I have been in the same job for over 20 years. I'm well established and do my job well, but conditions are sometimes stressful and my annual raise has been less than inflation for at least the last 10 years.
I have seen so many of my friends at work get better jobs somewhere else. I'm not ungrateful, but I always feel like I'm just stuck here because it's safe and stable.
Things got super stressful a few weeks ago. Basically I have 4 or 5 "bosses" all asking me to work on different "top priority" things. It got me so wound up that it ruined my sleep for a few days.
So, I started looking for other job postings. I've done this off and on a few times over the last 20 years. Every single time I consider applying for something else, going through interviews and all that, I get so anxious that I can't sleep for days. Yesterday, I put my resume in at another place and last night I couldn't stop thinking about how the interview might go, what I could say, what I should say - I couldn't get to sleep until around 1:00am (I usually go to bed between 9 and 10).
I tried to tell myself that I don't need a different job, that even if I'm rejected I still have a solid position with my current employer, that this other company might not even call me back, that I'm worrying over something that hasn't even happened. ... None of that helps. ... It's like the anxiety doesn't come from my conscious brain - it comes from a lower, instinctive level (I call it my "reptile brain"). There seems to be no reasoning with it. I can think all the peaceful or distracting thoughts I want, but part of my brain just screams, "DANGER! CHANGE! CHANGE IS DANGER!!"
Interviews always make me super anxious in the moment - I go into total fight-or-flight defensive mode. I have given up on job searches or tanked interviews in the past just to avoid feeling this. I don't know if there is any way around it but to either give up and run away again or go through it and learn to live with it.
Maybe if I interview more regularly, I'll get used to it or I will see that it's not that traumatic. I just hate having to feel like this when all I want is something a little better than what I have now.
I don't expect any solutions to come from this. I just need to rant. Maybe I'm wallowing a bit, too - I do that when I'm overtired. Seriously, interviewing is when I need to be at my best - why would my brain say, "Oh, you have a test of character coming up? No sleep for you!!!"
Alright. Rant over. You are dismissed and free to resume your lives.
I have seen so many of my friends at work get better jobs somewhere else. I'm not ungrateful, but I always feel like I'm just stuck here because it's safe and stable.
Things got super stressful a few weeks ago. Basically I have 4 or 5 "bosses" all asking me to work on different "top priority" things. It got me so wound up that it ruined my sleep for a few days.
So, I started looking for other job postings. I've done this off and on a few times over the last 20 years. Every single time I consider applying for something else, going through interviews and all that, I get so anxious that I can't sleep for days. Yesterday, I put my resume in at another place and last night I couldn't stop thinking about how the interview might go, what I could say, what I should say - I couldn't get to sleep until around 1:00am (I usually go to bed between 9 and 10).
I tried to tell myself that I don't need a different job, that even if I'm rejected I still have a solid position with my current employer, that this other company might not even call me back, that I'm worrying over something that hasn't even happened. ... None of that helps. ... It's like the anxiety doesn't come from my conscious brain - it comes from a lower, instinctive level (I call it my "reptile brain"). There seems to be no reasoning with it. I can think all the peaceful or distracting thoughts I want, but part of my brain just screams, "DANGER! CHANGE! CHANGE IS DANGER!!"
Interviews always make me super anxious in the moment - I go into total fight-or-flight defensive mode. I have given up on job searches or tanked interviews in the past just to avoid feeling this. I don't know if there is any way around it but to either give up and run away again or go through it and learn to live with it.
Maybe if I interview more regularly, I'll get used to it or I will see that it's not that traumatic. I just hate having to feel like this when all I want is something a little better than what I have now.
I don't expect any solutions to come from this. I just need to rant. Maybe I'm wallowing a bit, too - I do that when I'm overtired. Seriously, interviewing is when I need to be at my best - why would my brain say, "Oh, you have a test of character coming up? No sleep for you!!!"
Alright. Rant over. You are dismissed and free to resume your lives.
