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Small Histories
- Author Aspergirl4hire
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A break from my usual scope, prompted by a question from a friend.
Liturgy B. Woodblock print. Matsubara Naoko, 1995.
Ubuntu/Hunhu philosophy, distilled to its essence by Michael Onyebuchi Eze: "A person is a person through other people." The term ‘ ubuntu' is from south African languages...
It's hard for me to understand why losses that other people seem to take in stride weigh upon me. A simple change feels funerary. Several at once from all sides is like walking the Inferno without Dante. It's worse if even the Hanging Judge (my severest internal critic, a source of unending...
I turn into the wind, touching the book of poems in my pocket for comfort.
I will be blogging, but limiting other AC activity for a bit.
Personal note: This story is about how I recognize some of myself in sacred literature I read today, in the Episcopal tradition’s interpretation. Blessed are they that take no offense at me.
Opening Numbers
I read Numbers 2:1-10 today aloud at church, and found myself in it. This story is about...
I returned from my 60-minute interview with strangers for a job I really want. I prepared for it like this:
I printed out my samples based on the first interview.
Old behavior: I take everything I need to make a complete story from a recent relevant experience. Every detail. My brief is 2...
I can fake being NT for 30 minutes on the phone. What am I going to do in 30-60 minutes in front of at least three people?
I need to remember a few things:
Although my "vampire chi" means I cannot see myself, other people can see me.
I have presence, other people say.
It's only three people...
It went well. How do I know?
Before the call, I sang scales to make my voice work and relax. I didn't relax, but I made some nice sounds (and many flat ones).
She called 15 minutes late and I was happy to accommodate her. I said "yes" when she asked for more time and I specified how much more...
In an hour, I have an interview for 30 minutes on the phone. I want to put my newest, littlest, spring-greeniest changes to work: what happens if I practice empathy for the interviewer?
How can I get out of my own head long enough to get into a conversation? That's part of the problem. My rich...
After an exciting evening in conversation, I wondered if a FUQ was in order. IQ, EQ, and what I'll call "We-Q" seems to be fluctuating so much I'm getting seasick.
Have I noticed my body tensing up during a thread, reading a post or person? Notice the feeling.
What is the feeling? Notice the...
Permission to write bad personal poetry has been granted to the author.
EDIT: CASCADING MEMORIES PROBLEM ONGOING. I wish I could cry but I can't so I'll write.
I looked her in the eye, which lent pain to my words.
"I'm not a nice person,
actually." I'm really not fun.
The therapist could not...
Previously: In Writ in Water, I introduced a flow chart that lined up mindfulness (as rainbow) and anxiety (as tornado). On further reflection, there are some more places where I could introduce mindfulness, and the mindfulness technique that helps me isn't the same throughout an anxiety attack...
It's Sunday, and the woman who just received her passing scores from her ordination exams is preaching.
As always, I took notes, and found in them some way to approach both the day's readings and the week before me.
Faith: It's a gift, not a decision
It’s no kindness to exhort people to “have...
What new leviathan is this,
mouth like a bullhorn,
and hide of rhinoceros?
Cancer, canker, wicked chancre
so much noise,
so much rancor
small of word, small of mind
mean in spirit
beyond unkind
full of ignorance
and righteousness,
what caused this breeding pestilence?
Comes this from a...
Three cups of hot tea/
cure hunger cold and sorrow/
tea is warm enough/
Gibbons don't drink tea--/
by throwing rocks at tigers/
they keep warm enough/
If you know patience/
listen for the tiger's roar/
the end soon follows/
I've considered this;/
bar the door and the window/
sing gathas all...
The talking chalkboard at the local cafe is remarkably prescient. I've taken to showing up just so I can focus on what's going on in my other mind, where conversational snippets latch on to the thoughts I can see but not say. Processing those emotions and visions and hanging words on them feels...
Previously: What's a rainbow, in the context of managing how I think about, and in, my internal weather system? Since I couldn't answer, and didn't like "Rainbow as a door," I started with an anti-definition.
Initial Observations
I need to be more careful about laying out data labels: the...
Previously: Thunderous thoughts and lightning bolts have the same materials that rainbows do. What's in the blue arrow? I need to know, because not getting the job hits me where I hurt.
If there's a way from the dark thoughts on the left side of the image to the light and color on the...
Previously: If Psalm 51 was written by an aspie about "aspierience," what does Genesis bring that helps?
"God has had it," said the preacher, "but His heartbreak is resolved when He decides to change; His creation won't change very much, and He wants the relationship more than He wants to...
Previously: I muddled metaphors to define deathcake (building up problems in a way that rapidly exhausts my processing capacity), a pictorial guide through an anxiety attack, and described how friends make exploring my psychic landscape safer. True to my condition--and its real definition--I was...
Previously: So my challenge personally seems to be about what I can do to stay in the moment when lightning hits the fault line. How will I slow down, find a virtue in being deliberate, and not confuse it with procrastination?...Go back and read the parasympathetic benefits thread again.
It's...