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My problems

Hi All, this was posted on the ABC Open and I thought I would share it with you. A Difficult Time


I agree with the words of Temple Gradin, a fellow Asperger’s sufferer, when she writes in her book. "The way I see it, one can learn social skills." This is true, as I have managed to learn many skills over the years.

However, because I suffered with Asperger’s, school was a difficult period in my life. Looking back on my childhood, it was perfectly obvious that I had a learning impediment. No one understood me, except my family, and I had, and still have, trouble expressing myself or socialising with my peers.

Back then, there were no labels or diagnostic tests for my odd behaviour and learning difficulties and the term “she’s a slow learner” soon became a catchword for everything connected with me.

In one school, a teacher asked me to find out the time. Happy to help the teacher I went into the hall to look, but the clock did not tell me the time, it just had numbers on it. Feeling foolish and hoping the teacher would come and rescue me, I waited.

Soon school ended for the day and the children came running out chatting and laughing at the thought of going home. The strange little girl waiting outside the classroom made them laugh and, instead of being kind, they made fun of me because I could not tell the time.

Terrified because I could not tell the time, I had stayed where I was. When the teacher came out of the classroom, she looked surprised and asked why I was standing in the hall.

Although learning basic concepts improved over the years, I could never reach a compromise with arithmetic, no matter how hard I tried. In fact, one year, I went through the whole of my holidays practicing the times tables until I was completely sure I would never forget them. When I returned to school I felt quite smug and was totally convinced I knew the multiplication tables of by heart.

“I will show them how clever I am,” I thought.

However, as soon as I sat down at my desk with those dreaded sums, my mind went completely blank. The stupid tables were gone and I could not believe it! Only that morning I had recited them faithfully on the way to school. It was as though I had poured water into my brain and the numbers had trickled away. What a waste of time. I could have been having fun in the fields or paddling in my river instead.

Other things that might seem odd about me is I cannot understand much of the small talk that goes on between people, but I have learned how to greet people; a recent thing. I have learned that when I am asked the question like...

How was your day?

I am supposed to reply with an answer and a question such as...

Fine, thank you, and yours?

Not spend ten minutes telling them all about my day, as I sometimes do.

Well, they do ask.

Comments

Us aspies tend to want to explain too much, not enough, or too much about ourselves only. One thing that helps me is imagining all of the people you do or can meet in a day if you're walking around, even if you don't talk with any of those people whether it be who you buy stuff from in a store, other employees in an establishment, people you communicate with online, through the telephone, if you take public transportation, etc. If all these people asked you if about your day and vice versa, and everyone responded with a 10 minute response, would we get anything productive accomplished? Those sacred 10 minutes are to be reserved for someone you know can be called friend. We don't always make the right choices to who we think is a friend, but we do need to be aware, try to learn from our experiences, and to never give up.
 
I hate to give a reply without adding substantial context information because it feels like the other person will not understand me and I have had (until now) a strong urge to look normal or at least psychologically healthy. I have also discovered that discussing my problems many times over a long period is not good for me.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look normal or not or think about problems more or less as long as it isn't harming or stressing you or others out unreasonably. Good luck Toponoetikos!
 

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cairnsbird
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