Do your parents call places for you?

[. . .]

Throughout my life, my mother has always felt the need to make telephone calls for me... usually behind my back without my consent. This angers me like you wouldn't believe. It's as if she feels I'm incapable of making telephone calls myself, yet I'm nearly 24 years old. :S

Do any of your parents call places (book medical appointments, call the government, etc.) for you?

I honestly hate this. It's no wonder a lot of us on the spectrum never learn social skills. Our families think we're incapable and because of it we never acquire social skills that we could attain. We get babied until the point where we can't do anything ourselves.

 

[hjasshj]

I'm not too sure about it, my parents are usually fair against me, my dad f.ex always takes me seriously, and despite this, my social skills are horrible, although I enjoy being in social situations at times.

It's like they say, AS and autism=Social Retardation, you can LEARN to be social by NT standards, but it will NEVER be a part of their nature.

 

[TotodilePika]

My grandma books appointments for me, but other then that, I call other place myself.

 

[Droopy]

I get my parents to make all phone calls for me regarding appointments and stuff, unless I'm speaking to someone like a friend or family member.

I can't be bothered and don't like talking to strangers on the phone. I will eventually though when I'm older.

 

[KinksFan]

I've been making all of my own calls, since I've moved out, four years ago. Before that, my mum used to make all my appointments for me.

 

[juffur]

I find this happening a lot. I hate it and it makes me feel very embarrassed. I can make calls if I need to, but my family does it without even asking me, as if they THINK I am incapable of doing it. Really makes me feel like I'm immature. When other family members call to speak with me, they usually contact my sister or dad, then I get the message relayed to me.... really pisses me off. I'm 23 years old and a very successful college student, yet my family treats me like I am a child.

 

[jaws]

I was forced to make my own phone calls and meet with my teachers by myself starting at age 8, to teach me to care for myself...I hated it then, and still feel anxious when doing it but I can...even have had jobs "cold calling" sales appointments. I really feel for you, I've often seen parents doing too much for their autistic kids, and seems to me to be treating them like invalids.

 

[GhettoButterFly]

I make my own calls and appointments now. There was a time when I didn't but family told me, "If you want to be an independent adult, you have to make these calls yourself. We can't keep making them for you forever."

They still inquire about information for me, but that is about it.

There is this one woman from an agency that I dislike and treats me like I am sub-human. She thinks I can't make decisions for myself or something.

So I kind of know where you are getting at/coming from, ???. Can't you talk to your parents and tell them, "I need to learn to do these things on my own, or I might not be able to live on my own."?

I tried. :S

 

[TotodilePika]

I was forced to make my own phone calls and meet with my teachers by myself starting at age 8, to teach me to care for myself...I hated it then, and still feel anxious when doing it but I can...even have had jobs "cold calling" sales appointments. I really feel for you, I've often seen parents doing too much for their autistic kids, and seems to me to be treating them like invalids.

Ohmy 8 years old. That's insane! :shocked:

 

[superboyian]

I normally make the phone calls myself really but I normally hate really formal ones and I find it uncomfortable when the phone rings unexpectedly to the point I only leave it to ring once or twice.

I personally feel more comfortable texting, don't have to worry about what to say or if I don't hear correctly, I already had a history of being called stupid for not being able to understand a word a person is saying which then lead to the point where I hated picking up the phone and dialing numbers.

 

[Droopy]

This is still a problem for me. I hate talking to strangers on the phone and my dad still makes the calls for me. The only time I speak is to confirm that my dad has permission to speak on my behalf (banks always require this for security reasons). Just recently we were sorting out an education course at the Open University so that I could learn from home. My dad did all the talking and the only time I spoke was to confirm the credit card details and that I understood their terms and conditions.

 

[PanPaniscus]

Usually they do, I hate phoning people and I'm rubbish at it.

 

[klaatu]

wow, guess this shows how out of touch i am with reality. i only have a land line phone but rarely use it. my speech problems and just generally having problems with phones make it difficult.

before you ***** too much about parental help, you might want to think about those who were never helped by parents or other relatives. my mother was severely mentally ill and couldn't take care of herself, much less me. my father seemed to hate me and did everything he could to hurt me. i ended up with a grandmother who was schizophrenic and hurt me in various ways, destroyed me.

how i wished i had someone who would've helped me. someone who cared about me. jesus f...... christ, i certainly would not be griping because they tried to help me too much.

i am probably so out of touch with everyone else on a.c., i should not even post. i think i probably just upset all the normal abnormals who inhabit this site. least i haven't lost my sense of humor.

 

[Calcifer]

I'm not really comfortable talking to people on the phone?I don't know what it is. I just feel awkward about it, unless its someone who's really talkative or something, because then all I have to do it listen.
My mom usually calls places for me, though. She gets very aggravated when I ask her if she could book appointments and such for me. She goes on a rant (this is nothing new, anything sets her off for a rant) and asks me why I can't make my own phone calls. When I tell her I don't like talking to strangers, she just does this big, huffy "Oh my GOD."

 

[Spinning Compass]

I can't remember when I started making my own appointments but I think it was right after I got out of high school--definitely by the time I got a car and moved out. I've always been very independent.

Now my sister on the other hand, she is in her 40's and still relying on Mom and Dad to do all that even though they live in another town. It really makes me angry to see how infantile she becomes when around them. They baby her and she allows them to do that. I don't know why because they didn't do that for me. Anyway I got really ticked off at my mom and said it was high time she started making her own doctor appointments. Mom said, "She knows that." I said look, if either one of you cannot see what is wrong with a 40 year old woman who has a doctorate for crying out loud having her mom still make doctor appointments for her, then I cannot help you. Because if there is one thing I have learned in this life it is just like the Bible says, to whom more has been given, more shall be demanded. She cannot play the game of helpless handicapped (she has a physical disability and I am wondering if she might also have Aspergers) and hold a highly educated professional position at the same time. It just does not work that way. She has to make a choice. I told my mother, "you are helping her commit professional and social suicide!"

Pardon my rant. But it is true. I grew up in a time when there was NO accommodation whatsoever, and I had to learn many things the hard and brutal way. If you are higher functioning, more is expected of you, and if you don't live up to society's expectations, people will turn on you so quick.

 

[CJinherPJs]

I've been making more of an effort to call places myself lately but I don't really like doing it. I guess I'm afraid of saying something "wrong". My parents used to make phone calls on my behalf and they still offer to do this sometimes but I don't want them feeling they have to speak for me all my life.

 

[butterfly2]

I always used to be scared of talking on the phone and wudnt know what to say but now make calls if i have to and if i cant think how to reply then my dad has to come and help and im 43. Like the other person who posted i was never taught and never showed any interest in how to cope wiv every aspect of life,even now i dont know. My mum had mental health problems but not diagnosed so she didnt know how to bring up a child and i never had anyone show interest in me to teach me things and doesnt help to if like me you got concentration problems!

 

[King_Oni]

I do my own phonecalls most of the time. Actually "all" of the time... but I do rather try to set up appointments through email. I don't give out my phonenumber so for what it's worth most companies I get in touch with think I don't have a phone. But if I really, really, have to phone... I will.

The exception where my mom phones, is when I have some kind of doctors appointment, mostly because I think it's BS to wake up (and feel crap for an entire day) just because I need to phone in between 8 and 10 in the morning. If I don't have anything else going on at that time, I'm really annoyed if I just have to get out of bed earlier... yes call that lazy, but I don't know... there's a dozen of alternative ways to set up appointments. Give me an email already.

And... last year when I had to make up an appointment at my therapist, that was when my mom phoned for me. But in a way that was because I was too much of a mess and wasn't really up for talking to anyone... obviously I needed to make an appointment but I had trouble in even talking to my mom in general... it kinda went like "here's a doctors note, can you call for me?".

 

[HelloDizzy]

I avoid phonecalls like the plague.
Only person I talk to on the phone is my dad for 5 minutes a day.

I hate setting appointments or calling my college to ask questions - often times I get too scared to even do it or I hang up on the person.

 

[epath13]

I hated calling people, my mom made lots of phone calls for me as well when I got married my DH (that's my new name for him )anyway... he said he wanted me to make most of the phone calls... he was coming up with all kinds of excuses, I was :realmad: but later realized he was doing me a favor, after a few years of practice I had absolutely no problems with it. Now if...let's say I need to find out wtf is going on with insurance or some other stuff, I would rather call than, let's say go online. I actually kinda enjoyed telling people that they're the causes of my enormous headaches