Bad interpersonal experiences

[Andrew Gorton]

As an aspie my behavior and manner has invoke some quite hostile or contemptuous reactions over the years. I can still recall these reaction, often years later, and they still make me cringe, and feel anxious.

The advice is to 'forget it and move on. You probably won't meet those people again'

It makes sense, but I can't seem to do it.
I want to know:
1) how many aspies have this and 2) how do they cope with it.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

1) how many aspies have this and 2) how do they cope with it.

1. Yes, I had it for years.
2. Difficult to answer simply.

Getting older helps.
Thinking about yourself in a more successful way helps. Meaning understanding the misunderstanding over the years.
Forgiving yourself.
Finding ways to detach more from your thoughts (meditation, tricks and habits to direct thoughts away from those types of thoughts.

Thoughts of the past dont resolve anything - so why think about it.
(Saying it is easy. It can be years before you see it working)

Track your progress (a journal app, I use) I categorise positive thoughts as well as negative.
The act of writing things down can give perspective.

The positive framing writing also has benefits as humans are naturally negative based. (A survival instinct)

 

[Aspychata]

NT's can have the same effect on people. We are memory based, our reactions are built on a myriad of emotional, physical, etc. cognitive reasoning that is impossible to quantify why someone responded to you in such a positive or negative way. I really don't take it personally.

 

[Aspychata]

There are people that responded in a positive way to you, maybe think about that, next time the negative feelings swamp you.

 

[Fino]

I do this! I still remember and cringe from things that happened in Kindergarten!

I guess I try to get my mind off it. I don't really have anything special I do about it. I guess I've accepted that it's going to be like that.

Luckily, I forget a LOT of things because of my awful short-term memory, but enough things stick to keep me occupied.

 

[stewdog80]

I think of it as a gift because you can adjust your future behavior accordingly. It is hard reliving things that happened 15 years ago but at least you won't make the same mistakes again because you have so much clarity about your past mistakes.

 

[Aspychata]

I think of it as a gift because you can adjust your future behavior accordingly. It is hard reliving things that happened 15 years ago but at least you won't make the same mistakes again because you have so much clarity about your past mistakes.

It may not have been a mistake, it was a reaction that may have nothing to do with PO. It was a internal response that may have been triggered for no quanitve reason, read my early post. l don't feel it's right to blame the PO. There are people l don't like, and there maybe nothing wrong on my part or their part, but they trigger a instant dislike in me. It's nobody's fault, it is what it is.

 

[Lysander]

I get this too. Often I'll physically flinch from the memory of something that happened years ago, that I didn't understand at the time.

I think the explanation for it may be that people tend to easily recall painful experiences. Rejection is painful, contempt is painful, and people who struggle with social cues get a lot of it sent their way. As someone with ASD, you may not understand what exactly went wrong until years later. But it was sufficiently painful to feel hated that you never forgot. However, when you do sometimes gain greater insight into an event, usually through the slow process of life experience, it feels all the more disturbing because of the time that has passed.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I get this too. My diagnosis helped a lot, as did joining communities such as this one, to understand better what happened, and to go a bit easier on myself, also as @Fridgemagnetman says, to block it from my mind and not dwell on past events - they are done, over, they can't be changed, so there's no point in dwelling on them.

 

[All-Rounder]

I think what has helped me is to actively stand up for myself so that I don't feel so much like a victim of people who take advantage of me, even if it still happens sometimes, I realize that it's not my fault and that sometimes things are out of hand. Having stood up for myself in other circumstances perhaps more manageable ones makes me not linger over failues so much.