Blog 9: Aspies & violence.

I think talking might help, as would counseling and guidance if they want to.

But looking at just my country and support for autism (or general disorders) it's becoming really slim. Society basically tells us "figure it out yourself"... this won't neccesarily root out a so-called "wrong planet" syndrome. It probably alienates a lot of us way more. It's a big financial issue mostly. I, among others (probably even here) have no job, and as such a rather minimal income, my parents have no clue what and IF they can do anything. BUt just like me, they're on a budget, they both don't have a job. I can't ask them to support me financially because I need extra care or therapy. And social services isn't giving me that either. To them, the most basic answer would be "try to cut costs on food".

A while ago I filed for financial aid for some help. It was denied and they pretty much told me "we do not grant financial aid to those who haven't tried looking for help themselves first". Basically it comes down to "if you can't afford help first, we see no reason to help you out either".

I think, a thing society, and the media especially needs to keep in mind, is that the perfect image shouldn't be pressed upon everyone. Yes, in terms of sexuality, we might crave a (as a man) female. Have sex, etc. But perhaps this is a side effect of the sexualisation of society over the past 50 years. I'm not saying we should go back living in chaste and all, but perhaps it would be a good idea to not emphasize everything on "sex sells", since that surely wont create a blown up version of sexual desire in men (but also women) which they have to deal with today.

Another thing I feel is key here; if I tell my therapist that I want to kill someone, chances are he will report me. I'll end up at the precinct, maybe in jail or have to participate to a program, which might not be my liking. Aside from the fact that I might come out worse... why is this? Is this because society lacks the motivation, energy, time and money to put a more accomodating therapy and see if we can get people to change their minds. Talking about murder (or in general offenses) at a therapists office is most likely getting you in even more trouble, even if that person is the one you have to trust most.

If there's a taboo on addressing everything and being sure that you're still safe and in control of your life (as far as you are now), then I can see people giving therapists the silence treatment about their most devious fantasies.

I don't think we should treat aspies like royalty, but from my own experiences, it see a lot of support being cut out over time and as a result I end up a 2nd rank citizen because I can't participate the way it works for both society and me. If I cost more money because of my issues, so be it. That's what humanity is about I guess.

And honestly, how harsh, brutal and emotionless this may sound (so if you're a sensible person, stop reading).

I'm not speaking on behalf of aspies, but I think in general for everyone suffering from anything that might get him to do deed X. There's a price to all of this. The loss of financial support for this will apparently be justified by more violence. As long as healthcare (and governments) think that people need to spend more on healthcare themselves (which they presumably can't), they will look for other ways for self-help. Some will drink, do drugs or other dangerous things, others will get back to others. By now it's clear that going on a killing spree for self-help to some is a good substitute. I don't advocate this behaviour in any way, but if the government can tell me "well, we need to cut back on expenses... it is what it is"... then by all means, how is behaviour like this not "it is what it is"?

I read that article the other day, so even without looking it up I know what article you're talking about, heh.

To be honest, the article reminded me of myself when I was a child. I was the same for most part. I'd have random, really agressive meltdowns for no good reason as well. But compared to that kid... I'm an only child, I had a mother who took the effort to take a pediatricians course and some child psychology as well as being taken to a different school (one with less kids in my class; I remember 7; compared to the 30 we have now), as well as a afterschool thing ran by pediatricians. But that was when I was 8 years old.

Times have changed, and the services and options back then aren't available for everyone right now so it seems. I had my support in a period where you didn't get ADHD and Autism labels for free with every can of high sugar energy drinks. I didn't got diagnosed with anything at age 8, but I still got some help.

Looking at my parents and what they did; I never got into serious trouble with punishments. They key in my experience was that I had alone time. And how weird it sounds; I had alone time to play AND reflect on what I did and how I felt. That's something that's absent from kids nowadays since everything has others involved. When I was a kid, my parents didn't think it was that weird for me to not play with others, they thought "hey, if that works, sure, why not?". Now, the slightest divergence of behaviour is analyzed and labeled clinically "wrong". Furthermore, all I'm reading is "mom, son, 2 other siblings". I'm not slamming the mom for being a single mom, I can't judge on that. But quite often I read about problem cases and how they're from a single parent household. Perhaps that's something worth ringing the alarmbells for already. Add in a "poor" family with multiple kids (even if those kids are alright). This might be a stretch, but some kids cannot deal with sharing in a household. Does not work well with others is true for some people, from early ages already.

From the entire story I feel I'm missing things. If it's all true what she writes then it's awful, but I doubt that's all there is to it. What if this is a way for this boy to cope with PTSD? What if... we're being told only half the story? I wouldn't be surprised if under further investigations and a follow up on this, it would end up that the boy got violently molested by his dad and as such got messed up like this. Perhaps his mom was an unfit parent for a significant part of his life. But that's the information we're not reading.

I might be the cynic here.

Yes, I believe that cutting back on (mental) healthcare is silly (and that's an understatement) but with a few disorders (especially developmental disorders) I'm quite sure there's more to it than just this. More than a few kids end up messed up because of faulty parenting on top of brooding mental problems (perhaps even the parents are equally messed up already).

"It is what it is" refers to the cutbacks. Over here the government will cut back and will just get on with "well, we need to cutback somewhere". The fact that they do not calculate risks of people with mental disorders, especially the volatile kind, makes it really dangerous.

The most interesting thing I discussed with my girlfriend over this entire debacle of cutting back on healthcare was that some people are all for "locking up those wacko's", but on the other hand they're also complaining about how it's "their" taxmoney. To them I pose a rather provocative question "how much is your safety worth?".

Here's someting I had going on last year while I was at the social services office. And again, this might come across as offensive. If you're easily offended, go to the bold part after the italics below.

I discussed options and my pending diagnosis and issues with a coach there, to where I said; so please tell me, if you're so adamant of pushing me towards employment without any prior knowledge and risk assessments... tell me, are you willing to take the responsibility of any and all risks that might happen because of me by your doing and forcing me somewhere I don't belong? Is this the risk you are willing to take? Will your signature be on that document knowing that you're partially responsible for potential harm to others by forcing through something that's based on rules, regulations and paperwork? Let's rephrase it; imagine I'd leap over this desk right now and harm someone here... imagine someone would harm you in a similar situation now. Is that the risk you are willing to take as an employer? Is this the thing you thought about when you left your house this morning kissing your husband goodbye. Imagine you won't be coming home again because someone at your work is in a place where he should not be, due to bad counseling and guidance. I'd strongly advice you to talk to your supervisor and higher up. You have documentation of people and you know that getting them employed is almost a lost cause. They are functional, but not by general rules, they need individual counseling, which is something this, and all the other departments around the country lack due to cut backs. I'm quite sure those people are willing to discuss it with you, but not through means pushing through something that's probably conjured up by upper management by means of increasing efficiency.

End of italics

I'm quite sure this good ma'am never had this intense of a sit down with someone for a while, purely on a verbal level that didn't include cussing her out for just doing her job. I gave her a heads up, advice and new ideas because of pending risks. Granted, I don't know if my gravelly batman-like voice was needed nor that "imma fire lasers with my eyes"-look (even if I wore shades; they probably started lighting up... like cyclopes from X-men). But still..

Yes; I might get cerebral, borderline... well "psycho" at some point, but unlike a fair share of people who harm others, I can express myself verbally pretty well at times. I can choose to keep away from danger, and as much as possible dodge it even. Maybe I'm still rebel enough to know I can choose not to go with the flow as much as I'm expected. Yes, society tells me to do certain things, and to a degree I'll comply, that's fine. But still, something I said in my previous response here "it works for both society and me". That's the big thing... I don't believe in one-way traffic like this.

To come full circle here; as long as the disabled aren't being listened to and have discussion, and indeed, as long as we put a pricetag on well-being (and much, like I expressed earlier; safety) of myself and others, we will not fix this problem.

I have a few other interesting theories about society that involve healthcare and things in general, but I wont touch them here, since that'll derail this blog a lot more.