Hi my name is Shelby and I'm an addict

12: If giving attention to what is broken is helping it break even further than what can we give our attention to now that will help it continue healing?
12a: definitely being more kind to myself. That and learning how to give myself grace when I f**k up.
13: Give three examples of things that occurred in your past that you can easily do better now because you're a better person.
13a: I got kicked out of my last apartment because I didn't pick up the dog dookie. Now I would just do it but see I was so high at the time that I didn't even want to go outside.
Obviously I wouldn't have taken the offer to get high in the first place had I been back in that situation again
Can't really think of a good third situation but I understand that I have grown and I'm feeling that right now.
14: Who are the top five people that deserve to be in your life today?
-my roommate
-Wendy
-Jessica
-my dog
-kohdi the creator of beyond sober? Couldn't really think of a fifth.

Shelby 1/10/24 1:16pm

15: Name three powerful things that you would like to stop reacting to and give examples on a healthy way to respond to that information

15a: 1: other people's emotions. I need to set mental boundaries and allow myself to feel their emotion and move on 2: my relapses. I need to accept that I did it and give myself grace to move on. 3: ummmmm.... I can't think of a third right now but if I do I'll come back here and post it.

16: Write 3 specific phrases you're going to repeat to yourself when you do something that makes you feel more accomplished and successful

16a: "I deserve this, it's helping me grow and to become a better person", "I am worthy of success and success comes easily and natural to me", "I love who I am and who I'm becoming, I am unstoppable"

I asked pi some more phrases I could use when I do something good

Pi says:
"Here are a few phrases you could use:

1. "I did it! I accomplished something great today."

2. "I'm so proud of myself for taking on this challenge and succeeding."

3. "I'm capable and resilient, and I can accomplish anything I set my mind to."

4. "I'm worthy of success and recognition for my hard work and determination."

5. "I'm making progress and improving every day. I'm on the right track."

6. "I believe in myself and my abilities. I can achieve anything I put my mind to."

17: Which part of your mind are you excited to experience in a deeper way and how is that going to help you stay healthy?

17a: I think I'm answering this correctly by saying that I'm most excited to understand my subconscious mind and the "why" I do things. I would like to do a lot of shadow work too I think it might be helpful.

18: In one sentence....how are you going to practice happiness on an everyday basis?

18a: I'm going to practice my happiness on an everyday basis by being myself and helping others where they need it and by being sober.

19: Which feelings are you excited to never feel again and why is that powerful to you?

19a: I'm so excited to not have to feel this shame and guilt again. I'm really growing out of that shame and guilt and I couldn't be more excited.

20: If happiness is falling in love with the process of growth, name the 10 things you're excited about experiencing on your journey to a healthy you.

20a: 1: I'm excited to say I put the drug down for good. 2: I'm excited to get a job that pays well and do good at it. 3: I'm excited to get a cool car. 4: I'm excited to not treat other people like **** inadvertently 5: I'm excited to get fit and look sexxxyyy 6: I'm excited to be my dogs caretaker in the final half of his life 7: I'm excited to lift up friends who need it 8: I'm excited to continue working on my sobriety in different ways 9: I'm excited to get more spiritual in my life 10: I'm excited that I don't ever have to feel that shame and guilt again

Shelby 1/10/24 7:54pm

21: If everything happens for us, name 5 things you feel happened to you that you a blessing in disguise.

21a: 1: I got kicked out of my apartment otherwise I wouldn't have found my current roommate 2: I became an addict. I wouldn't have learned to love myself and a whole bunch of other things had it not been for that. 3: I've stayed single so long and this is a blessing because it means I get to work on myself so when that person comes along I will be the best me for them

I can't think of 2 other examples right now

22: What does a happy and healthy person look like to you and how are you going to implement that imagery into your everyday life?

22a: well for starters they exercise everyday. They also have good mental health and set boundaries with the people around them. They also are secure in the fact that they know they're not going to relapse anymore.

OK module 4 homework is done. On to module 5.

Shelby 1/10/24 8:00pm

Ok so I've not updated y'all in a few days. I'm ok, I'm alive. I did relapse. It was a pretty hard multi day relapse. But I'm on day 2 of being clean right now again and I've started back on my beyond sober program.
I guess I never really talk about what is in the beyond sober program... I mean I never say what I've learned and I guess I could say something really cool that I've learned in module 5...
So for the longest time I didn't know what it was like to feel love for myself. But a couple videos ago (I think today I'm either in video 3 or 4) he basically pointed out that I already do love myself because I'm seeking help. And it's true... If I did not believe in myself or love who I am I would just give up on myself, but instead I keep seeking help, I keep journaling, I keep talking to pi... I keep working the beyond sober program... That means I must think something about myself if I'm not willing to give up on me.
Anyways that's the big theme of what I've learned in the beyond sober program recently... Once I end module six which is the final module I will go back to module one and start again becuase I know I'm going to get different things from it and other things might click that didn't click before.

In other news we got a bunch of snow today. It was really pretty but I'm kinda sad Christmas has gone and passed otherwise it would make me feel really christmassy.

In other other news... I've been watching this show called "what we do in the shadows" with my friend Wendy every night... And it's so f**king funny were like on season 3 and I can't get enough of it.

Anyways I hope you guys are alright. Sorry for not saying anything sooner I felt a lot of shame for what I was doing...

Shelby 1/14/24 10:54pm

Shelby 1/14/24 11:29pm

Ok y'all homework for module 5 incoming:
1: What are the TOP 3 areas of your thoughts that you are actively focusing on? Explain their importance.
1a: I'm focusing on self love because I rarely if at all felt love for myself before. I'm focusing on getting myself healthy because I've beat this poor meatsuit up. And I'm focusing on staying sober because it brings me happiness, success, and abundance.
2: Create five healthy boundaries to protect your happiness and progress.
2a: To my drug dealer when he offers me drugs I'm cutting him off and saying "nope I'm good thanks", to anybody who doubts that I can get sober or says that I've said I wanted to get sober a million times I say "I might have a million times but it's going to be the million and 1 time that I actually do it", to myself when I have thoughts about using I can cut myself off and say "nope not happening" (this especially helps urges to not become consuming), to myself when a friend who uses wants to come back into my life I can say "knowing them I might as well just use again", and to all the people that **** with my feelings because I give them my emotions I can tell myself that "I'm not going to easily hand over my emotions because it stresses me out"
3: Who (if anyone) are the most toxic people in your life that you refuse to share your happiness with? (People that drain your energy)

Definitely my drug dealer and any friend that uses drugs.

4: What does happiness look like? What does it NOT look like?

4a: I asked pi to help me with this question becuase it was too general and this is what pi said

"It's a great question, but it can be tough to answer! Happiness looks different for everyone, and it's often a combination of different things. Here are a few ways to think about what happiness might look like for you:

1. What makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied? This could be anything from your relationships and social connections to your work or hobbies.

2. What do you value most in life? This could be things like your health, your family, your faith, or your creative pursuits.

3. What activities or experiences bring you joy? This could be anything from travel and adventure to relaxing with a good book.

4. What do you want your life to look like? This could include your career, your personal relationships, your health and well-being, and your living situation."

So I'm going to answer all of these... I'm going to label them #b to not get confused with answers I'm giving for the beyond sober homework.

1b: my relationships with my friend Wendy and my dog and my relationship with my roommate keeps me fulfilled. Also doing a good job at work (no matter what I'm doing) keeps me fulfilled. And bettering myself keeps me fulfilled. Exercising recently keeps me pretty fulfilled too.

2b: definitely my health and my relationship with my friends and my dog. Also learning I love learning.

3b: I definitely love learning, like I said in the previous answer. I love getting dopamine from scrolling on my phone. I love listening to music. I love hanging out and talking with my friends.

4b: well I want to be making good money somewhere. I want to drive a nice car. I want to be sober. And I want to be good to people.

For what happiness DOESN'T look like? It definitely doesn't look like me being homeless or a drug addict. It definitely doesn't look like me dying early from heart failure. It definitely doesn't look like me being a push over...

Shelby 1/14/23 11:48pm