When my baby is born my body will still stretch across both lanes of the Motorway.
I will not need a car.
Give me 2 tractor wheels greased up with leftover butter from my breakfast. I can easily roll myself from one side of the country to the other holding one in each hand.
God help me when I need to poop.
No flush in the world will be big enough for MY toilet. The amount of water released when I pull that handle is equivalent to a mouse piss. How will I ever flush it?
Please don't ask me to enter your house.
How will I fit through the door? I like to tell myself that its the baby swelling out my belly but it's not. It's those bags of crisps I eat 6 bags of every day. If that sounds bad then give yourself a heart attack and look at the nutritional breakdown in purposely tiny letters.
Nope. You didn't mis-read it. It says 8.6 grams of fat PER BAG. Yes, it refers to a bag being just a tiny 25 gram size.
No, re-reading it will not tell you that it actually means per 12 pack bumper size. It means ONE BAG! Yep, and you just ate 6 bags of 8.6 grams of fat. Being bad at maths is still not going to make it a lie: it's STILL 51.6 grams of fat you just ate.
Oh wait. So I did that every day for the past 3 months? So how many weeks in a long month... 5? So possibly 13 weeks of 51.6 grams of fat EVERY DAY... wait how do I work that out! No, hang on I can't figure it out. It's confusing. This is stressing me out. I want another bag to take my mind off it.
I will not need a car.
Give me 2 tractor wheels greased up with leftover butter from my breakfast. I can easily roll myself from one side of the country to the other holding one in each hand.
God help me when I need to poop.
No flush in the world will be big enough for MY toilet. The amount of water released when I pull that handle is equivalent to a mouse piss. How will I ever flush it?
Please don't ask me to enter your house.
How will I fit through the door? I like to tell myself that its the baby swelling out my belly but it's not. It's those bags of crisps I eat 6 bags of every day. If that sounds bad then give yourself a heart attack and look at the nutritional breakdown in purposely tiny letters.
Nope. You didn't mis-read it. It says 8.6 grams of fat PER BAG. Yes, it refers to a bag being just a tiny 25 gram size.
No, re-reading it will not tell you that it actually means per 12 pack bumper size. It means ONE BAG! Yep, and you just ate 6 bags of 8.6 grams of fat. Being bad at maths is still not going to make it a lie: it's STILL 51.6 grams of fat you just ate.
Oh wait. So I did that every day for the past 3 months? So how many weeks in a long month... 5? So possibly 13 weeks of 51.6 grams of fat EVERY DAY... wait how do I work that out! No, hang on I can't figure it out. It's confusing. This is stressing me out. I want another bag to take my mind off it.
