Does anyone get accused of trying to sound intellectual because you use big words?

[AmyB8484]

I'm Aspergers, and because I speak a certain way or phrase things a certain way, I've been accused of being pretentious, or trying to be condescending, or think I'm smarter than other people. The fact is, I just don't know how to speak plainly. I grew up with my nose always in books, and since I had little social interaction, I think I speak the way things are written in books. I don't want to sound that way. I would love it if I knew how to speak "normal" like other people.

I had a doctor who was writing my antidepressants and ADHD medication,and after I had told him I just wanted to be normal, he asked me to describe what "normal" is. I assumed he was probably going to use the old cliche "Normal is just a setting on your washer," which people always say with good intentions, but not understanding that what they are talking about is within a certain range, and there is a point beyond that range that you may be in, to where that doesn't help you. So I tried to find a way to word it that would make sense, wanting to avoid that response.

So I said something to the effect of, "Well, I just want the chemicals in my brain to fall within the range of what's normal for the majority of the population. I know that there are variations between individuals, but I want to at least be within a range that is functional and socially acceptable." He then told me to stop trying to impress him with how intellectual I was. I hadn't even been thinking about sounding a certain way, that was just the only way I know how to talk, would never even attempt to impress someone who was able to pass the MCAT and actually graduate med school, when I probably wouldn't even make it in pre-med.

This happens often. The only possible way I could avoid it would be to take every thought I want to express and re-word it after the fact, before speaking. People think that you are going an extra step to sound smart, but it would actually take an extra step to sound normal. And I don't even necessarily think I'm that smart, I just talk like a nerd.

Can anyone else relate to this?

 

[Aspieistj]

I'm Aspergers, and because I speak a certain way or phrase things a certain way, I've been accused of being pretentious, or trying to be condescending, or think I'm smarter than other people. The fact is, I just don't know how to speak plainly. I grew up with my nose always in books, and since I had little social interaction, I think I speak the way things are written in books. I don't want to sound that way. I would love it if I knew how to speak "normal" like other people.

I had a doctor who was writing my antidepressants and ADHD medication,and after I had told him I just wanted to be normal, he asked me to describe what "normal" is. I assumed he was probably going to use the old cliche "Normal is just a setting on your washer," which people always say with good intentions, but not understanding that what they are talking about is within a certain range, and there is a point beyond that range that you may be in, to where that doesn't help you. So I tried to find a way to word it that would make sense, wanting to avoid that response.

So I said something to the effect of, "Well, I just want the chemicals in my brain to fall within the range of what's normal for the majority of the population. I know that there are variations between individuals, but I want to at least be within a range that is functional and socially acceptable." He then told me to stop trying to impress him with how intellectual I was. I hadn't even been thinking about sounding a certain way, that was just the only way I know how to talk, would never even attempt to impress someone who was able to pass the MCAT and actually graduate med school, when I probably wouldn't even make it in pre-med.

This happens often. The only possible way I could avoid it would be to take every thought I want to express and re-word it after the fact, before speaking. People think that you are going an extra step to sound smart, but it would actually take an extra step to sound normal. And I don't even necessarily think I'm that smart, I just talk like a nerd.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Can you speak simply to little children? If so, then you CAN dumb down your choice your words. I love language, I am proud that I have always been an excellent student, I continue to enjoy learning, and I have a decent IQ. I am guilty of wanting to be perceived as intelligent and well spoken. I am terribly annoyed whenever I hear grammar mistakes and mispronunciations. I am a terrible speller and always use a spell checker. If I write I usually allow myself to use most of my accumulated vocabulary. However, I also try to hold back on words I feel the general public won't understand. I won't compromise my good grammar but I do curtail the use of some words which I don't think most people will understand. I don't want to annoy people and cause them to feel I am making fun of them. So, I avoid being pedantic .

 

[AmyB8484]

That's good advice, to purposely make sure to adapt the way you talk to the people you are talking to. In some cases, depending on what I'm talking about that can be difficult. Like, I can talk to kids, but I probably wouldn't be trying to explain to a kid the details of my condition. We'd probably talk about video games or Disney movies or something. But I agree, it's a good idea to make it a point to watch the way you talk.

 

[Loomis]

...he asked me to describe what "normal" is. I assumed he was probably going to use the old cliche "Normal is just a setting on your washer," ... So I tried to find a way to word it that would make sense, wanting to avoid that response.

So I said something to the effect of, "Well, I just want the chemicals in my brain to fall within the range of what's normal for the majority of the population. I know that there are variations between individuals, but I want to at least be within a range that is functional and socially acceptable." He then told me to stop trying to impress him with how intellectual I was...

The doctor who said that to you is a jerk. Your answer to "what is normal?" was entirely appropriate. I would consider a question like he posed a challenge and I think you met it well. I suspect he did not have an answer to your response.

 

[AmyB8484]

Thanks for understanding! Have you ever experienced that yourself?

 

[Loomis]

I do not recall having been accused of trying to sound intellectual in a long time but it may be because of my age. I am 65 and very well-educated so people sort of expect me to use more sophisticated speech. I have been told that I sound intelligent and it is part of who I am.

The important thing is that I do not try to impress people with my knowledge and expertise; people find that very off-putting, arrogant, self-important and a sign of insecurity. Moreover it is usually transparent. If you are genuinely just trying to express yourself clearly then I would keep doing what you are doing. If you were using important sounding words to make people believe you are smart I would say you should stop the acting; I do not get the feeling you are doing that from what you describe. I get the impression you are young and that may be part of why you are getting these reactions.

You are also correct that you should use simpler terms with children and others who would not be expected to understand more sophisticated explanations but I never dumb down my speech to be accepted.

 

[AmyB8484]

I do not recall having been accused of trying to sound intellectual in a long time but it may be because of my age. I am 65 and very well-educated so people sort of expect me to use more sophisticated speech. I have been told that I sound intelligent and it is part of who I am.

The important thing is that I do not try to impress people with my knowledge and expertise; people find that very off-putting, arrogant, self-important and a sign of insecurity. Moreover it is usually transparent. If you are genuinely just trying to express yourself clearly then I would keep doing what you are doing. If you were using important sounding words to make people believe you are smart I would say you should stop the acting; I do not get the feeling you are doing that from what you describe. I get the impression you are young and that may be part of why you are getting these reactions.

You are also correct that you should use simpler terms with children and others who would not be expected to understand more sophisticated explanations but I never dumb down my speech to be accepted.

So do you mean it could be my age because they may not expect someone younger to talk that way?

 

[Loomis]

So do you mean it could be my age because they may not expect someone younger to talk that way?

Yes. I do not believe for one second a doctor would respond to an older person the way he did to you when you defined normal. In fact I sometimes think doctors are intimidated by my knowledge of biochemistry and physiology, especially young doctors.

 

[AgentPalpatine]

Can anyone else relate to this?

Yes. You are by no means the first to bring up this issue. Verbal communication between individuals with different education and social backgrounds can have issues.

As you noted, you learned how to communicate from books, and while you don't specify, possible TV programs that are "aimed" at a slightly older audience. You didn't pick up your verbal communication style from a peer group. There's probably more to it than that, but that's probably the starting point.

 

[AmyB8484]

Yes. I do not believe for one second a doctor would respond to an older person the way he did to you when you defined normal. In fact I sometimes think doctors are intimidated by my knowledge of biochemistry and physiology, especially young doctors.

Thanks, that makes total sense! So do you have Aspergers, or a different form of high-functioning autism? Does your extensive knowledge of biochemistry, physiology, etc, help you to understand your condition better?

 

[Ereth]

Hello, Amy. I can definitely relate to your post. I think my large knowledge base and vocabulary have intimidated quite a few people, too. But I'm fortunate enough to see a psychologist who encourages how well-spoken I am rather than cutting me down for it.

 

[IContainMultitudes]

This reminds me a bit of he movie Idiocracy where Luke Wilson's character is cryogenically frozen and wakes up a thousand years in the future as the world's smartest man and everyone thinks that he "talks like a fag," I've encountered a little bit of that from time to time.

 

[Loomis]

Thanks, that makes total sense! So do you have Aspergers, or a different form of high-functioning autism? Does your extensive knowledge of biochemistry, physiology, etc, help you to understand your condition better?

I was diagnosed with Asperger's two years ago. Actually the psychologist who diagnosed me called it autism because she knew the DSM 5 was coming out and Asperger's was going to be eliminated. Because I had training in science I spent the next four weeks scouring all of the scientific literature to learn everything I could about Autism. (This is typical of behavior for someone on the spectrum who acquires a new special interest.) I continue to follow the research but not so compulsively. I believe my training in biology helps me to understand autism better than most aspies but mostly it is esoteric knowledge without practical use because autism is still very poorly understood. For example, I remember one article that described thirteen different biochemical pathways that can be attributed to autism. That is interesting but science does not know how these pathways interplay in an individual to create autistic behavior and not every individual on the spectrum has the same affected pathways. The basic situation in autistic science is that the research implicates many specific physiological particulars and psychologists are very good at identifying gross autistic behaviors but the connections between the neurophysiological details and behavior remains a mystery for most aspies. There are exceptions, for example fragile X syndrome and, as chocaholic mentioned on another post, the MTHFR gene, where autistic behaviors can be directly related to a genetic cause.

 

[Loomis]

This reminds me a bit of the movie Idiocracy where Luke Wilson's character is cryogenically frozen and wakes up a thousand years in the future as the world's smartest man and everyone thinks that he "talks like a fag," I've encountered a little bit of that from time to time.

How about the movie "Being There" where Peter Sellers plays a gardener employed by a wealthy landowner? Sellers' character is so completely isolated socially that everything he knows he has learned from watching television. He becomes famous and people hang on his every word believing him to possess great wisdom. It is one of the funniest movies I have seen.

 

[Peace]

I'm Aspergers, and because I speak a certain way or phrase things a certain way, I've been accused of being pretentious, or trying to be condescending, or think I'm smarter than other people. The fact is, I just don't know how to speak plainly. I grew up with my nose always in books, and since I had little social interaction, I think I speak the way things are written in books. I don't want to sound that way. I would love it if I knew how to speak "normal" like other people.

I had a doctor who was writing my antidepressants and ADHD medication,and after I had told him I just wanted to be normal, he asked me to describe what "normal" is. I assumed he was probably going to use the old cliche "Normal is just a setting on your washer," which people always say with good intentions, but not understanding that what they are talking about is within a certain range, and there is a point beyond that range that you may be in, to where that doesn't help you. So I tried to find a way to word it that would make sense, wanting to avoid that response.

So I said something to the effect of, "Well, I just want the chemicals in my brain to fall within the range of what's normal for the majority of the population. I know that there are variations between individuals, but I want to at least be within a range that is functional and socially acceptable." He then told me to stop trying to impress him with how intellectual I was. I hadn't even been thinking about sounding a certain way, that was just the only way I know how to talk, would never even attempt to impress someone who was able to pass the MCAT and actually graduate med school, when I probably wouldn't even make it in pre-med.

This happens often. The only possible way I could avoid it would be to take every thought I want to express and re-word it after the fact, before speaking. People think that you are going an extra step to sound smart, but it would actually take an extra step to sound normal. And I don't even necessarily think I'm that smart, I just talk like a nerd.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Yes,
I get accused of the same things at times. A favorite of mine was my old boss who always said, "There You Go Again Using The Big Word Dictionary".

 

[Stacey]

Being pedantic is part of being an aspie

 

[Sass]

My nickname when I was younger was 'The Walking Dictionary'. If anyone tells me they don't know what I'm talking about/my words are confusing I try to move on to someone who does without seeming rude

 

[SUM1]

Actually it's rather the opposite, normally I'm said to be very intelligent or understand a lot when I use big words, and sometimes I use them to be funny and people actually find it funny. I've never ever been told I'm trying to sound intellectual.

 

[shinyedge]

I do not recall having been accused of trying to sound intellectual in a long time but it may be because of my age. I am 65 and very well-educated so people sort of expect me to use more sophisticated speech. I have been told that I sound intelligent and it is part of who I am.

That's my experience too. I have never tried to impress people with my vocabulary, but I do try to say things as clearly as I can, and a lot of times that means I have come across as being a show-off. People used to make fun of me by replying using big intellectual-sounding words. It has been a long time, though. Now that I am older (59), people respect me for my intelligence and knowledge.

It might help, too, that I am a writer and have a lot of experience choosing the simplest words I can while still making myself clear. Still, I tend to score high on readability tests of what I wrote. (High scores are bad because they mean only highly educated people can understand it. But then I am usually writing for a well-educated audience.)

 

[bentHnau]

Can anyone else relate to this?

Yes. Reading had a greater effect on my style of communication than the speech I heard around me. I preferred nineteenth century novels and had to consciously edit obsolete phraseology, such as using "save for" to mean "except." I didn't have a problem with this outside of the home, because my family members made it so clear that they found my way of talking pretentious, I quickly learned to self-censor. It was however distinctly unpleasant to be scolded by my own sister for not speaking the way the rest of the family spoke, particularly when I had put effort into explaining myself precisely to her. When I did speak the vernacular (while quoting a movie), my dad's girlfriend laughed at me and told my dad that it sounded "strange."

I grew up in a distinct American subculture, and was told that I spoke "like a white person." This was quite a negative way to be branded, because it implied a sort of sociocultural betrayal and self-hatred. When I was small, my uncle came over and asked my dad why his kids spoke "so proper." My dad said that I spoke "more proper" than my sister. I was only about six years old, I was so confused and embarrassed, I barely knew what to say. I didn't understand what was going on because I was speaking naturally, yet the way in which I spoke was somehow a big deal to them. I mumbled assent because I was afraid my dad would get angry if I said "no."