As I mentioned previously, I am in a new play. This one has a lot of kids, and kids, as everyone knows, are wiggly and won't stay still long. But there is one little boy who is so beyond ADHD he makes everyone else look like they are on Prozac. He has some kind of syndrome; I overheard his mother say something to another cast member tonight but only caught the end of it. It's not Asperger's, though.
I have a difficult time being around this kid, and I think it is because of the experiences I had growing up. It is hard for me to sit quietly and listen to him being told yet again for the hundreth time to sit down, to not climb on the seats, to do this, to not do that. Because when I was his age, I didn't get told a hundred times to do something or not do something. I got told twice. And if I had to be told twice I knew exactly what would be waiting when I got home, and it wouldn't be a bedtime story. Not that I was a perfect little kid. I felt that wooden paddle more times than I can count. But there would only be one rehearsal where I acted up the way this kid does. Because back in the bad old days there was this concept of being mature enough to be part of something like this, and if you were not mature enough, you were not allowed to be part of it. Nowadays we have to be more inclusive and sensitive.
Now I am not saying this kid's parents let him do what he pleases. On the contrary, they are worn out--and so is the director--with constantly reprimanding him. It doesn't help that the other children egg him on. But this is what gets me. They then turn around and hug him! They tell him how much they love him, and so on and so forth. If the director told me to do something and I did not do it and was asked to leave the stage as a result, I could not run to my parents and expect hugs and kisses and oh, we love you, you are such a good girl. No, indeedy. Not at that moment! So maybe I am a little jealous of this little boy.
But maybe not. I didn't get all the mushy gushy reaffirming stuff, but I got something maybe a little more valuable in the adult world. I learned self-discipline. I learned that there were consequences to my behavior and that if I wanted certain privileges I had to earn them. As a result, I can support myself; in all my years of employment I have only been fired once and that was a job I was going to quit anyway. I have learned that sometimes you have to do things you don't like just so you can get to do the things you do like.
But what is this little boy learning? That because of his syndrome, whatever it is, he has pretty much a free pass on behavior? Yes, there are consequences, but they are minor and temporary and anyway, mommy and daddy are always there with a hug and a kiss. No doubt his needs are being accommodated to in school as well. But where will he be when he reaches his fifties? How many jobs will he have gone through because employers aren't going to be so willing to put up with his lack of discipline and unwillingness to follow simple instructions, if he's never learned that?
I do hope the next few weeks can bring about a miracle and that somehow, somewhere he can be reached. Because while this is a play, this is not a game, and it calls for the utmost discipline. All the kids are learning this, that you can't leave the stage whenever you want because you are thirsty or need to use the restroom, that there are times that you must keep as absolutely quiet backstage as possible, and to leave the prop table alone. For some of these kids, I think it is the first time such demands have been placed upon them, judging from their reaction. But they will eventually master them as well as their lines, and in the end feel pride in their accomplishment.
I have a difficult time being around this kid, and I think it is because of the experiences I had growing up. It is hard for me to sit quietly and listen to him being told yet again for the hundreth time to sit down, to not climb on the seats, to do this, to not do that. Because when I was his age, I didn't get told a hundred times to do something or not do something. I got told twice. And if I had to be told twice I knew exactly what would be waiting when I got home, and it wouldn't be a bedtime story. Not that I was a perfect little kid. I felt that wooden paddle more times than I can count. But there would only be one rehearsal where I acted up the way this kid does. Because back in the bad old days there was this concept of being mature enough to be part of something like this, and if you were not mature enough, you were not allowed to be part of it. Nowadays we have to be more inclusive and sensitive.
Now I am not saying this kid's parents let him do what he pleases. On the contrary, they are worn out--and so is the director--with constantly reprimanding him. It doesn't help that the other children egg him on. But this is what gets me. They then turn around and hug him! They tell him how much they love him, and so on and so forth. If the director told me to do something and I did not do it and was asked to leave the stage as a result, I could not run to my parents and expect hugs and kisses and oh, we love you, you are such a good girl. No, indeedy. Not at that moment! So maybe I am a little jealous of this little boy.
But maybe not. I didn't get all the mushy gushy reaffirming stuff, but I got something maybe a little more valuable in the adult world. I learned self-discipline. I learned that there were consequences to my behavior and that if I wanted certain privileges I had to earn them. As a result, I can support myself; in all my years of employment I have only been fired once and that was a job I was going to quit anyway. I have learned that sometimes you have to do things you don't like just so you can get to do the things you do like.
But what is this little boy learning? That because of his syndrome, whatever it is, he has pretty much a free pass on behavior? Yes, there are consequences, but they are minor and temporary and anyway, mommy and daddy are always there with a hug and a kiss. No doubt his needs are being accommodated to in school as well. But where will he be when he reaches his fifties? How many jobs will he have gone through because employers aren't going to be so willing to put up with his lack of discipline and unwillingness to follow simple instructions, if he's never learned that?
I do hope the next few weeks can bring about a miracle and that somehow, somewhere he can be reached. Because while this is a play, this is not a game, and it calls for the utmost discipline. All the kids are learning this, that you can't leave the stage whenever you want because you are thirsty or need to use the restroom, that there are times that you must keep as absolutely quiet backstage as possible, and to leave the prop table alone. For some of these kids, I think it is the first time such demands have been placed upon them, judging from their reaction. But they will eventually master them as well as their lines, and in the end feel pride in their accomplishment.
