And in my case cognitive behavioral therapy just never took.

 

[thejuice]

Going to second this. The constant hand washing will eventually damage your skin barrier on your hands, leading to cracks in the skin, which will make you more prone to infection.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. OCD is no joke. It's a mental illness.

It was a relief to stop disguising it and being honest and open about my issues. I 'came clean' (no pun intended!)

 

[Masked Man]

It was a relief to stop disguising it and being honest and open about my issues. I 'came clean' (no pun intended!)

I agree. Mental health care (in the US at least) doesn't get the respect it deserves. As an example, if a person has difficulty with their vision, you wear glasses to correct it. Needing vision correction is not a weakness or some sort of moral failing - it's a physical condition. So it's silly to me to suggest that people with a mental heath condition should "just get over it." It's hardly that simple.