I was given quite a lot of information on healthy communication techniques during my last stay in Ottawa's EDP. I'm happy to share these with you, and I hope you find some of them useful.
Refusing Requests
You have a right to say "No".
Some people find it exceedingly difficult to say "No". Others can say "No" indirectly, softening the blow with excuses and apologies. This inability to say "No" means you lack some control over your life and that you have to cope with a consequent increase in stress. Saying "No" directly and openly gives greater control and boosts self-esteem.
Common Myths
Saying "No" is callous, uncaring, mean and selfish.
Saying "No" directly is rude and aggressive, too abrupt and blunt.
Saying "No" will hurt and upset others, making them feel rejected.
Saying "No" over little things shows pettiness.
Seven Points To Remember
1. When you say "No" you are refusing a request, not rejecting a person. Much depends on the way you refuse.
2. When making the refusal, try accepting full responsibility for doing so. Don't blame or pass the buck. Change "I can't" to "I don't want to".
3. Saying "No" without excessive apology or excuse does not mean saying "No" without an explanation. Ask yourself whether you are explaining because of your own anxiety rather than for the sake of the other person.
4. You are probably overestimating the difficulty the other person will have in accepting your refusal. Very often by expressing your feelings openly and honestly, you allow other people to express themselves.
5. If you wanted to say "No" but end up saying "Yes", it can show. Our bodies often express themselves despite us (often in the form of headaches etc.) as a consequence of the stress which comes from being overly compliant.
6. Acknowledge your feelings. A simple statement like "I feel guilty" or "I find this difficult", allows you to express your feelings honestly.
7. If you are having difficulty in saying "No", use the "broken record" technique. This involves repetition of your assertive refusal each time the other person tries to persuade or evade you.
Refusing Requests
You have a right to say "No".
Some people find it exceedingly difficult to say "No". Others can say "No" indirectly, softening the blow with excuses and apologies. This inability to say "No" means you lack some control over your life and that you have to cope with a consequent increase in stress. Saying "No" directly and openly gives greater control and boosts self-esteem.
Common Myths
Saying "No" is callous, uncaring, mean and selfish.
Saying "No" directly is rude and aggressive, too abrupt and blunt.
Saying "No" will hurt and upset others, making them feel rejected.
Saying "No" over little things shows pettiness.
Seven Points To Remember
1. When you say "No" you are refusing a request, not rejecting a person. Much depends on the way you refuse.
2. When making the refusal, try accepting full responsibility for doing so. Don't blame or pass the buck. Change "I can't" to "I don't want to".
3. Saying "No" without excessive apology or excuse does not mean saying "No" without an explanation. Ask yourself whether you are explaining because of your own anxiety rather than for the sake of the other person.
4. You are probably overestimating the difficulty the other person will have in accepting your refusal. Very often by expressing your feelings openly and honestly, you allow other people to express themselves.
5. If you wanted to say "No" but end up saying "Yes", it can show. Our bodies often express themselves despite us (often in the form of headaches etc.) as a consequence of the stress which comes from being overly compliant.
6. Acknowledge your feelings. A simple statement like "I feel guilty" or "I find this difficult", allows you to express your feelings honestly.
7. If you are having difficulty in saying "No", use the "broken record" technique. This involves repetition of your assertive refusal each time the other person tries to persuade or evade you.