Being forced to go out in a rough town

[tripleU]

Hello, my mom is forcing me to go out, buy things for her, go closer to god, etc. But the area is so bad, I can't describe it, It is the photons of light that hit my eyes, the weird architecture that is considered "good" by them, people who are weird, look at me, children being "satanic" as everyone says in this country but only towards me, throwing rocks at me. People considering me weird for following traffic laws correctly, People driving crazily. It is something. It causes this weird feeling I never felt before and permenantly made my autism worser. I only live here as my uncle moved here, for a reason way too long mainly greed. Help! And also the Imam (Priest here) argues like a 3 year old and wants me to do weird things, Mentioned as "baseless" all over the internet. I want to migrate! Help! How do I convince her and also her to move? How do I punish the people. do something with the m or not? And they all have low IQs I think and are also black with an accent, and use weird vocabulary, like Ayin for a mirror. It worsened my Autism, when I did this all a year ago sometime in May. I don't want to do it again. She says that I will get bored, she doesn't know what fun is, what aesthetics is. Help!

 

[Gerontius]

I don't know how to navigate the culture of a Muslim country like Pakistan, but I can help you with the light stuff.
Go buy some glasses that block blue light. It does not take a lot of money but if you look for "blue light blocking glasses" on the internet I am sure that you will be able to find something. I have to do this in order to function. Either that or get yourself some good sunglasses, with polarized lenses.

Attempting to punish people is probably not going to work very well for a practical standpoint. Enough said.

The black people with accents might be local and might be from afar. I bet you most of them are every bit as intelligent as anyone else though. Smart & dumb is more of a situation thing, a resources thing, than it is a color thing. Promise you we are more alike under the skin than anyone dares realize. I understand you're having a tough time of it though; bullying is often the cause of being upset with other groups of people. For example I do not like rich people mostly because they gave me a hard time when I was growing up.

I do not know enough about comparative religions to speak to the situation with the imam/priest/local reverend. Never met a Muslim clergyman in my life though I've seen Muslims before. I do not know if you are a Muslim either. I can relate to priests/religious folks being a bit odd sometimes though--One of the Catholic priests accused me of having demons when I told him I have autism. He did not like the way I answered a political question.

As far as traffic laws--Once you get yourself some blue light glasses or at least wear sunglasses or something, it might be easier to function. Course traffic is always going to be a mess but autistic people do successfully live in cities & other places where traffic is unpredictably messy. You have to be able to see in traffic to avoid getting flattened by it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It is a fools errand to try to convince somebody to move who is comfortable. The only means for you to move is to be independent. Start working in that direction.

 

[Gerontius]

Oh! And by-the-way!
Going out & doing errands might be good for you!

I will tell you a little story about my girl friend. She is very nice, and she's autistic too just like us. Her parents never taught her how to do anything, at all--not how to go to the market, or how to fix herself something to eat, or how to really take care of anything that grown-up people might like to do to get through daily life (jobs, taxes, home repairs.)
As a result she's almost completely scared to do anything & at her grown-up age still has a hard time crossing the street without being afraid of the cars. She's seven years older than you.

This is a time for you to possibly develop better skills than your mom, I guess, and when you do get a chance to migrate somewhere you like better, you'll be more than skilled. You can sit in a nice Biergarten in Germany somewhere I guess and regale cute German girls with how streetwise you are in the land of Pakistani traffic. Or you can study the effects of locally formed speech patterns on the apologetics efforts of imams in the British Museum's reading rooms.
Gotta get skilled. Coding's great, all that stuff's great; I know how hard it is to be 13, 14 years old & feel like you're 14 going on 65 and all grown up. But there's still tons and tons of things to learn.

 

[tripleU]

I don't know how to navigate the culture of a Muslim country like Pakistan, but I can help you with the light stuff.
Go buy some glasses that block blue light. It does not take a lot of money but if you look for "blue light blocking glasses" on the internet I am sure that you will be able to find something. I have to do this in order to function. Either that or get yourself some good sunglasses, with polarized lenses.

Attempting to punish people is probably not going to work very well for a practical standpoint. Enough said.

The black people with accents might be local and might be from afar. I bet you most of them are every bit as intelligent as anyone else though. Smart & dumb is more of a situation thing, a resources thing, than it is a color thing. Promise you we are more alike under the skin than anyone dares realize. I understand you're having a tough time of it though; bullying is often the cause of being upset with other groups of people. For example I do not like rich people mostly because they gave me a hard time when I was growing up.

I do not know enough about comparative religions to speak to the situation with the imam/priest/local reverend. Never met a Muslim clergyman in my life though I've seen Muslims before. I do not know if you are a Muslim either. I can relate to priests/religious folks being a bit odd sometimes though--One of the Catholic priests accused me of having demons when I told him I have autism. He did not like the way I answered a political question.

As far as traffic laws--Once you get yourself some blue light glasses or at least wear sunglasses or something, it might be easier to function. Course traffic is always going to be a mess but autistic people do successfully live in cities & other places where traffic is unpredictably messy. You have to be able to see in traffic to avoid getting flattened by it.

Blue light filters would make that worser it is also the heat at that time. I need red light filters and it is impossible to navigate the culture of Pakistan or any Muslim country. It is also these houses that look bad, I can't describe them but send pictures, if you want. Also, in the old town I was in people followed traffic rules a lot like me.

 

[tripleU]

Is there a migration guide like PC Building guides?

 

[tazz]

Perhaps polarised lenses? They block out light coming in at a certain angle, typically coming in from above or below. Light coming in from the sides still gets in. The idea is that bright light from the sky or reflecting off the ground will be blocked. I probably didn't explain the physics very well, but hopefully you get the idea. I've found them to be very good.

I don't think you will find a migration guide as such. But I think one important thing is to find out about visa requirements - many countries will provide a visa to live and work if you have certain skills that they need. At your age though, it might be too early to focus on that specifically - by the time you are independent enough to emigrate, the visa requirements will probably have changed. In general though, a good education helps, including a degree of some sort.

Remember that some ethnic groups may present with a lower IQ because the tests are biased, or the education system doesn't work for them, or they are marginalised, and not because they actually have less capacity to learn or have some inherently lower intelligence. As far as I am aware, there are no racial factors that directly and genuinely affect IQ. Actual evidence (as opposed to anecdotal evidence which is of course unreliable) is usually a product of the way ethnic groups are treated and the way the IQ tests are formulated. I'm not an expert in this area so you may want to do some research on this.

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe take the high road, understand you may never understand the culture, however start learning the language, either online or with a hired tutor. Or barter your English skills for such. Do something different, take a passion and and try to sell it there, like music classes. What can u offer of yourself to add interest to your life? Another option, take defense classes, or have your family pay for a security person. These are off the wall ideas, but they may inspire you for your own answer.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Just because people tend to forget: a great deal of the world's urban traffic looks like this.

 

[Rodafina]

She says that I will get bored, she doesn't know what fun is, what aesthetics is

It really sounds like this is something you have to discuss more openly with your mother. She is your main support right now, and even if she doesn’t currently understand the way you are experiencing things, I would encourage you to keep your line of communication open with your mother. Try to explain more to her what moving to a new country has meant to you and the things that are challenging for you.

If all of your conversations with her are had during angry times and through frustration, it can be difficult for any real communication to be happening. But maybe you could write her a note, or find some other way to express yourself in a way that she can understand.

It makes sense that you are 13 and having trouble with your relationship with your mother, but it does not mean that she will never understand. From what you have shared so far, it does not sound like she is abusing or neglecting you (correct me if I’m wrong there, please.). in that case, communication is the most important thing, and she is the most important adult in your life right now.

 

[tripleU]

It really sounds like this is something you have to discuss more openly with your mother. She is your main support right now, and even if she doesn’t currently understand the way you are experiencing things, I would encourage you to keep your line of communication open with your mother. Try to explain more to her what moving to a new country has meant to you and the things that are challenging for you.

If all of your conversations with her are had during angry times and through frustration, it can be difficult for any real communication to be happening. But maybe you could write her a note, or find some other way to express yourself in a way that she can understand.

It makes sense that you are 13 and having trouble with your relationship with your mother, but it does not mean that she will never understand. From what you have shared so far, it does not sound like she is abusing or neglecting you (correct me if I’m wrong there, please.). in that case, communication is the most important thing, and she is the most important adult in your life right now.

I think it's not light that effects me, it is just this weird feeling only in this town, going out on the highway and going somewhere else like my mom's aunt's house, the feeling is partially removed, going farther away makes it go away,

 

[tazz]

Do you have other family members, perhaps in your extended family like your mom's aunt, who might be able to support you?

 

[tripleU]

Do you have other family members, perhaps in your extended family like your mom's aunt, who might be able to support you?

No they don't support, I just like her house

 

[Progster]

I find that wearing earplugs in a busy city can make a difference, and wearing a baseball cap or wide brimmed hat can help block out movement in my peripheral vision and make it easier to concentrate only on what's immediately ahead of me. I don't know whether it will work for you or not, but it's something to try.

 

[tripleU]

I find that wearing earplugs in a busy city can make a difference, and wearing a baseball cap or wide brimmed hat can help block out movement in my peripheral vision and make it easier to concentrate only on what's immediately ahead of me. I don't know whether it will work for you or not, but it's something to try.

That's not my problem, read post #11 on this thread

 

[tripleU]

I think it could be from a traumatic event which would explain it better. Try getting depressed and using a wallpaper then don't use it after the depr. and use it again and you will gain a feeling that can explain this. Also I am ok, if I go with my mom and to a close place as I just did to see a new shop that had everything nearby, but not to a far away mosque because I have to go inside alone for 15 mins.

 

[tazz]

That's not my problem

I just wanted to say that since I was diagnosed with autism I've noticed that it's not always obvious to me why I feel uncomfortable in certain environments. Previously I'd feel uncomfortable without realising why. I'd just think that someone was annoying me, or that I was being impatient. But now I understand that sometimes I was feeling uncomfortable because there was something about the situation that was triggering an autistic reaction, if that's a useful way to phrase it.

So now I'm learning to work out what it is that's making me uncomfortable so I can make changes. A good example perhaps is my clothing. I recently bought some new clothes. I took time to get clothes that felt ok and had the right pockets for all my stuff - but I couldn't exactly replicate the clothes I was wearing before. So there were a few changes in terms of pockets and clasps etc. I then had a couple of bad weeks where I couldn't settle, I was being irate and impatient with people, and not focusing much. Eventually it occurred to me that it might be the clothing that was causing this - so I switched back to my previous clothes and things calmed down again.

Obviously you would know better than myself with regard to your own situation, but I wondered if maybe you know the specific causes of why you feel uncomfortable, or perhaps there are some causes that you're not yet aware of. So you could try some things out just to see if they make a difference. I don't know. Just throwing ideas out there in case they might help you.

Edit: I hadn't seen your post about trauma before I posted this. But anyway, these ideas might help.

 

[tripleU]

I just wanted to say that since I was diagnosed with autism I've noticed that it's not always obvious to me why I feel uncomfortable in certain environments. Previously I'd feel uncomfortable without realising why. I'd just think that someone was annoying me, or that I was being impatient. But now I understand that sometimes I was feeling uncomfortable because there was something about the situation that was triggering an autistic reaction, if that's a useful way to phrase it.

So now I'm learning to work out what it is that's making me uncomfortable so I can make changes. A good example perhaps is my clothing. I recently bought some new clothes. I took time to get clothes that felt ok and had the right pockets for all my stuff - but I couldn't exactly replicate the clothes I was wearing before. So there were a few changes in terms of pockets and clasps etc. I then had a couple of bad weeks where I couldn't settle, I was being irate and impatient with people, and not focusing much. Eventually it occurred to me that it might be the clothing that was causing this - so I switched back to my previous clothes and things calmed down again.

Obviously you would know better than myself with regard to your own situation, but I wondered if maybe you know the specific causes of why you feel uncomfortable, or perhaps there are some causes that you're not yet aware of. So you could try some things out just to see if they make a difference. I don't know. Just throwing ideas out there in case they might help you.

Edit: I hadn't seen your post about trauma before I posted this. But anyway, these ideas might help.

Same, I hate the thin pajamas my mom bought, not those sleeping ones but the Persian version of pants, that I love. The thick ones are so soft. I was able to use music to make the time between 3pm and 6pm better and I love it now, but I ran out of music specifically I need Video Game music, more classical music, but the shop I went to and it's window made this town a bit better but that needs to be done to every house here, to do it fully.