There are few things I hate more in this world than double standards and hypocrisy, no matter what of life it is.
It seems to me they are especially prevalent when it comes to dating, and I’d like to share some examples.
The first example - as supportive as this forum is of me, my sincere gratitude, I’ve noticed people post on here, even ask me directly, what I can offer a woman, a woman has her goals, her dreams.
Okay, what about my goals and my dreams? What can a partner do for me? How many women have even considered doing something for me? It hasn’t been many.
That's for her to worry about and for you to qualify. That's the problem here, you're playing along with the narrative. You shouldn't. What DO you want from a partner? List it out, you get to choose, you're not obliged to go along with the first person who likes you. But if the only standard you have is that they like you, well then yeah, it's all down to what you bring to the table. What that woman did on the second date would, to me, be a red flag large enough to soft-cancel any thoughts of a relationship. But then again I'm pretty much done with drama, so maybe I'm a bit intolerant.
And I’m not talking about giving me something of monetary value. The only thing I want from a woman is her.
Regardless of the sort of person they are, what they've done, their opinions, their experiences? I mean if you're up for a few flings, fair play, but you want to marry them, right? So how do you think it's going to feel, as that potential life partner, to know the only thing that mattered about you was that you had a vagina? Reckon that feels like you matter?
Get some standards for yourself and this problem goes away too. It doesn't have to be crazy standards, but things like: looks after themselves and their hygiene, curious about the world, not overly defensive or argumentative, etc..
Another one I see a lot, saying women aren’t objects, they much discourage use of language perceived as objectifying women.
That’s all great until I know women objectify men, that they size them up within seconds of meeting them if they’ll ever sleep with them or not.
You don’t want to be objectified? You want men to see you as people? That’s cool, just don’t objectify us or doom us within of even meeting us, without even knowing what kind of person we even are.
If we value looks into a partner, men are shallow, but women are just going for ‘attractiveness.’
Don't even bother. One thing I've learned is that many(most?) people will use every scrap of evidence or leverage to portray themselves as deserving something. You are utterly free to size people up as you see fit. They're not obliged to find you a great guy, but you do you. If you want to go for women based on whether you find them attractive in 2 seconds, you can. You might find you don't get the type of partner you're looking for, so might need to re-evaluate your approach, but it doesn't come from a rule book on how you must think. That book doesn't exist. Who cares if some random woman thinks you are shallow? You do you.
To help give me some more fulfillment, I’m wanting to donate to a sperm bank and father a child, and hopefully have some kind of relationship with said child at some point in my life.
I don't find this a good idea at all. Sorry.
I saw a YouTube commenter lashing out accusing a donor of entitlement and the mother gets to decide which sperm to use for good genetics.
But the mother is entitled to good genetics for the child, then? Is that right?
Then don't donate sperm and you won't have to worry about what people who give and receive sperm think about.
I’d just thought I’d point some of this out, because I’m ready to love someone, give my heart to her and for her to take advantage of whatever good qualities I might have - but very few do and not for long.
And it doesn’t help having to wade through all of this while being on the spectrum and double standards existing in the world of dating.
Take advantage? Why would they do that? I mean if that's what you're into, fine....
There is no rule book. There are no "standards" to have double. These women are looking for their partner, they are as packed with biases and weird stuff as all the guys. They post-hoc rationalise this by grasping on a bunch of sociological memes about what
should happen and what they are entitled to as a way of making sense of things. Decide what you want, screen for that, disqualify people. If you want to be "shallow" go ahead, you're not obliged to be super thoughtful. Of course, make sure it's consensual, but free yourself from this feeling of playing a role.
like you i was oblivious and suddenly I was a few seconds from a trip to the hospital. That's when autism can get you in trouble! Yes eyes down is the safest way, but that's letting the covert bullies win. I'm an observer however people can assume I'm a jerk..
