Time for blog 5. I've been debating whether or not to broach this issue for some time. I was going to bring it up in a thread, but knowing my opinions on this, the likely result would be many defensive & annoyed Aspies. As a compromise, I've decided to discuss it here.
Most of us have a passionate interest in something. This could be something we do, something we collect or something we read/study about. There are a few other categories, but for simplicity's sake, let's restrict it to these. What do our passions have to do with money? In some cases, not very much. If reading about Medieval battle armour is your passion, you may have access to a free public library, a Uni library, read online or subscribe to a few magazines for a modest annual fee. Providing your passion isn't impeding your ability to meet the life obligations you have, you're fine. ENJOY!!!
If your kids are scruffy & hungry because you've forgotten to feed & bathe them because you were busy reading Medieval Battle Armour Digest, then you've got a problem...BUT not with money. Should this become a habit, you'll have one with child protective services, though.
If your passion involves a costly collectible item (anything is collectible IF it interests you!) you are likely precariously perched on a slippery slope. What IS a costly item? That depends on a few factors:
- How much each item costs when you buy it (notice I did NOT say what it is *worth* & what you think you can sell it for one day).
- What conditions & care the item demands ( is it alive? do you stick it on any old shelf or do you need a specialized container, lighting, upkeep, moisture regulation, insurance, licenses etc.)
- Are you a grown-up (>21) ? Do you meet your financial obligations yourself or is your family (or the gov't) paying a portion of or all of your upkeep?
- What is your income, what are your assets & what are your financial obligations?
-Must you borrow (acquire unsecured debt) in order to buy your objects? Are they on a credit card, a layaway or instalment plan?
- Do people who genuinely care about you & are helping support you complain about your spending?
- Do you find yourself talking yourself into making a purchase (or having to force yourself to resist making one?
- Do you find yourself rationalizing or defending your purchases to yourself or caring others?
- Do you retreat into shopping for your items or into playing with or caring for the items themselves as a response to stress (could be a stressful external event or the anxiety caused by worrisome thoughts)?
- Are you in DENIAL? <---That last one is tricky. If you are in denial, you'll deny that you're in denial! If you say you aren't BUT the you've answered YES to most of the above AND you're floundering financially AND you're dependent on others despite being a working adult, YOU ARE IN DENIAL!!!
By now, if you have any amount of intelligence, insight & objectivity, you know whether or not you have a dysfunctional understanding of money. You know that you're going into debt to buy a bunch of _________. You KNOW whether or not a substantial portion of your adult financial obligations are being met by others (family or gov't). IF your needs are being met by others because symptoms of your condition are preventing you from doing so yourself, that's fine. HOWEVER, if you are in such a position AND you're spending what little you get on your_______ collection or hobby, that is not okay & you cannot afford to be doing what you're doing.
Denial is an appealing vice. Unlike alcoholism, it won't make you stagger about & vomit all over yourself. It isn't illegal AND you just might be able to fool both other people AND yourself- for a while any ways...Until your financial roof caves in & you've got a bunch of _____ but you can't feed, clothe & support yourself, have no assets, possibly a heap of debt & no savings. You find yourself living like an overgrown teenager & your self-esteem is bearing the brunt of it. You're working below your worth & ability at a minimum wage job & buying items a professional would see as a budget busting waste.
REALITY CHECK: THIS IS A FORM OF SELF-HARM EVERY BIT AS DYSFUNCTIONAL & UNHEALTHY AS CUTTING YOURSELF, ABUSING DRUGS OR ENGAGING IN ANY OTHER HIGH-RISK BEHAVIOURS!
Money problems are seldom truly about money. THAT is why chronic money problems can't be solved with money any more than drug problems can be solved with more drugs! The underlying dysfunctional thinking patterns & behaviours must be addressed.
I have more to say on this subject but since this is getting long, I'll stop here.
Most of us have a passionate interest in something. This could be something we do, something we collect or something we read/study about. There are a few other categories, but for simplicity's sake, let's restrict it to these. What do our passions have to do with money? In some cases, not very much. If reading about Medieval battle armour is your passion, you may have access to a free public library, a Uni library, read online or subscribe to a few magazines for a modest annual fee. Providing your passion isn't impeding your ability to meet the life obligations you have, you're fine. ENJOY!!!
If your kids are scruffy & hungry because you've forgotten to feed & bathe them because you were busy reading Medieval Battle Armour Digest, then you've got a problem...BUT not with money. Should this become a habit, you'll have one with child protective services, though.
If your passion involves a costly collectible item (anything is collectible IF it interests you!) you are likely precariously perched on a slippery slope. What IS a costly item? That depends on a few factors:
- How much each item costs when you buy it (notice I did NOT say what it is *worth* & what you think you can sell it for one day).
- What conditions & care the item demands ( is it alive? do you stick it on any old shelf or do you need a specialized container, lighting, upkeep, moisture regulation, insurance, licenses etc.)
- Are you a grown-up (>21) ? Do you meet your financial obligations yourself or is your family (or the gov't) paying a portion of or all of your upkeep?
- What is your income, what are your assets & what are your financial obligations?
-Must you borrow (acquire unsecured debt) in order to buy your objects? Are they on a credit card, a layaway or instalment plan?
- Do people who genuinely care about you & are helping support you complain about your spending?
- Do you find yourself talking yourself into making a purchase (or having to force yourself to resist making one?
- Do you find yourself rationalizing or defending your purchases to yourself or caring others?
- Do you retreat into shopping for your items or into playing with or caring for the items themselves as a response to stress (could be a stressful external event or the anxiety caused by worrisome thoughts)?
- Are you in DENIAL? <---That last one is tricky. If you are in denial, you'll deny that you're in denial! If you say you aren't BUT the you've answered YES to most of the above AND you're floundering financially AND you're dependent on others despite being a working adult, YOU ARE IN DENIAL!!!
By now, if you have any amount of intelligence, insight & objectivity, you know whether or not you have a dysfunctional understanding of money. You know that you're going into debt to buy a bunch of _________. You KNOW whether or not a substantial portion of your adult financial obligations are being met by others (family or gov't). IF your needs are being met by others because symptoms of your condition are preventing you from doing so yourself, that's fine. HOWEVER, if you are in such a position AND you're spending what little you get on your_______ collection or hobby, that is not okay & you cannot afford to be doing what you're doing.
Denial is an appealing vice. Unlike alcoholism, it won't make you stagger about & vomit all over yourself. It isn't illegal AND you just might be able to fool both other people AND yourself- for a while any ways...Until your financial roof caves in & you've got a bunch of _____ but you can't feed, clothe & support yourself, have no assets, possibly a heap of debt & no savings. You find yourself living like an overgrown teenager & your self-esteem is bearing the brunt of it. You're working below your worth & ability at a minimum wage job & buying items a professional would see as a budget busting waste.
REALITY CHECK: THIS IS A FORM OF SELF-HARM EVERY BIT AS DYSFUNCTIONAL & UNHEALTHY AS CUTTING YOURSELF, ABUSING DRUGS OR ENGAGING IN ANY OTHER HIGH-RISK BEHAVIOURS!
Money problems are seldom truly about money. THAT is why chronic money problems can't be solved with money any more than drug problems can be solved with more drugs! The underlying dysfunctional thinking patterns & behaviours must be addressed.
I have more to say on this subject but since this is getting long, I'll stop here.