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Coping with being two-faced.

Roxy

Roxy

Well-Known Member
I decided that I should be more sociable this year at work (I work in a school so we just started the new school year). Last year I ended up isolating myself which didn't feel good. I've made an effort to speak to people, ask after them etc.

The problem is, there are a few people I don't much care for. A couple of them are just plain annoying :S I've noticed that people are talking to me more, sitting with me in the staff room and generally more 'open' to me which is nice except I'm finding it really hard being what I'd call two-faced. I know it's my black and white thinking, and not everyone thinks that way - or do they? I'm confused. Are people talking to me while really not liking me? Oh jeez this is hard.

What I'm asking is, is it OK to chat with people and be friendly when really they wind you up and you find them annoying? Like, smiling to their faces while inwardly wishing they'd shut the heck up :mad:
 
If I were you I would work in an environment where social skills aren't required - it might end up driving you totally insane.

As for myself, I'm not diagnosed or anything but I personnally don't talk to people I don't like (and believe me I don't like many people) , I give them the cold shoulder, and if they say something stupid I have little patience and start breaking every little thing they say - not that I'm a ***** or anything but I am quite intolerant toward ignorant people, and I find that there are far too many of them, spreading their useless ideas.

To answer your question, I think most people are two-faced. Haven't you noticed how people tend to ***** on someone when that person's not around and then they act all normal when that person is in the room. Aggg I can't stand that kind of behaviour!
 
Showing basic common courtesy in a social/work context isn't being two faced. You don't have to begin inviting these people out socially or engaging in mutual visits, you don't have to begin dating them or entering into a romantic relationship with them. THAT would be two-faced. Also, you aren't engaging in destructive back-stabbing. So long as things remain very casual or related directly to the job & its tasks, don't worry about labels.
 
I agree with soup. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you have to be two-faced as you put it you can be polite, respectful and even tolerant of them in a work setting and still not like them personally. I don't like a few people at work but I am nice and polite and try to be very respectful it is for the benefit of all that we get along but that doesn't mean you have to like them just don't talk to others about how much you don't like (whomever) that would be two-faced. Plus try not to worry so much if they like you or not, that's one of my issues is I always want people in my work setting to like me but honestly not everyone is gonna like everyone else so just stick with those that you like and be nice to those that you find annoying but have to work with. There is no reason for extra conflict. Hugs I hope things get better for you at work.
 
If I were you I would work in an environment where social skills aren't required - it might end up driving you totally insane.
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:( I had a breakdown after the first year and have been very ill on and off since so you have a point, however I do love working with the children and can't imagine ever changing my job.

I'm fine on a professional level. It's more when we're in the staff room at breaks and everyone's chatting. A couple of people really irritate me.

Thanks for the advice though, I really appreciate it and it has helped. It's the social side of my job that gets me down and which I'm trying to learn to deal with in better and safer ways.
 
Hey Roxy!

I know how you feel about the staff room: it is a euphemism for HELL for me. I hate having to be in there with all the chatting blabbering & gossiping teachers. There's a false camaraderie among some of them that's palpable & an undercurrent of jealousy, competitiveness & resentment with some of them too. I think Arashi's advice is best here. Otherwise, we can end up going nuts.
 
If you like children, I don't know if you've heard of a baby speaking agency? Basically you're a kind of au pair who only speaks to the children in English, so there's no "social work" breaks it's just you and the kids. You'll need to move to France though, I think! :D (and maybe come visit me! :D )

You can work permanently 20 hours a week paid up to 20€ per hour, which is pretty good money, me thinks. (I passed a skype conference call though, dunno if you feel comfortable with that? If you're up for it don't hesitate to send me a PM so I could perhaps share some of the basic questions they asked me, which aren't tough at all... my application was accepted but I'm not sure I'll have time to juggle my law studies and that...)

Baby sitting, nounou, garde enfant et cours en anglais avec Baby-Speaking

If you're interested click on the English flag , then the "apply" tab. And as I said before, don't hesitate to PM me if you need any info. Speaking French for instance isn't required at all.

Good luck :)
 
It's not that I like working with children in particular, more the hours and holidays suit me and the money's not too bad. I don't skype at the moment - it's on my 'to do' list :rolleyes2: but thanks for the suggestions.

Had a meltdown at work today. I think everything just became too overwhelming and I reached a point where I couldn't take anymore. Luckily there were no children in the class at the time. I guess I'm not coping with working life at all right now. The beginning of the school year means new timetables, new staff, new kids, new routines. Things are all over the place as far as the timetables are concerned and I'm struggling to deal with it all.
 
You're introverted which is perfectly normal!

A lot of people feel the same way as you do.

People talking to you whilst hating you? No, I don't think that happens often. I speak from experience.

Smiling when someone is annoying? That's basic social knowledge, everyone does that.
The question you have to ask yourself is: "Do I want to hang out with this person? " If you don't - it's normal! You don't have to say that directly, but you can distance yourself slowly. YOU choose your friends, but I recommend you not to be too picky. Nobody's perfect.
 
I am afraid it is a fact of life, to be two faced! I know so much what you mean, but sometimes we have to grin and bear it. The sheer amount of times, I have been in the situation, where I really did not like the person; generally due to continuously talking about themselves, which is bad enough, but to NEVER ask: how are you doing? And these are NT people!!!

I often joke that if my imagination turned visual to others, those who I really do not like (due to their attitude), well there they are, flat on the floor, nursing a bruised head, black eyes etc etc and just perhaps, just perhaps, a jolly good hospital visit :mad:
 
I can't do it. I can't be two-faced - my one face betrays me every time. If I don't like someone, they know it. I don't hang around them, I don't smile at them, I just totally avoid them and act like they don't exist. My neighbors are about the most two-faced people I know. They'll smile at my face and talk about me behind my back! Once I get word you're saying negative things about me when I'm not there and able to defend myself, then that's the time you make it on my Sh*t List. When I was on the HOA board, my "S" List was full at all times! And once one dropped off, a new one was added from my alternate list! :p
 
Grumpy Cat said:
I can't do it. I can't be two-faced - my one face betrays me every time. If I don't like someone, they know it. I don't hang around them, I don't smile at them, I just totally avoid them and act like they don't exist. My neighbors are about the most two-faced people I know. They'll smile at my face and talk about me behind my back! Once I get word you're saying negative things about me when I'm not there and able to defend myself, then that's the time you make it on my Sh*t List. When I was on the HOA board, my "S" List was full at all times! And once one dropped off, a new one was added from my alternate list! :p
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Snap... people say they can read me really well and I'm just usually surprised and feel a bit violated when this is said. I'd like to think I'm very neutral, others can read things that I never even knew I was doing.

I can't be two faced, although I can be a hypocrite and I hate that.
 
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