"Bad" people

[AsheSkyler]

I have a sixth sense for bad perverts. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about their posture, choice of phrases, attitude, how they present their religion, and clothing, but I recognize the components when they're together and I watch those people like a hawk when they're near. And I'm fine with a person having a kinky side and I can get along fine with normal people who have a robust bed life, but these particular perverts I don't like are the ones push it on others and some have a history of molesting people. They're bad people and I make it clear I want nothing to do with them.

And of course there are the more mundane ones that I tolerate but don't necessary like, like drama queens, attention/glory hounds, slick weasel salesmen types, and those really disturbing politically correct types with the perpetual blank staring grin that flock to real estate and customer service and stuff.

 

[Lysander]

Great thread!

I can usually tell whether my opinion of another is fair, although even if I find that it isn't, I am unlikely to ever feel close to that person. I do not need to like everyone - so I am content with treating others fairly, whenever I can.

For instance - women, domineering men, and christians, while not entirely evil, shall never be close pals of mine.

 

[hurtloam]

Great thread!
For instance - women, domineering men, and christians, while not entirely evil, shall never be close pals of mine.

Was that a joke and I dont' get it?

I'll just pick up on the women bit because I am a woman. I feel hurt that you would dismiss me just because I am a woman. If we had a conversation and got along well I would like to think that a person would consider me for a friendship and not just dismiss me because I am a woman. I've been hurt by a couple of women, but I didn't decided that meant I could never have a female friend again. I've made some very good, reliable, kind female friends as well as male friends, some of them are even Christians, shock horror! Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

 

[Lysander]

Was that a joke and I dont' get it?

I'll just pick up on the women bit because I am a woman. I feel hurt that you would dismiss me just because I am a woman. If we had a conversation and got along well I would like to think that a person would consider me for a friendship and not just dismiss me because I am a woman. I've been hurt by a couple of women, but I didn't decided that meant I could never have a female friend again. I've made some very good, reliable, kind female friends as well as male friends, some of them are even Christians, shock horror! Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

Nope, I was serious (what irony, given social norms), but you took it more personally than was strictly necessary.

My comment was not as black-and-white as you have perceived; granted, I myself am female and some of my best friends have been Christian, nonetheless not everyone (certainly not me!) will feel the way you do about others.

We are different people, after all.

 

[hurtloam]

... with the perpetual blank staring grin that flock to real estate and customer service and stuff.

I have a couple of acquaintances like that. They're ok people, I don't have any real problems with them, but I do find that blank staring grin thing very unsettling. Like they are determined to be friendly. I've often wondered if they're aspies and give them the benefit of the doubt wondering if maybe they are trying to be friendly, but don't have the social skills to make conversation comfortably. I don't know. We're all different I guess, but I find it difficult to connect with people like that too.

 

[hurtloam]

My comment was not as black-and-white as you have perceived

Sorry, I took what you said a bit too literally.

 

[Cali Cat]

I have a keen sense for people. I can tell the good ones from the bad ones almost immediately. I don't dislike many people, so when I get an uneasy feeling about a person (more than the normal unease an Aspie might feel around any new person), I know something isn't right with him/her. After a while, something always comes up that verifies my feelings. Alternatively, I feel a sense of genuineness about "good" people. They may not be perfect people, but their intentions are good. The "blank staring grin" type is disingenuous and reeks of self-centeredness masquerading as friendliness. I never thought about that type possibly being an Aspie. I just don't think so though, because I can typically spot my own kind in any setting and feel most comfortable with them. Most people, though, fall somewhere in between the good, the bad and the Aspie.

 

[hurtloam]

I wonder if we're talking about the same kinda person. Meryl Streep springs to mind. She really creeps me out.

 

[radasp]

"For instance - women, domineering men, and christians, while not entirely evil, shall never be close pals of mine."
Uh....that doesn't leave much wiggle room - pretty literal statement.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I have a couple of acquaintances like that. They're ok people, I don't have any real problems with them, but I do find that blank staring grin thing very unsettling. Like they are determined to be friendly. I've often wondered if they're aspies and give them the benefit of the doubt wondering if maybe they are trying to be friendly, but don't have the social skills to make conversation comfortably. I don't know. We're all different I guess, but I find it difficult to connect with people like that too.

I always assumed they were trying to intimidate me into a sale. Or maybe were stoned...

 

[Lysander]

"For instance - women, domineering men, and christians, while not entirely evil, shall never be close pals of mine."
Uh....that doesn't leave much wiggle room - pretty literal statement.

I let my communication get "lax", I confess. That's my mistake.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="DogwoodTree, there are a few people I've come across in my life where I just can hardly stand to be around them. [/QUOTE]

Hi I think great care should be taken on this, intuition is a natural defence, and should not be ignored, could even save your life. There was this lady my father counceled, for years. I had a bad feeling from day one told my father she was bad news. But she played the damsel in distress, every one was picking on her, every one abused her, every one misunderstood her, bla, bla. Father told me I wasn't charitable enough, she spent 10m years worming her way into my family. Finally got her step daughter to trick me into dating her, courting letter and every thing. She went on endlessly about how wonderful a person she thought I was. But the minuet things didn't turn out in her favor, turned on me like a cold blooded wolf, no mercy, no humiliation too great, endless lies, slander, spying, manipulations, attempts to extort me, any dirty trick in the book to get her way. I now believe her sob stories of being abused are likely almost all lies. Still half worried she'll show up one day on the porch and John Lennin me. So if your auti side smells that hungry aggressive wolf thing, run, lock the door, cross the street, very bad people can smile real nice and be charming, and cut you up into little peaces the minuet they get you cornered. Sociopaths do not advertise, they hide in plain sight.

 

[JCPHN]

Honestly, it's pessimistic, but I think there are a lot of "bad" (or just disingenuous/dishonest) people in the world. That is one thing that keeps me at bay, other than my own difficulties. I am truly afraid of accidentally falling to the charms of manipulative people and becoming a victim in some fashion. I feel as though I have many times in the past, and though I've tried hard not to let it affect my worldview, it's proved a fruitless effort. It bothers me that the "blank-staring grin" sort of people exist in the first place, but the fact that they seem to be in the majority actually frightens me.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="JCPHN, I am truly afraid of accidentally falling to the charms of manipulative people and becoming a victim in some fashion. [/QUOTE]

I don't get the blank stare thing, but my aspie side is small, my auti side picks up on a hungry forward leaning thing, not the same as out goingness. It is more a too much thing they are just too much something, like they want to swallow you whole. It's just that bad feeling too much too much....makes hair stand up on back of neck. I think care should be taken I feel these sorts are drawn to us like they smell a lame deer....I try to be nice but these I walk circles around....danger!

 

[Kirsty]

 

[MicroWeiss]

The people I have automatically disliked treated me poorly when given a chance. I can see the dopamine response to repeated use of pain-pleasure stimuli in a persons eyes, which means they often engage in destructive behavior to get a dopamine rush. I would describe it as having sparkly eyes, though it is possible to have natural sparkly eyes. There's a difference. The look one gets in the middle of a dopamine rush can be described as a smiling grimace, an expression saying "it hurts so good".

There are other times, however, like a few people I talked to who were on medication, I really liked them right up until they smiled at me, and their face was smiling and their eyes were dead and medicated looking. I couldn't deal with it, or talk to them again. They didn't seem like bad people, I never thought they were, but I had a panic-type response to their smile/eyes. I sometimes don't trust people on medication, but I have no real basis for it.

 

[MicroWeiss]

Out of curiosity (and an honest question...not accusing), have you ever asked one of these people who you perceive as fake, if they feel like they're being genuine with you?

Oh sorry, I didn't answer the question in the quote. No, I never feel like communication with the fake people can get to that level. haha.

But I see these people a lot. I try not to take it to heart. But I might feel like they wouldn't stand by me in any meaningful way or be able to sense if I was in distress. I get the feeling that emotions are meaningless to them and would be discounted and ignored, like maybe they are in denial about their own emotions, or can't express that kind of thing in words. These people make their own rules probably based on good intentions and stuff, but I think they fall behind on best practices.

 

[Spiller]

Trying to categorize what seems "off" about all of them...they all feel "needy" to me, like they need someone else to validate their existence, their value, their identity.

Okay, silly question. Is it normal to just not "like" someone? ...someone who isn't "bad", just someone you don't particularly enjoy? I really think the problem is that they remind me of things about myself that I don't like. Maybe if I could learn to like myself better, I might like them better, too? Could it be that "simple"?

I have this, I can't look at people who display an aggressive attitude.. I guess because they need others to respect them.. I never realised I did this until your post, yet another AS quirk, eh?
I learned not to judge people on appearance, lifestyle, beliefs, etc a long time ago.. I think it's a natural survival trait in social species, it may just be exaggerated by our excess of bad experiences; I've been exploited by almost everyone I've ever met, so tend to be reticent, even though I'm desperate to socialise at the same time.

 

[Ellylldan]

When I wake up in the morning the world has a clean slate. If you have hurt me yesterday, sleep will wash it away. So you can start your day with a clean slate.

I don't know whether this is a good thing or not. I was born this way, I cannot hold grudges.

Of course I hurt. But holding grudges does not help me heal.
I have lots of scars. They remind me of healing.

I am like this, too. Even if a person hurts me, next time I meet them, I go with an open heart. Often I end up being hurt again, but it's like I keep giving them a chance to be a better person every time, mostly involuntarily. I have always been like this. When I was younger I hated this naivety of mine, but i couldn't help it. When I grew up, I started to get angry at people for hurting me but still, next time I saw them, I hoped they are better than that. And there were a couple of times when people took that chance and actually made a choice to be a better person.

Now I see it as a gift (even if it seems to be quite a questionable gift, hehe) and I think it's a good base for self-growth.

I'm not sure about bad people, but I definitely can "feel" fake and insincere people. The only way I can explain it is like what they're saying is not matching the energy I feel from them, and it goes like "Error! Error!" in my mind.

 

[DogwoodTree]

The only way I can explain it is like what they're saying is not matching the energy I feel from them, and it goes like "Error! Error!" in my mind.

Very good explanation, yes. Yes, I think that is a huge part of it. Their energy doesn't match their words, and yet I'm usually so caught up in trying to perform the socializing dance and not make a misstep...that I can't take the time or mental energy away from that process long enough to really think through what feels so off or how to respond to it. And looking back later, I have to rely only on my memory of what details I caught in order to process it as best I can.