Asperger's and disconnection

[seanaaronfay]

Love is a weird thing. It has to go both ways, and in our cases it involves a lot of understanding and acceptance from and by these rare individuals we really like.

I have always felt uncomfortable around 99% of people and the feeling is mutual i expect. There are times i found some that actually seemed to accept me and appreciate my hidden strengths rather than focus on my evident limitations, it was great and impacted me hugely, someone who would finally like me for who i am.

BUT, my mind runs too fast, 'i like you', 'you are nice to me', 'done deal'.. Regrettably 'normal' people don't work that way. If you overwhelm them with your love/gratitude they feel its going too fast and it makes them uncomfortable, like they are just along for the ride. Desperation never sells well either. They often haven't felt the loneliness and rejection that many of us have played out in our minds over and over, trying to understand.

If you really like this woman for who she is and what she has to offer as a person and an individual (and not only because of her acceptance of you), then talk to her. It has to go both ways, if she is willing to be friends and nothing further, at least you have a friend, if you date and break up at least you had the good times together. I try to live in today (mixed success) and one of my mantras is to not worry about things/people you can't change, coulda - woulda -shoulda is an exercise in futility and frustration that leads nowhere, imo its a waste of time and a bad use of the limited energy I have to experience emotion. Focus on what you can do while respecting the other person's boundries.

Sorry for being long winded, in short talk to her and accept what she has to offer be it nothing, friendship, a short relationship or a long relationship.

I hope this was helpful even if only a bit.
Good luck

It was OlLiE, thank you. I hear what you're saying in regards to talking to her. I just feel like it wouldn't do me any good. I called her back in March and received no answer, even after I left a voicemail. Even if I texted her, I feel like I would either get no response, or I would get a response that would kind of say "I don't want to talk". Therefore, I get the feeling that I shouldn't even try. I mean, I get "how would I know if I don't try?" But I, for some reason, feel like a try in any capacity wouldn't end the way I hope it would.

 

[OlLiE]

You only have control over your own actions. You have no control over another person's reactions. If she's not replying, then that is a decision on her part, one that you ultimately have no right to question. She must have her own reasons for not replying.

The only thing I would think you could do is to communicate that you enjoyed speaking with her, that it is something you miss, that you understand that she must have her reasons for not replying, but that you hope that at some point she will contact you again, but accept that it may not happen and wish her all the best and leave it at that. You can only leave the initiative with her and accept that you have no control over the outcome.

Rejection is never fun, not understanding why is even worse. It's happened to me before, i understand its frustrating, but if you try to have a relationship with a 'normal / emotional / irrational' person you have to accept their rules and needs, including their irrationality. It's frustrating, it's hard but not letting it go is ultimately punishing yourself pointlessly for something you cannot control.

Sometimes trying to fix something actually makes it worse. If you can't change it don't worry about it, let it go, move on.

 

[seanaaronfay]

You only have control over your own actions. You have no control over another person's reactions. If she's not replying, then that is a decision on her part, one that you ultimately have no right to question. She must have her own reasons for not replying.

The only thing I would think you could do is to communicate that you enjoyed speaking with her, that it is something you miss, that you understand that she must have her reasons for not replying, but that you hope that at some point she will contact you again, but accept that it may not happen and wish her all the best and leave it at that. You can only leave the initiative with her and accept that you have no control over the outcome.

Rejection is never fun, not understanding why is even worse. It's happened to me before, i understand its frustrating, but if you try to have a relationship with a 'normal / emotional / irrational' person you have to accept their rules and needs, including their irrationality. It's frustrating, it's hard but not letting it go is ultimately punishing yourself pointlessly for something you cannot control.

Sometimes trying to fix something actually makes it worse. If you can't change it don't worry about it, let it go, move on.

That is exactly what I mean. Lacking control has always been hard for me. It's like I cannot, and will not, understand why she wouldn't be okay with talking to me again. I never did anything wrong to her. I've never said anything wrong to her either. I guess I'll never understand irrationality like this.

 

[OlLiE]

That is exactly what I mean. Lacking control has always been hard for me. It's like I cannot, and will not, understand why she wouldn't be okay with talking to me again. I never did anything wrong to her. I've never said anything wrong to her either. I guess I'll never understand irrationality like this.

one tip though, trying to exert control when the other party is uncomfortable will always backfire and be experienced as being weird, good luck, believe me there are people who accept us for who we are, focus on our hidden strengths rather than on our obvious weaknesses, all you can do is put yourself out there, hope it goes well and forget the times it doesn't and chalk it up to experience