Advice about speaking

[LostInSilentHill]

Hey, I need some advice.

People get upset with me a lot. That they get too lost in conversation with me. I know I tend to switch topics a lot, but I also seem to speak half sentences. Like, in my mind it makes sense and I say it out loud, but no one else knows what I'm talking about. Am I not speaking 100% of my sentence? Sometimes I know I do but people still seem lost at times. I'm not sure what to do to fix it.

 

[dragoncat16]

If you honestly don't know why someone doesn't understand what you are saying in a conversation, and you think your sentences are complete, perhaps try recording yourself a few times. When you listen to it afterwards, maybe you will get insight on whether you are missing things out.

 

[Judge]

I can only say that sometimes my thoughts get far ahead of my words and that at some point I am speaking in "half sentences". Though I often have trouble hearing myself as there's a delay of sorts which keeps me from rectifying what I might have made confusing to whomever I'm talking to.

 

[Suzanne]

I am afraid there is no advice this aspie can give, because I am accused of the same thing, by my husband. He says he cannot keep up with me and then gets angry and says: for goodness sake: one thing at a time and I do try, but a thought pops into my mind and I blurt it out.

He also says that I do not make that much sense half the time, but to me I do and in truth, others I speak to, I do!

 

[Gritches]

If I'm understanding what you're talking about correctly, I do this when I'm speaking "off the cuff" sometimes. I have to make sure I'm fully forming my sentences before I speak them. To buy the time in which to do this, I often use what I call "micro-stalls".

A "micro-stall" is just any sort of hand gesture, stalling word or words (such as "well..."), or better yet taking a sip of water or a drag off a cigarette strategically timed for when it's about to be your turn. Example:

NT: "So I went to the zoo the other day, and you will not believe it, they have a new tapir exhibit!"
me: *sip of water with my index finger in the air while I think of how the hell to respond to that in a complete thought with a complete sentence*...*got it*
me: "Did they make it big enough? I hate how some zoos make the exhibits so small, it seems kind of cruel to the animals." Nailed it.

So the lesson is that if you're having trouble using half-sentences because you're rushed, try controlling the actual speed/pace of the conversation to the degree that you're comfortable and capable.

 

[the_tortoise]

Sometimes I leave out key parts of a story or idea and I don't notice, because the story or idea is all in the information dense form of experience-film and/or visual-spatial schematics and I forget bits in the process of translation.

Sometimes I just don't know exactly what does and does not need to be explained to someone, and I leave things out because it does not occur to me that they are necessary or relevent.

 

[WereBear]

My big thing is to leave out the middle part. Leaving my audience wondering how in the heck we got from A to Z without knowing the in-between...

 

[kay]

I apparently tend to forget to tell the first part of whatever I am saying and then in the middle of what I do say toss in "random"things. Though to me it all makes sense. Sorry I don't know a fix. People who are use to me have sorta learned how to handle it, they say things like,"wait, where was this, and who was there, and what day?" and then after I answer, "oh!, ok, now that makes more sense!" and that's just the flow of the conversation. Guess some people find me too annoying to bother with, but, oh well. Don't know what to do about it.

 

[the_tortoise]

I apparently tend to forget to tell the first part of whatever I am saying and then in the middle of what I do say toss in "random"things.

Like tangenets?

I forgot about tangents.....I go off on a lot of tangents, that also causes confusion for people; Particularly when I forget whatever I had started talking about in the first place -- I don't always circle back to the original topic/story/idea (and might not finish all of the new topics/stories/ideas I branch off into, if I start lots of new tangential offshoots).

 

[OkRad]

I traded Freedom of Speech for Freedom of Listening.

 

[LostInSilentHill]

Thanks everyone for the responses. It has given me some things to consider. It's also nice to know that this is more common among aspies than I initially thought.

 

[Pariah Dog]

I guess this likely may be an aspie issue. Speaking is no strong suit of time. I tend to speak too quickly and sometimes don't really pronounce the last syllable of a word. Hearing a recording of myself can be disheartening.

 

[Suzanne]

I just remembered that I am terrible for "telling a story". If I am asked something, I feel that I need to say A, in order to get to C, but need then to add B and oh, you now need D. Sort of thing.

I am unable to summerise. So what I do, because I can become horribly aware that I am over talking, especially when the one listening is showing nothing on their face. I will say: you probably will regret asking, because I can't summerise and they usually laugh and somehow I get away with it.

Recently, I was told that when I get into conversation with someone, to say I have aspergers and I can overtalk and please, let me know if I am over talking? Interesting and shall give that a go.

 

[convallaria]

I just remembered that I am terrible for "telling a story". If I am asked something, I feel that I need to say A, in order to get to C, but need then to add B and oh, you now need D. Sort of thing.

I have the same problem as yours. it’s hard to tell a story when you don’t know what details is matter and what is not. I can forget to say about really matter part of story because of it.