Can an Aspie learn social skills and how?

[Butterflux]

I want to learn social skills because i find it really hard to make friends and keep them.

 

[Pondering]

An aspie can learn social skills on a conscious level. Some, more than others. I learned to pick up on facial expressions, tone, and body language but utilizing them yourself can be tricky. It helps to be around it all the time. Watch Youtube videos on how to use your facial expressions, etc, whatever it is exactly you need help with. It also helps to find like-minded people for friends. You'll never be close friends with someone you don't who doesn't naturally 'get' you. The next positive social interaction you see, observe it, and take mental notes. What do you like about the interaction? How can you use some of those in your own interactions?

 

[Nerdpride20950]

I too have trouble making and keeping friends. I agree with what Cheryl said in her post. My therapist had me work on focusing on how others reacted to me when I tried to interact with them. I found that many times, people are prone to give the benefit of the doubt to others and accept their awkwardness as kind of just an eccentricity. This made it easier for me to reach out and try to make friends. Maybe this advice can help you too.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Yes, you can definitely learn them. It will probably be a draining experience for you since you're using your intellect rather than intuition. They say that around by middle age a person with autism can have their deficits balanced out by years of learned experience - that's according to Tony Attwood anyway. It'll be easier for some more than others of course.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

Yes, I agree with what the others have said. I've learnt by trial and error to "pass", but it has taken a long time, and my condition is milder than most. I still don't do eye-contact unless I have to, but at least I rarely make inappropriate jokes or try too hard to fit in. Other people, as far as I know, don't realise that every movement and everything I say has to be thought out first, even if it is a quick thought made that very second, to ensure I'm not about to offend or annoy them.
I worked with people with learning disabilities for some years, so learnt to read non-verbal communication; and I was over-corrected as a child, so grew up more aware than most of other people around me (people trying to get past me in the street, for example).

 

[Mr Allen]

One of the "things" of having AS is poor social skills anyway.

A Million years ago in Junior school (What would probably be called Elementary in the US) I had a wide circle of friends in my class, and since I left I haven't seen them for years and it'll be 30 years next year since I left.

Although having said that I've made new friends over the years, some of whom I talk to regularly on Facebook, but I find online socialising easier than in person to be fair, I can be myself more online.

 

[savi83]

I can handle social situations well for approximately 5 minutes and then feel out of place. Especially in larger groups.

This would definitely be something I would like to learn to improve.

I find that a lot social conventions uncomfortable and mainstream topics such as sports and television soap opera's tedious.

In reflection, I find that I tend to stick with certain topics such as if I'm out with work colleagues I'm drawn to talk about work, which is never good.

 

[Cimbreo]

It's hard work but yeah doable.
I actually had hard time remembering how challenging it was back when even looking somebody in the eye was an abstract idea. It took me many years and failing and learning from mistakes but now I think my interactions are quite 'normal'. I still need to act, however it doesn't scare nor worry me much. At least not most of the times.