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Lonely

I feel like there is no "planet" that i belong to other then being on one totally by myself. No matter where I go to try to talk to others that have the same interests as me, i never really feel like i am "part of the group". i always feel like i am on the outside looking in, watching the world live their lives. never really understanding the world i live in. never really understanding "NORMAL" social interactions and how i am supposed to react and respond in those situations. i don't feel like i fit in the gaming community. i don't feel like i fit in the car community. i don't even feel like i fit in the church community. I don't even feel like i can hang out with other "Aspies" and fit in and that was one place i though i COULD go and be accepted. my whole life i have felt like there was some kind of mistake about what planet i was on or atleast the form in which i live (human). the more isolated i become, the more i start thinking that this life isn't worth the constant fight. the constant struggle in day to day life. the more i watch everyone around me getting to go places, hanging out with friends and having fun as well as not having the constant struggle every single day while i sit in this dumpy ass trailer park alone at night, the more i wish i could check out of this life for good but know i can't because my mom would follow me. I sit here most nights on the brink of a complete meltdown thinking about everything i wanted to do in this life and i can't even find a job. My own family, except my mom, has turned their backs on me because my mom and me are "man haters" which isn't even true. They got their information from someone that took something my mom said on the radio way out of context and turned it against us. I try to start my own "business" to bring in some extra bucks and can't get payment for some of the things i make. i sometimes forget to eat because i am so consumed with everything wrong in my life and there is no way to fix it. I have prayed endlessly and tried really hard to keep faith in God and the only answer i get is another door slamming in my face without another one opening. I wonder if things will ever get better. i wonder if my whole life is supposed to be a struggle just like my mom's was except i have a handicap and she doesn't. I can't even get help diagnosing my "handicap" much less other resources to help me make it. I don't know how much longer i can survive like this before i have a complete meltdown and completely loose my mind to where my mom has to commit me. I see no other escape!

Comments

B
Dear Butterfly_Lady,

That's a lovely name by the way, very well chosen! :)

You're not alone. I used to be terrified of leaving the house because I was badly bullied. What I would suggest to you is that you ask your mom if she would like to take a walk. Get into a routine of walking everyday. The exercise will release a hormone called endorphins. Endorphins are good because they can make you happy. Whilst you are walking, chat with your mom. The mixture of exercise, fresh air and opening up to her will help you put things in perspective.

As a child I believed that I was the only person on earth and that everyone around me were robots.

As for the job, I'm afraid you will just have to keep looking. Until then, there are other things you can do to make yourself feel better. Perhaps you could go to the local elderly people's home and offer to read everyday to them. If you are good with children, you could make a leaflet child minding and post it through people's doors. If you like dogs, you could walk some of your neighbors for a bit of money. If you are good at housework, offer to clean people's houses. It will get you out and you could earn some money.

Hope I helped! God bless. xx
 
Butterfly_Lady
:) Thank you for the tips. i am not afraid to go out by myself though. i do start up conversations with random people. just the way i was raised. my mom has always done it so i guess i kinda picked up on it. I do try to go out walking and it certainly does help. there are times when i know i need to go out walking and so i do before i get to feeling any worse.

About the elderly people's home, it would just remind me too much of my grandmother who passed on 8 years ago. Never been very good with kids, cleaning houses or dogs other then my own (when i had one).

I still really appreciate your tips. i will keep them in mind.
 
B
Oh right, sorry :p

Well they were just ideas. I meant really anything that you enjoy doing. I think there's something out there for everyone.

Hope you feel better in time.
 
imagesbyholly
BlondieSmith;bt1036 said:
Dear Butterfly_Lady,

That's a lovely name by the way, very well chosen! :)

You're not alone. I used to be terrified of leaving the house because I was badly bullied. What I would suggest to you is that you ask your mom if she would like to take a walk. Get into a routine of walking everyday. The exercise will release a hormone called endorphins. Endorphins are good because they can make you happy. Whilst you are walking, chat with your mom. The mixture of exercise, fresh air and opening up to her will help you put things in perspective.

As a child I believed that I was the only person on earth and that everyone around me were robots.

As for the job, I'm afraid you will just have to keep looking. Until then, there are other things you can do to make yourself feel better. Perhaps you could go to the local elderly people's home and offer to read everyday to them. If you are good with children, you could make a leaflet child minding and post it through people's doors. If you like dogs, you could walk some of your neighbors for a bit of money. If you are good at housework, offer to clean people's houses. It will get you out and you could earn some money.

Hope I helped! God bless. xx
Click to expand...


Wow, BlondieSmith! I thought my family were robots too! When I was five- something went wrong in my mind. I had always felt normal before that. Thanks for sharing!
 

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Butterfly_Lady
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