Anniversaries are dumb

[Streetwise]

Ten years isn't really an accomplishment, it's just nice to think back on how long you've been together and all the stuff you've shared in that time. Ten years is absolutely more of a big deal than one year, and not because you're amazed that you lasted that long - more that it's fantastic that you've gotten to be with that one person all that time. I respect my partner, and I always hoped when we first got together that we'd be together forever, but ultimately nobody has a crystal ball and anything could have potentially happened.

Luckily, it didn't and we've been together 11 years on Friday and married 6 years on Saturday. We buy each other a card for our wedding anniversary and we'll get a takeaway, but we don't buy presents as neither of us really see the need.

pen-blwydd Hapus priodas
for non Welsh speakers it says happy wedding anniversary

 

[Streetwise]

joyeux anniversaire de mariage tardif-
happy belated wedding anniversary

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Ten years isn't really an accomplishment, it's just nice to think back on how long you've been together and all the stuff you've shared in that time. Ten years is absolutely more of a big deal than one year, and not because you're amazed that you lasted that long - more that it's fantastic that you've gotten to be with that one person all that time. I respect my partner, and I always hoped when we first got together that we'd be together forever, but ultimately nobody has a crystal ball and anything could have potentially happened.

Luckily, it didn't and we've been together 11 years on Friday and married 6 years on Saturday. We buy each other a card for our wedding anniversary and we'll get a takeaway, but we don't buy presents as neither of us really see the need.

For us it has been 11 years through marriage, and 14 years since we first met, though time seems to have gone by much quicker than that. I still remember our own wedding day vividly, as there were only two others in attendance. As the attention thus was not on many others, and pleasing them, we remembered more about how we thought and felt that day, and in terms of the other relaxing sights and sounds too.

 

[Streetwise]

joyeux anniversaire de mariage tardif-
happy belated wedding anniversary

Celebrated my thirty-third anniversary a few days ago. I celebrate it in some way; going on a picnic, making a cake, a restaurant meal, something to mark that day a long time ago where I wore a wedding dress and carried flowers and my husband wore a suit. Where we promised to care for and love one another in front of several hundred people.

It's the promise that I celebrate, the oath that I took. As an Aspie I keep my word, which is important to me. Promises are not something people consider important, but I do. Marriages are and can be complex things, they require a lifetime of working at a relationship, to understand one another, to get along, to continue to care for one another during fights, misunderstandings, sickness, anger, loss. Many people give up, divorce or separate, for their own complex or simple reasons.

I've worked so hard to understand another person for such a long time, that even when I'm angry at him, I still care for him. I celebrate not giving up and I celebrate being with a person I couldn't possibly live without. Someone who cares for and sees me for exactly who I am, and who I see and care for as exactly who he is. That is something to commemorate.

a Jewish wedding anniversary
song of songs or Solomon
Iam my beloveds and my beloved is mine
song of Solomon 6:3 KJV

 

[Chance]

I think they are taxing! Anniversaries, birthdays, weddings, funerals, thanksgiving, Christmas, so much more is expected and its just all these people and useless gifts, and fake smiles finished with latter snarky remarks... Getting into clothes I hate, so I can look nice, then going out into all these loud places.

I go and participate in limited form, and then just find a place to hide out mostly, or get in the car and go for a long drive by myself or with a friend... Let them say what they want. I don't understand the need for a bunch of people to gather and then usually gripe about the time they had, and how they hate the gifts they got... its just meaningless to me.

Im the guy who would love for people to just be real, do what they want, no expectations, no person pushing and shoving their agenda on everyone else... its supposed to be a celebration, not a forced event of expectations. I can celebrate sitting on a pier, or around a campfire, with just a few friends, some drinks and snacks and no expectations, no gifts, just be real and I am good with any of that.

How about just the unexpected date night, no plans, just go and see whats out there... These are the best times I have, and mostly I have to plan everything, but sometimes you just do the unexpected and people are usually plenty shocked and they smile... and thats the only gift I ever look for.

 

[Judge]

To me, social rituals potentially involving many people as opposed to only two are a completely different matter. Ones I tend to refrain from as much as is possible. Yes- they ARE "taxing".

I'm usually ok with a few people in my immediate orbit. But never a roomful of them. Even under the most positive of circumstances. That I chalk up to being on the spectrum for sure.

 

[Chance]

The fuss people can choose to make if an Anniversary is forgotten by a significant other..... now that's "dumb" imho
In my very limited and very personal opinion.

I have totally forgotten, had to be reminded by my sister-in-law who was angry at me, and it wasn't a good thing... Now every year I hear the words, "so you didn't forget this one.. who reminded you?" Not a joke...
I may not like "celebrating" but don't ever forget it. You never live it down.

 

[Bolletje]

I wouldn't get upset with my boyfriend for forgetting our anniversary, he can't help the fact that I have an eidetic memory and he's a tad chaotic. Him not remembering doesn't mean he doesn't care, he just sucks at dates. I don't need presents either, I just want to take a moment to smile about all that has happened since that day.

I usually remind him of the anniversary on the date itself, we get a nice bottle of wine, good food, and, if we have the time, play some video games. That's all I want from my anniversaries.

 

[Laurizzle]

Dumb is in the eye of the beholder

 

[Keigan]

My birthday anniversary is no big deal, 29 and holding - that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

[sidamo]

I prefer to be alone, on the road to someplace, when it's my birthday and over the past years I've been very lucky that a Polish conference I attend to usually starts right after so indeed I am abroad that day, alone or with just one travel companion who does not care whose birthday it might be. Brilliant. I feel happy and carefree without all the social fuss that would otherwise ruin the day.

 

[Lydia]

From a 'NT' perspective it's not celebrating that you've managed to get through another year, but rather it is celebrating that you are lucky to have this person in your life for yet another year..hurray

 

[Leelu]

I feel the same way about birthdays. I don't understand why people make such a big fuss about them and especially why anyone goes to the extent of throwing themselves a party (my cousin and her husband just threw themselves a 50th birthday party that required people to travel halfway across the US, which totally perplexed me) or making sure everyone around them knows it's their birthday.

Neither my Husband or I do much more than have a nice dinner on ours and really it's an excuse to eat somewhere we wouldn't normally splurge on or do something out of the ordinary (for a while I tried to experience a different mode of transportation every year: steam train, hot air balloon, boat, kayak, roller coaster). No gifts though and no parties. My birthdate isn't even on any of my social media accts.

Anniversaries are kind of the same. Husband and I try to thank and show appreciation for each other in daily life, but used to go on vacation (back when we could afford it) around our anniversary but that was also because October is a beautiful month and crowds have died down since kids are back in school so it's much more relaxing.

Lastly I'll admit I feel a similar annoyance for holidays. So many things you're expected to do, it is utterly exhausting and in the end I rarely enjoy them. I like New Years mostly because it's a new start and the end of the holiday season!

My parents get on my case because we rarely put up a Christmas tree but to me I think of all the effort and it feels like a waste of time, money and the life of a tree. I'd rather do it once every 5 years when I'm in the mood to appreciate it rather than doing it because it's what others do.

 

[Grandmother B]

Does anyone else think anniversaries are dumb? Like, you're celebrating being in a relationship with someone for a set amount of time, like it was an accomplishment. Is it such a hardship to be with someone, that you need to count the months and years? I think it's stupid. If you have someone you care about/love, then it shouldn't matter how long you've been together. Why is ten years more of an accomplishment than one year; did you not think you could make it that long? It makes me think that people don't respect their partner or themselves to think they could stay together.

It IS an accomplishment to stay together for many years. I don't know if you are in a relationship; but if you are, you are incredibly lucky that it's not great accomplishment. It is very hard to live with another person's eccentricities sometimes, their habits that are different from yours, and all the ups and downs that come with just living. It means each side giving 100% and that is not always easy. So no, anniversaries are not dumb. If you think they are, you are free to not celebrate them. But not everyone feels that way.

 

[ImAnAspie]

I think, being in a relationship is just straight up dumb.

I think anniversaries are a way to compete with others, how long you can put up with another stupid human being!

 

[Servelan]

Does anyone else think anniversaries are dumb? Like, you're celebrating being in a relationship with someone for a set amount of time, like it was an accomplishment. Is it such a hardship to be with someone, that you need to count the months and years? I think it's stupid. If you have someone you care about/love, then it shouldn't matter how long you've been together. Why is ten years more of an accomplishment than one year; did you not think you could make it that long? It makes me think that people don't respect their partner or themselves to think they could stay together.

I think we celebrate anniversaries more as milestones, like birthdays. 'Gee, made it another year!' in spite of all the things life throws at us. It's a way of commemorating the past and making a kind of commitment to the future, too.

 

[dragonwolf]

I think, being in a relationship is just straight up dumb.

I think anniversaries are a way to compete with others, how long you can put up with another stupid human being!

I'm not competing with anyone when it comes to my anniversaries...

For those that think living with someone is so easy that they think it's dumb to celebrate, be thankful for being so fortunate.

For me, it's a celebration of making it through what life has thrown at us, of enduring together things that could have split us apart (and have nearly done so).

We've been married 11 years, and yeah, for us that's a hell of an accomplishment. My best friend of ten years hasn't spoken to me after we lived together for about two as house mates. Living together is hard, for me at least. Add on the challenges of marriage and romantic relationships, plus the autism on my part and the anxiety on my husband's (then our son's autism)? You can bet we're going to celebrate each year.

But celebrating doesn't have to be some big party with a dozen or more people. In fact, our wedding wasn't even that big (the reception was, only because my mother in law insisted on it, but we were happy getting married at the Justice of the Peace with a couple of our friends at the time). Celebrating for us is usually something quiet together, just the two of us.

 

[LostInSilentHill]

You do not seem to be getting the agreement that you asked for in your start of this thread. By now you might be feeling dumb yourself. Don't sweat it. Most of us have times when what goes out from us is not what we actually meant.

I admit my wording was off; I tend to have words come off wrong when I don't mean to. I meant it to be more of a question of why as opposed to just stating my opinion. I am glad people have explained this to me, as no one has ever bothered to explain the reasoning behind anniversaries. I will take the idea of anniversaries in the future as a time to reflect.

No, I am not, nor have I ever been in a relationship, but I have witnessed people reacting badly to things not being extravagant or romantic enough and, in turn, getting angry at their partner. Also, people get very upset if it is forgotten. It seemed like a huge hassle and quite pointless from my perspective.

 

[S-Head]

Anniversaries are a very NT concept. A very social concept.

Cynically you might say they are just an excuse to party. Or eat candy, like kay says. But we all need to party and eat candy or get drunk or have a feast of food. Once in a while. But not every day.

Being AS I don't treat it as seriously as others, but I think they're fun and I like to partake in the events.

In the end, embrace the social part of it. At least you know that each anniversary will happen on a certain day and only once per year, so it's not a surprise. Put them on your phone's calendar and you have a reminder ahead of time for each one. Facebook handles it too.

 

[Thursday]

I admit my wording was off; I tend to have words come off wrong when I don't mean to. I meant it to be more of a question of why as opposed to just stating my opinion. I am glad people have explained this to me, as no one has ever bothered to explain the reasoning behind anniversaries. I will take the idea of anniversaries in the future as a time to reflect.

No, I am not, nor have I ever been in a relationship, but I have witnessed people reacting badly to things not being extravagant or romantic enough and, in turn, getting angry at their partner. Also, people get very upset if it is forgotten. It seemed like a huge hassle and quite pointless from my perspective.

Hey, I think it's great that there's even a discussion about it. It's better than talking about the weather! But really, I learned new things here so I'm glad you opened the topic.

I never understood that part about extravagance myself. I'm thinking that the people who equate celebrations only to something monetary and the like are also the ones who do not understand the meaning of such events. While it's not bad to enjoy a gift when it is given, it's just using the other person if it's only the object or appearances (a brag to friends kind of deal) that matters. Anniversaries can be as grand as a trip to another country or as simple as a greeting, but the true enjoyment of it comes from it's intangible significance.

Celebrations are different when it comes to kids though, birthdays/Christmas/graduation/etc. are kind of their time to get their favorite stuff so...I support that. Not saying that only kids don't "get" it though. Not everyone needs a reason for it, but some do.