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Guess i'm not worth it but that shouldn't really be a surprise at this point

Apparently I'm not worth waiting for. I work 10-7 on Saturday, Christmas Eve, and mom doesn't want to move the meal to Christmas Day so we can all eat together, nor does she want to have it later so we can all eat together. I mean its bad enough I miss family time on X-mas eve, she usually has something for us to do, like last year we had snack food and a movie. We never do family stuff anymore. She literally told me that I can just heat up leftovers when I get home from work. Its like wow, I know what I'm worth now. She always makes a big deal out of having everyone home for the holiday meals, but I guess if its just me that'll miss it, then it doesn't really matter. But that should be expected, at this point, I guess. But then again I don't think I'll be missing much. Thanksgiving dinner was filled with silence and it was all over in like ten minutes. No one spoke a word and it was awkward as hell. I couldn't believe I'd been looking forward to it when it was all said and done.

I just miss being a little kid again. Ignorance really is bliss, you know? I didn't realize how conditional mom's love was or how wrong her behavior was/is and we actually did have family time back then sometimes. Not often, hardly ever, but it happened. I miss it. I miss being young. I've grown up to be nothing but a failure. **** up, really.

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Author
Kari Suttle
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1 min read
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