Do your parents call places for you?

[kasmanaft08]

I honestly hate this. It's no wonder a lot of us on the spectrum never learn social skills. Our families think we're incapable and because of it we never acquire social skills that we could attain. We get babied until the point where we can't do anything ourselves.

I have to agree, this used to drive me insane. At the moment, for my passport, I did need their help so I'm not worried about it so much lately...but when I lived in the same state as my parents, it was a common thing. She's backed off for the most part but there's still a few things though that come up randomly.

My mom would for a long time open any mail I got. Bank statements, anything, so long as I wasn't there. This used to drive me insane. She's done this a few times recently, and commented that I have an overdraft on an old deposit account for about $30. Since I'm obviously moving overseas and been living here for six months, I said it wouldn't matter (no one else's name is linked to the account), but she still dug through my bank account numbers and deposited the money. Obviously that's difficult to complain about. Even though it was one, completely unnecessary, it was the invasion of privacy was enough to set me off into a fit. I ended up just looking ungrateful and paranoid.

The recent one though is her setting up an airline miles account with KLM, for my recent flight to the UK, without bothering to ask me if I already had one (I've had one for years). Since they won't let you transfer miles unless you reach a certain amount, which a 30 minute plane ride did not qualify for. Now I can't use it or move them, and have two accounts for no real reason.

Also the mini-arguments about flights. She often arranges the flights for me, but will argue with me about the details of how long I should stay or when I should go, when on her end it wouldn't matter in any sense (cost or convenience)- but on my end it does make a difference, since I'm the one actually traveling it.

It's always little things like that. She means well, which makes it somehow more frustrating because I feel like ass complaining about things like that...but it just annoys me to no end still. There's always a reoccurring mini-fight of "just let me do it, I can handle it, I want to figure it out". I'll ask for help if I need it, and will appreciate it, but I hate forced help when I don't ask for it, if it makes any sense. It does actually make me feel babied and disorganized.

 

[King_Oni]

Luckily my parents don't care for my mail and just put it on the table for when I get home, downstairs or whatever. So I don't think they think I'm incapable of getting things done. They never write down any appointments I have either, so I kinda take care of everything... if anything I have to remind my parents about some stuff which they are apparently incapable off.

If my parents decide to snoop around in my mail, sure... they can, but if they do, please, take care of any mail for me, so I don't have to worry about it.

Well, it does stress me out a lot that I might get mail from some places that I rather not have mail from... including bills of things I didn't really consider to be around. Or just in a way don't want to receive in general. Especially if I'm not expecting anything "good" in any way. Yeah, currently I'm still waiting for a package and some stuff from ebay, but that's not that often, so if I have a letter on the table, I'm pretty sure it's either from the employment agency inviting me over, a healthcare bill or some other company that think I make a ton of money so I can pay bills for technically no good reason.

But I'd be better of if I didn't have to worry about those and just have my cash in my account and do whatever I want to do with it. Thinking of it, there's a lot of people that have such services set up cause of their disability thing... meh, might look into that someday. I hate writing a letter each time explaining my situation, explaining why I don't have a job, thus why I cannot pay amount X and stuff like that.

 

[NeverEnder]

I despise the phone.

I only have a cell phone for emergencies.

Really, I only call my pharmacy for med refills once every couple of weeks (and even that is difficult for me).

My parents? No, they make no calls for me. We have no relationship to speak of. They do nothing for me.

 

[Caspar]

I honestly hate this. It's no wonder a lot of us on the spectrum never learn social skills. Our families think we're incapable and because of it we never acquire social skills that we could attain. We get babied until the point where we can't do anything ourselves.

This is why I am so glad that I moved out of the house and am living on my own. Otherwise, my mother might still be making calls and scheduling appointments for me. On one hand, it is nice to have what is equivalent to a personal assistant, but eventually, a parent has got to let their kids grow up and live independently. I still find taking care of myself very stressful since I lack organizational skills but I have to learn to live on my own...

I wonder how many of us have parents who won't let us grow up...

 

[Questella]

I wish I had somebody to do this for me, usually me attempting to call someplace for something ends up with the receptionist being mad at me, telling me off, or me getting hung up on and then me just crying and holing up for several hours after. I wish I could just email places to get appointments for real I've not been able to get a doctor to see me at all, I've been trying for over two years now.

 

[nyxjord]

No since both of mine are deceased and I live with my fiancé. However, I do consider my energy levels and have a script prepared for any phone interactions. If I can't handle a phone conversation, then I resort to email.

 

[metalminx24]

Not for a long time. I hate phone calls and I'm told I'm abrupt to the point of sounding rather rude when I have to make them. Having the kids move in has really pushed me in this area because it's up to me to deal with all their stuff. Ach, bleurgh.

 

[QueenBara]

My mom does call stuff for me and do things for me, but not behind my back. I ask her to do these things for me because most of the time I am terrified of doing it myself. She always tries to make me do it myself before she does it as well.

Every once in awhile I will make a doctor's appointment, but I am generally really short with them or stutter a lot and everyone prefers it when my mom handles stuff like that. She also sometimes has to help me fill out forms even though she sometimes has trouble understanding them herself.

I make sure to handle the things I REALLY care about myself though. If I need to call a dog trainer or order some carry out for myself something I try to pull on my big girl panties and pick up the phone.

 

[strugglewithin]

Sometimes others make appointments for me but usually I will just drive over to the place and make appointment in person. I like to know where I am going and arrive hours early so I'm not late and just sit and read.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Nope. Once I turned 18, she was not legally allowed to do much of anything for me. So it fell to me. Not that many of those phone calls ever came up. Although I would have really appreciated her help during one disastrous three-week marathon of phone tag with the government, because even though I technically did not violate any kind of social etiquette or phone rules, I wasn't getting anything done and I knew she probably could have in one conversation. Although I think the rule I did violate was "you're just too nice sometimes". I should have been mean, I really should have. Amazing how my biggest regrets in life are always "you were too nice to that person". Maybe someday I'll have the gumption to give a dirtbag what they deserve and give them a good scare like they need. Works better in person because I have a lovely serial killer glare.

 

[Rudy Schmidt]

My wife makes the vast majority of my phone calls for me (excluding work-related). Most of the time the phone calls are unofficial, like me wanting to ask a family member something, or wanting to ask a shop if they carry a certain item, so her calling doesn't matter to them.

She did call to make my appointment for me with a mental health counsellor recently. The counsellor seemed very understanding and happy for her to make the call, which I appreciated.

I live in the USA but was born and raised in Wales, so my accent can give me problems on the phone. Once I tried to order a pizza and used a veterans administration building as a landmark, and was misheard as saying "the bathroom administration", at which point I handed the phone over.

Even when we go to Sonics, the drive in restaurant, we pull up to the speaker and I get out of the car and go and get in the passenger seat so she can scootch over and make the order (I hate drive thrus).

 

[Questella]

lol I always would rather walk in the resturant than use a drive thru (unless having a small child in the car which is the [my] only excuse) it doesn't help that drive thru radios are usually not the best in the world anyways.

 

[asd8513]

Not like they used to. Ive gotten more courage over the past couple years

 

[ancusmitis]

My mom does call stuff for me and do things for me, but not behind my back. I ask her to do these things for me because most of the time I am terrified of doing it myself. She always tries to make me do it myself before she does it as well.

Oh yes, I'm the same way. My mother used to disclose for me that I was autistic too, but not from my prompting and she stopped when I asked her to.

 

[Jacoby]

Yes but less so now, I have a lot of telephone anxiety which I am getting better at but I would always delegate things off onto my mom like that just to avoid talking to people about myself.