Redruby
New Member
I wanted to follow up with my on going thing with my Aspie.
I thank you all first for your responses to my original post, I wrote in when I was feeling the most sadest, and the following two weeks I basically went thru withdrawal from the love addiction I have for the guy. It was painful, but I questioned my personal issues (why I go for unavailable men) and each day picked up the pieces of my broken heart to bandage it so it can slowly get healed. I didn't reach out to him and promised myself a better future for myself in 2016.
Long story short from my last post- been seeing an Aspie for 6 months where he told me he doesn't want a gf, wants to see other girls, doesn't see me as a gf type so he'll never be my BF. I took me months to get that last part out of him because I kept hanging out with him hoping he will like me eventually.
With all the promises of I'll never contact him from my side and I need to let go, he reached out to me asking if I was home because he's walking by my house couple days ago. I ignored his call & text that day and the next day he texted me saying that he's sorry for bothering me.
He's never been mean to me, just his bluntness has been hurtful for me because it's not what I want to hear. I thought ignoring him would be rude so I texted back the day after saying I'm not strong enough and that my heart hurts too much to continue seeing him. We ended up talking on the phone (even though he quickly changes the subject when it becomes something emotional) where he told me he hasn't hung out with the girl who would of became his girlfriend for a while. That he would like to hang out with me, indirectly hinting that my heart shouldn't hurt that much because of that fact.
Now before I would of taken that as a "oh he likes me and wants to be with me", but from our previous talks about how he doesn't see me as someone he wants as a girlfriend, I know he is reaching out to me for sex.
What I don't understand is that he knows I have feelings for him, he knows I get upset over the fact that he never will want to be my boyfriend. I now told him I'm not strong enough for this type of thing. If he has the other girl who he can have sex with, who he even saw a potential in her to be his girlfriend, who is less emotional about their relationship (he said I'm too emotional), why is he reaching out to me? I tried talking about how it hurts me because I have feelings for him and he said "well that's not good, it's bad, I'm not heartless" in our previous talks so why is he reaching out to me again? My hopeless romantic mind makes me think "I think he likes me, and sees more in me now if he's pushing aside a girl that could of potentially been his girlfriend and chooses to reach out to me, because I might actually mean something to him ".
Anyways, I have feelings for him. If he doesn't reciprocate, I cant keep hanging out with him like last year pretending that everything is okay. For my sanity and self worth.
Tomorrow night he wants to hang out and is already talking about how it's going to be at his apartment because he wants to have sex I'm sure, but I personally would feel more comfortable meeting him at a bar or a diner so I can talk about where my head and heart is at, but he hates when I talk about my emotions (it makes him uncomfortable) so I don't know what to do. I'm actually uncomfortable not being able to lay down my boundaries for this relationship if you can even call it that.
Any advices will be appreciated. Any aspies point of view will be grateful - I just want an idea to why he keeps coming back to me when I tell him I have feelings for him and he tells me he thinks that's a bad idea, that I am just wasting my time. I know people might chime in saying its because I am enabling him by hooking up with him, that's why he keeps coming back, but really is it just because of that
? Do you also think I'm repeating myself too much with the emotional conversation (that basically gets swept over quick or get a really blunt harsh reply of his pov) and be happy he wants to hang out with me? It's just hard to be happy and positive and "go with the flow" with someone that told me he never wants to be my boyfriend.
I thank you all first for your responses to my original post, I wrote in when I was feeling the most sadest, and the following two weeks I basically went thru withdrawal from the love addiction I have for the guy. It was painful, but I questioned my personal issues (why I go for unavailable men) and each day picked up the pieces of my broken heart to bandage it so it can slowly get healed. I didn't reach out to him and promised myself a better future for myself in 2016.
Long story short from my last post- been seeing an Aspie for 6 months where he told me he doesn't want a gf, wants to see other girls, doesn't see me as a gf type so he'll never be my BF. I took me months to get that last part out of him because I kept hanging out with him hoping he will like me eventually.
With all the promises of I'll never contact him from my side and I need to let go, he reached out to me asking if I was home because he's walking by my house couple days ago. I ignored his call & text that day and the next day he texted me saying that he's sorry for bothering me.
He's never been mean to me, just his bluntness has been hurtful for me because it's not what I want to hear. I thought ignoring him would be rude so I texted back the day after saying I'm not strong enough and that my heart hurts too much to continue seeing him. We ended up talking on the phone (even though he quickly changes the subject when it becomes something emotional) where he told me he hasn't hung out with the girl who would of became his girlfriend for a while. That he would like to hang out with me, indirectly hinting that my heart shouldn't hurt that much because of that fact.
Now before I would of taken that as a "oh he likes me and wants to be with me", but from our previous talks about how he doesn't see me as someone he wants as a girlfriend, I know he is reaching out to me for sex.
What I don't understand is that he knows I have feelings for him, he knows I get upset over the fact that he never will want to be my boyfriend. I now told him I'm not strong enough for this type of thing. If he has the other girl who he can have sex with, who he even saw a potential in her to be his girlfriend, who is less emotional about their relationship (he said I'm too emotional), why is he reaching out to me? I tried talking about how it hurts me because I have feelings for him and he said "well that's not good, it's bad, I'm not heartless" in our previous talks so why is he reaching out to me again? My hopeless romantic mind makes me think "I think he likes me, and sees more in me now if he's pushing aside a girl that could of potentially been his girlfriend and chooses to reach out to me, because I might actually mean something to him ".
Anyways, I have feelings for him. If he doesn't reciprocate, I cant keep hanging out with him like last year pretending that everything is okay. For my sanity and self worth.
Tomorrow night he wants to hang out and is already talking about how it's going to be at his apartment because he wants to have sex I'm sure, but I personally would feel more comfortable meeting him at a bar or a diner so I can talk about where my head and heart is at, but he hates when I talk about my emotions (it makes him uncomfortable) so I don't know what to do. I'm actually uncomfortable not being able to lay down my boundaries for this relationship if you can even call it that.
Any advices will be appreciated. Any aspies point of view will be grateful - I just want an idea to why he keeps coming back to me when I tell him I have feelings for him and he tells me he thinks that's a bad idea, that I am just wasting my time. I know people might chime in saying its because I am enabling him by hooking up with him, that's why he keeps coming back, but really is it just because of that
? Do you also think I'm repeating myself too much with the emotional conversation (that basically gets swept over quick or get a really blunt harsh reply of his pov) and be happy he wants to hang out with me? It's just hard to be happy and positive and "go with the flow" with someone that told me he never wants to be my boyfriend.
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