Nicola Mcgoldrick
New Member
I feel disconnected and different from people and like I don't fit in with anyone. I feel strange, different and separate from everyone else. I struggle to socialise with people, especially new people and find it hard to maintain a friendship. I struggle to hold a conversation and most of the time it feels forced and unnatural. I struggle to make small talk with people and find most things people talk about shallow. I get so anxious about having conversations with most people. My heart races and I end up sweating, shaking and talking too fast. Sometimes I speak so fast that I feel like I’m talking before my thoughts have processed. When I’m talking I tend to go off in a tangent and go on and on and people lose track of what I’m saying and find it difficult to reply.
I’d rather isolate myself and hide away from people and avoid contact with people but I hate the thought of not having friends. I mostly prefer to spend time alone because I find it so hard to make small talk. The thought of socialising with people puts me off making plans with people because it can be so awkward at times. When I’m in groups of people I feel very intimidated and like everyone is judging me. I lack interest in what most people have to say. When people talk too much I become bored and impatient.
I feel intimidated and inferior to people who are intelligent, pretty or have big personalities. I feel like im being judged in a negative way by everyone - even my own family. Most of my life is controlled by what other people think of me. I hate the thought of being disliked by anyone. I lack a sense of who I am and I live a vicarious life. I mostly live through other people and take on their interests and likes as my own. My style, likes and dislikes change a lot. I can not build my own sense of meaning.
When I’m around people for too long I feel like I begin to mimic their personalities and mannerisms without meaning to. I start to act like other people. I need constant reassurance that people like me and constant approval from other people. If I don’t get this I feel people don’t like me. Then I isolate myself away from people and want to hurt myself and get thoughts of killing myself. I feel like I don’t know who I am because my personality will change depending on who I’m trying to fit in with. I feel like my entire existence is controlled by what others think of me and gaining approval from people.
I am a very sensitive person and easily offended. I take most things personally, even when people say they are joking, I feel like they are speaking the truth through humour most of the time. I get intensely nervous when I need to speak in front of groups of people. I feel like everyone is judging me and thinks I’m stupid. I become so nervous and awkward and end up saying something stupid.
Sometimes I have so many different thoughts. I have days where my mind is racing I feel like I have all different conflicting thoughts and I struggle to work out what thought to listen to. I over analyse and overthink everything. I analyse situations from every possible angle then end up with too many thoughts. My mind ends up racing with millions of conflicting and contradicting thoughts and I don’t know what thought I should react to. I don’t understand how my thoughts can change so quickly. I struggle to keep up with my thinking.
When my thinking is like this I can't make decisions because I have to many neverending thoughts. It’s all complicated and contradicting. They make me irritated and frustrated. I get very confused and overwhelmed. My thoughts are so fast that I feel like inside my mind is like a strobe light. I become agitated, restless and fidgety. I can't concentrate then I feel very frustrated.
I usually internalise this, then I want to hurt myself or drink til oblivion to get relief. I feel the need to hurt myself because I’m so fustrated and overwhelmed to get some relief from it all. I don’t cope with stress well. The more I try and work out the thoughts, the more angry hopeless and frustrated I get and get thoughts of hurting or killing myself.
A lot of the time I don’t get much pleasure out of life. I feel disconnected and numb to life and like I’ll never fit in. I feel like I have no emotions sometimes except fear, sadness, hopelessness and self hatred. I get annoyed and irritated with people sometimes and I don’t want to. My own family irritate and annoy me even though they’re doing nothing wrong. I become irritable and frustrated in their company sometimes and everything they do annoys me. I don’t react and instead internalise the anger then want to hurt myself. I feel like I cant connect with them and struggle to have a conversation with them as well sometimes and feel I come accross as u interested in what they have to say, unless I’m talking about myself. I feel I can only make conversation if it’s about me. When they talk to me about themselves I don’t often know how to reply and it makes me feel selfish.
I end up feeling guilty and wishing they would give up on me. I feel like I don’t deserve their love sometimes. I want to hide away from people and be alone. I spend most of my time worrying about things. I feel like I'm not good enough and like I'm never going to get anywhere in life. I feel like I will never be happy. If I make a mistake or say something stupid I get angry at myself and want to hurt myself. I dwell and obsess on things for ages. I get very intense thoughts about hurting myself. I feel lost and worthless and I hate myself. I feel trapped when I’m like this and terrified for my future. it feels like life is just passing me by. Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that makes me feel like I’m going to burst out crying. Its a feeling of sadness and overwhelming frustration and irritation.
I feel like I don't belong here sometimes and that I have nothing to offer to anyone. I feel like I am just an existence at times. I don’t get much pleasure or satisfaction and never really feel real happiness. Everything feels overwhelming. I have no sense of my own self or what I want from life. I feel like I need something to make me feel something like drink and drugs. When I drink I feel complete. I feel at ease like the way I think I should feel when I’m sober. It makes me feel complete. It makes me feel relaxed, confident and careless and eases all the overanalysing thoughts. I don’t want to feel like this.
Everything is confusing.
I shift from one mindset to another about everything in life and find it hard to make decisions. Nothing is consistent. I struggle to keep up with the constant shifts in mindsets which makes it hard for me to know what I like/dislike because it changes so often.
I start things which are like a novelty then I completely lose interest. I can’t keep up with my thoughts and how much they change all the time from wanting to do well in life to not caring about anything or anyone. I can’t keep up with how quickly my mood changes sometimes.. I get internally angry, annoyed and overwhelmed at simple things. My mood can be dramatically affected by other people’s opinions of me or by thoughts i’m having about people disliking me or not understanding me. Most of the time I am very hopeless, negative, frustrated and irritated. I feel like I look too deep into situations and usually miss the point. I over analyse things.
I find it very hard to concentrate on general things most of the time. I feel like I live in my mind and constantly overthink, so I’m constantly listening to all the thoughts going on in my head. When I’m having a conversation with people I usually lose interest, my mind wanders and I struggle to concentrate on what they’re saying. I interrupt people, when something they say triggers a thought in my mind. Instead of waiting til they finish what they’re saying, I interrupt. I feel like everything happens too fast, I talk to fast, reply too fast, everything is too fast. I tend to be away ahead of myself and everyone else. I find small talk pointless and I find most people very shallow. I find it very difficult to sit and concentrate on things like TV. I become restless and always feel like I need to be doing something or I have too much anticipation about whatever I’m watching which makes me agitated and restless.
Also when I’m talking, I sometimes completely forget what I’m talking about or when someone asks me a question it’s like my thoughts become blocked and I can’t think to answer and it makes me feel stupid. I am very forgetful and feel like I am never present. I constantly lose things all the time, forget appointments, forget things people have told me etc and this makes me very frustrated and angry at myself. I feel like I’m always doing things too fast and rushed. My life is very unorganised and unmanageable. I am aware of this but continue to procrastinate because it all feels very overwhelming.
I have very obsessive thinking and I get lots of people based obsessions. I can’t tell the difference if this is fancying someone or an obsession with them. I get fixated on certain people, usually women, I want to be like them, want them to like me, and I can't stop thinking about them. Often it would be people superior and sometimes just people in general but usually females older than me. I crave their attention and want to be noticed by them. My thoughts can be very obsessive and I take things very literally and am very hard on myself. I need to get things perfect or I feel like a failure. If I make mistakes I feel like a failure.
My life is very confusing and my thoughts are very draining. They feel limitless and never ending.
I’d rather isolate myself and hide away from people and avoid contact with people but I hate the thought of not having friends. I mostly prefer to spend time alone because I find it so hard to make small talk. The thought of socialising with people puts me off making plans with people because it can be so awkward at times. When I’m in groups of people I feel very intimidated and like everyone is judging me. I lack interest in what most people have to say. When people talk too much I become bored and impatient.
I feel intimidated and inferior to people who are intelligent, pretty or have big personalities. I feel like im being judged in a negative way by everyone - even my own family. Most of my life is controlled by what other people think of me. I hate the thought of being disliked by anyone. I lack a sense of who I am and I live a vicarious life. I mostly live through other people and take on their interests and likes as my own. My style, likes and dislikes change a lot. I can not build my own sense of meaning.
When I’m around people for too long I feel like I begin to mimic their personalities and mannerisms without meaning to. I start to act like other people. I need constant reassurance that people like me and constant approval from other people. If I don’t get this I feel people don’t like me. Then I isolate myself away from people and want to hurt myself and get thoughts of killing myself. I feel like I don’t know who I am because my personality will change depending on who I’m trying to fit in with. I feel like my entire existence is controlled by what others think of me and gaining approval from people.
I am a very sensitive person and easily offended. I take most things personally, even when people say they are joking, I feel like they are speaking the truth through humour most of the time. I get intensely nervous when I need to speak in front of groups of people. I feel like everyone is judging me and thinks I’m stupid. I become so nervous and awkward and end up saying something stupid.
Sometimes I have so many different thoughts. I have days where my mind is racing I feel like I have all different conflicting thoughts and I struggle to work out what thought to listen to. I over analyse and overthink everything. I analyse situations from every possible angle then end up with too many thoughts. My mind ends up racing with millions of conflicting and contradicting thoughts and I don’t know what thought I should react to. I don’t understand how my thoughts can change so quickly. I struggle to keep up with my thinking.
When my thinking is like this I can't make decisions because I have to many neverending thoughts. It’s all complicated and contradicting. They make me irritated and frustrated. I get very confused and overwhelmed. My thoughts are so fast that I feel like inside my mind is like a strobe light. I become agitated, restless and fidgety. I can't concentrate then I feel very frustrated.
I usually internalise this, then I want to hurt myself or drink til oblivion to get relief. I feel the need to hurt myself because I’m so fustrated and overwhelmed to get some relief from it all. I don’t cope with stress well. The more I try and work out the thoughts, the more angry hopeless and frustrated I get and get thoughts of hurting or killing myself.
A lot of the time I don’t get much pleasure out of life. I feel disconnected and numb to life and like I’ll never fit in. I feel like I have no emotions sometimes except fear, sadness, hopelessness and self hatred. I get annoyed and irritated with people sometimes and I don’t want to. My own family irritate and annoy me even though they’re doing nothing wrong. I become irritable and frustrated in their company sometimes and everything they do annoys me. I don’t react and instead internalise the anger then want to hurt myself. I feel like I cant connect with them and struggle to have a conversation with them as well sometimes and feel I come accross as u interested in what they have to say, unless I’m talking about myself. I feel I can only make conversation if it’s about me. When they talk to me about themselves I don’t often know how to reply and it makes me feel selfish.
I end up feeling guilty and wishing they would give up on me. I feel like I don’t deserve their love sometimes. I want to hide away from people and be alone. I spend most of my time worrying about things. I feel like I'm not good enough and like I'm never going to get anywhere in life. I feel like I will never be happy. If I make a mistake or say something stupid I get angry at myself and want to hurt myself. I dwell and obsess on things for ages. I get very intense thoughts about hurting myself. I feel lost and worthless and I hate myself. I feel trapped when I’m like this and terrified for my future. it feels like life is just passing me by. Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that makes me feel like I’m going to burst out crying. Its a feeling of sadness and overwhelming frustration and irritation.
I feel like I don't belong here sometimes and that I have nothing to offer to anyone. I feel like I am just an existence at times. I don’t get much pleasure or satisfaction and never really feel real happiness. Everything feels overwhelming. I have no sense of my own self or what I want from life. I feel like I need something to make me feel something like drink and drugs. When I drink I feel complete. I feel at ease like the way I think I should feel when I’m sober. It makes me feel complete. It makes me feel relaxed, confident and careless and eases all the overanalysing thoughts. I don’t want to feel like this.
Everything is confusing.
I shift from one mindset to another about everything in life and find it hard to make decisions. Nothing is consistent. I struggle to keep up with the constant shifts in mindsets which makes it hard for me to know what I like/dislike because it changes so often.
I start things which are like a novelty then I completely lose interest. I can’t keep up with my thoughts and how much they change all the time from wanting to do well in life to not caring about anything or anyone. I can’t keep up with how quickly my mood changes sometimes.. I get internally angry, annoyed and overwhelmed at simple things. My mood can be dramatically affected by other people’s opinions of me or by thoughts i’m having about people disliking me or not understanding me. Most of the time I am very hopeless, negative, frustrated and irritated. I feel like I look too deep into situations and usually miss the point. I over analyse things.
I find it very hard to concentrate on general things most of the time. I feel like I live in my mind and constantly overthink, so I’m constantly listening to all the thoughts going on in my head. When I’m having a conversation with people I usually lose interest, my mind wanders and I struggle to concentrate on what they’re saying. I interrupt people, when something they say triggers a thought in my mind. Instead of waiting til they finish what they’re saying, I interrupt. I feel like everything happens too fast, I talk to fast, reply too fast, everything is too fast. I tend to be away ahead of myself and everyone else. I find small talk pointless and I find most people very shallow. I find it very difficult to sit and concentrate on things like TV. I become restless and always feel like I need to be doing something or I have too much anticipation about whatever I’m watching which makes me agitated and restless.
Also when I’m talking, I sometimes completely forget what I’m talking about or when someone asks me a question it’s like my thoughts become blocked and I can’t think to answer and it makes me feel stupid. I am very forgetful and feel like I am never present. I constantly lose things all the time, forget appointments, forget things people have told me etc and this makes me very frustrated and angry at myself. I feel like I’m always doing things too fast and rushed. My life is very unorganised and unmanageable. I am aware of this but continue to procrastinate because it all feels very overwhelming.
I have very obsessive thinking and I get lots of people based obsessions. I can’t tell the difference if this is fancying someone or an obsession with them. I get fixated on certain people, usually women, I want to be like them, want them to like me, and I can't stop thinking about them. Often it would be people superior and sometimes just people in general but usually females older than me. I crave their attention and want to be noticed by them. My thoughts can be very obsessive and I take things very literally and am very hard on myself. I need to get things perfect or I feel like a failure. If I make mistakes I feel like a failure.
My life is very confusing and my thoughts are very draining. They feel limitless and never ending.
