When my PTSD is triggered, i have used thoughts of how far I have come from that injured young man, and for weak triggers it works. For my most recent meltdown I did not know how to stave off an incandescent rage and bitterness.
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Autism and unhealthy coping mechanisms
- Thread starter mysterionz
- Start date
Hi @mysterionz ,
I thought sharing with you a little about my experience with weight and eating might help you not feel so alone. I just sent you a PM with a couple of photos. (Sorry, guys!) One is my wedding photo, from when I was fit from my dressage riding days. I had the flu super bad the week before so the dress fit very well. I think I'm just below 130 in the photo. In the photos taken this morning, I'm at 175. Medically speaking, I'm obese. I'm also not fit anymore. Despite this, I try to dress in such a way that flatters my height and--as you can see--presents well professionally. I'm currently down 35 pounds from July and am working to lose another 35 by the end of spring. My peak weight was summer a year ago, when I made a half-dozen trips out of state to visit my dad, who was unwell. I apparently don't travel well--my weight shot up about 15 pounds and I topped out at 220. For my current dieting adventure, I'm not sure yet if I'm doing the ADHD elimination diet or keto--or both? Today is the big diet send-off.
I was always underweight for my height when I was a teenager. By the time my wedding photo was taken, I was living off of peanut butter & cheap, microwavable pizza (which I still like!). After I was married and had a stable income, I began putting on weight. It wasn't just having a healthier diet, it was the lack of exercise and, frankly, the stress of being married and the stress of beginning to really have to deal with a medical condition I was (up to that point) unaware of. Also, our body's metabolism slows down in our twenties. Within a few years, I was in the 150 range.
However, health can't always be measured by weight or by perceived weight. Yes, BMI is the standard indicator--but consider this. My husband took a nutrition class and I remember seeing a photo of a plump woman. The nutritionist was making this very point. For the woman's height and weight, by certain measures, she was clinically 'obese'. Yet, when her level of exercise was taken into account, and when her healthy diet and healthy lifestyle choices were also considered, she was very healthy.
That's the important consideration when thinking about weight--overall health. When I weighed 150 pounds, I was still riding once a week, chasing after riding students on Saturdays, mucking stalls, grooming horses, hiking and walking regularly, and overall enjoying an active lifestyle. (I've never been one to go after junk foods or fast food.) I didn't like my body image at that time, but I certainly was healthy.
Fast forward a couple of years. I lost 30 pounds in about four months because of illness. I was not healthy. I stopped riding because of the pain, I stopped chasing after riding students, I stopped walking, and I stopped eating. These things except for the eating happened over a longer course of time so it was barely noticeable, until one day it occurred to me how much I had withdrawn from life and how much weight I had lost so quickly. I also had a low temperature that would not break. I thought I was dying. I very probably was.
Once that was resolved, I put on a ton of weight very quickly. I don't know why. I leveled out at 180. I was semi-active, began walking regularly again, and for a time was working with my own horse. I not only couldn't drop the weight, I gained more weight! Over the next several years I rehomed the horse and began working on my BA, then my first master's, and even though I was still hiking extensively, I leveled out at 195. (Ah, not a good trend!)
About 7 years ago, my sister-in-law introduced me to the wheat belly diet. It worked for me. I dropped a stunning amount of weight in a very short time. I think I was down to 135 again. I was sleeping through the night--I was actually sleeping a full eight hours (which is unheard of--these days I get 4-6)--I stopped itching all the time, and I felt healthy. Then we had three deaths in the family in nine months and that was that.
So, hello ADHD elimination diet. It's my friend's idea. I thought I'd go along with her to encourage her, but I'm thinking of making it more severe because I am allergic to all grains in the grass family (wheat, corn, any grain that's a grass). Basically, the diet is no dairy (except butter), no fried foods, no fast foods, no junk foods, no processed foods, no red dye #40, and NO sugar! Think: lots of veggies, some whole fruits, grains in moderation, and a healthy protein--be it legumes or meat.
I think she thinks she's going to starve--poor thing!--but I've done this sort of thing before and know I can do it again. I'll come back and attach a photo or two of the meals I've made. (I don't know yet if everything I'm sauteeing is on the list or not yet.) It's kind of nice having an accountability partner when starting out on something like this. She's already been a help to me and she's only been talking about it for the past month, so I think this will be kind of fun.
Understanding your own reason why you want to be at a different weight helps, too. If it's not for health, then maybe changing your weight should be reconsidered. Although, I can't see how getting rid of all that processed stuff could ever be bad for anyone. My main reason for losing weight is health. I've been pre-diabetic for a decade and my knee gives me a lot of trouble. I have been, this past month, also started exercising more and doing stretches. (Though I'm terrible at remembering to do this.)
When I see your picture, I see someone who looks very healthy. If you, as an autistic person, have some trouble with inflexibility, change, and sensory issues regarding food, then your body metabolism's natural slowing down as you go through your twenties will be a change that very well may be much more apparent to you than to others. It will take some getting used to.
If you're still worried about your weight (& I don't know about you but I can dwell on something until I've exhausted all possible options--twice) it might help you to first write down for yourself what your thoughts are on why you want to lose weight and then to make a list with the pros and cons for each possible decision. At the least, this will give you insight into what you think. At the most, you will have it to look back on and decide whether or not you made the right decision. Self-evaluating your own decisions is just part of taking responsibility for yourself. So long as it's a healthy decision, it's going to be the right decision.
(And I suppose the culturally correct legal ramble goes in here somewhere, but frankly, most doctors I've ever consulted don't listen to a word I say, so, if the answer doesn't match the question, then what's the point? May they listen to you better.)
I hope this helps!
GypsyMoth
I thought sharing with you a little about my experience with weight and eating might help you not feel so alone. I just sent you a PM with a couple of photos. (Sorry, guys!) One is my wedding photo, from when I was fit from my dressage riding days. I had the flu super bad the week before so the dress fit very well. I think I'm just below 130 in the photo. In the photos taken this morning, I'm at 175. Medically speaking, I'm obese. I'm also not fit anymore. Despite this, I try to dress in such a way that flatters my height and--as you can see--presents well professionally. I'm currently down 35 pounds from July and am working to lose another 35 by the end of spring. My peak weight was summer a year ago, when I made a half-dozen trips out of state to visit my dad, who was unwell. I apparently don't travel well--my weight shot up about 15 pounds and I topped out at 220. For my current dieting adventure, I'm not sure yet if I'm doing the ADHD elimination diet or keto--or both? Today is the big diet send-off.
I was always underweight for my height when I was a teenager. By the time my wedding photo was taken, I was living off of peanut butter & cheap, microwavable pizza (which I still like!). After I was married and had a stable income, I began putting on weight. It wasn't just having a healthier diet, it was the lack of exercise and, frankly, the stress of being married and the stress of beginning to really have to deal with a medical condition I was (up to that point) unaware of. Also, our body's metabolism slows down in our twenties. Within a few years, I was in the 150 range.
However, health can't always be measured by weight or by perceived weight. Yes, BMI is the standard indicator--but consider this. My husband took a nutrition class and I remember seeing a photo of a plump woman. The nutritionist was making this very point. For the woman's height and weight, by certain measures, she was clinically 'obese'. Yet, when her level of exercise was taken into account, and when her healthy diet and healthy lifestyle choices were also considered, she was very healthy.
That's the important consideration when thinking about weight--overall health. When I weighed 150 pounds, I was still riding once a week, chasing after riding students on Saturdays, mucking stalls, grooming horses, hiking and walking regularly, and overall enjoying an active lifestyle. (I've never been one to go after junk foods or fast food.) I didn't like my body image at that time, but I certainly was healthy.
Fast forward a couple of years. I lost 30 pounds in about four months because of illness. I was not healthy. I stopped riding because of the pain, I stopped chasing after riding students, I stopped walking, and I stopped eating. These things except for the eating happened over a longer course of time so it was barely noticeable, until one day it occurred to me how much I had withdrawn from life and how much weight I had lost so quickly. I also had a low temperature that would not break. I thought I was dying. I very probably was.
Once that was resolved, I put on a ton of weight very quickly. I don't know why. I leveled out at 180. I was semi-active, began walking regularly again, and for a time was working with my own horse. I not only couldn't drop the weight, I gained more weight! Over the next several years I rehomed the horse and began working on my BA, then my first master's, and even though I was still hiking extensively, I leveled out at 195. (Ah, not a good trend!)
About 7 years ago, my sister-in-law introduced me to the wheat belly diet. It worked for me. I dropped a stunning amount of weight in a very short time. I think I was down to 135 again. I was sleeping through the night--I was actually sleeping a full eight hours (which is unheard of--these days I get 4-6)--I stopped itching all the time, and I felt healthy. Then we had three deaths in the family in nine months and that was that.
So, hello ADHD elimination diet. It's my friend's idea. I thought I'd go along with her to encourage her, but I'm thinking of making it more severe because I am allergic to all grains in the grass family (wheat, corn, any grain that's a grass). Basically, the diet is no dairy (except butter), no fried foods, no fast foods, no junk foods, no processed foods, no red dye #40, and NO sugar! Think: lots of veggies, some whole fruits, grains in moderation, and a healthy protein--be it legumes or meat.
I think she thinks she's going to starve--poor thing!--but I've done this sort of thing before and know I can do it again. I'll come back and attach a photo or two of the meals I've made. (I don't know yet if everything I'm sauteeing is on the list or not yet.) It's kind of nice having an accountability partner when starting out on something like this. She's already been a help to me and she's only been talking about it for the past month, so I think this will be kind of fun.
Understanding your own reason why you want to be at a different weight helps, too. If it's not for health, then maybe changing your weight should be reconsidered. Although, I can't see how getting rid of all that processed stuff could ever be bad for anyone. My main reason for losing weight is health. I've been pre-diabetic for a decade and my knee gives me a lot of trouble. I have been, this past month, also started exercising more and doing stretches. (Though I'm terrible at remembering to do this.)
When I see your picture, I see someone who looks very healthy. If you, as an autistic person, have some trouble with inflexibility, change, and sensory issues regarding food, then your body metabolism's natural slowing down as you go through your twenties will be a change that very well may be much more apparent to you than to others. It will take some getting used to.
If you're still worried about your weight (& I don't know about you but I can dwell on something until I've exhausted all possible options--twice) it might help you to first write down for yourself what your thoughts are on why you want to lose weight and then to make a list with the pros and cons for each possible decision. At the least, this will give you insight into what you think. At the most, you will have it to look back on and decide whether or not you made the right decision. Self-evaluating your own decisions is just part of taking responsibility for yourself. So long as it's a healthy decision, it's going to be the right decision.
(And I suppose the culturally correct legal ramble goes in here somewhere, but frankly, most doctors I've ever consulted don't listen to a word I say, so, if the answer doesn't match the question, then what's the point? May they listen to you better.)
I hope this helps!
GypsyMoth
Attachments
Well you are certainly not alone because I too have a big problem with seriously unhealthy eating habits as a coping mechanism because for years I was emotionally and verbally abused by my ableist father that and I also went through some horrible traumatic events both during my childhood such as losing an elderly 8 year old pet rabbit or at the very least speeding up his death because of my father choosing to not take him to the vet to get his teeth trimmed down which caused him to become malnourished because he could barely even eat properly and I was helpless to do anything. And I also lost my pet rabbit recently at a very young age when he was just 6 months old which broke me emotionally and I am still trying to deal with his sudden and tragic loss also as I am also very impulsive in general when it comes to buying things not just food I have a tendency to buy things like retro games for the gameboy that might make me happier and one of the ways I noticed that this pain tends to manifest as are are in the form of nightmares about my father abusing me which happens every once in a while and I also tend to become angry or emotionally upset more easily.
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