Do Aspies annoy other Aspies?

[Jumpinbare]

I know we can annoy NTs just beings ourselves (non masked), and I know Aspies can vary widely (if you know one - you know one), so how often would a group of non masking Aspies annoy each other?

 

[Au Naturel]

Very often. I wouldn't say it was inevitable, but say you had three people with three different special interests. None were interested in listening to the others' special interests, but each insisted on expounding their own. Instant frustration. No different than when an NT is annoyed at having a data dump on a topic they have no interest in.

 

[VictorR]

Probably just as often as people annoy one another in general.

Some reasons for conflict that I've seen in groups include:

1. Conflicting support needs (e.g. in a virtual meeting, some benefit from and communicate best via chat, whereas others find the chat to be distracting)

2. Someone gets too carried away with infodumping and forgets to take turns and let others talk/share as well

3. Someone is regularly seeking support from others, but isn't really providing support for others and/or acknowledgement for the help/guidance they're received.

 

[Crossbreed]

...so how often would a group of non masking Aspies annoy each other?

I am annoyed that you even asked...!

Young Aspies have rigid expectations for themselves and the world around them. People who do not conform to those expectations, NT or neur-D, can be very grating.

Ideally (as we get older), we learn to factor in the world's blatant refusal to align with our expectations.

 

[Aspychata]

This is a interesting concept. I believe that everybody has the ability to annoy somebody. Is being ND mean a higher probability of being annoying? Or is being NT mean a higher probability of being annoying? I feel l could run down either path and feel the same.

 

[Progster]

A lot, I imagine, because a lot of people on the spectrum are susceptible to rigid or black and white thinking, but not always in the same areas, and opinions can differ wildly. Also, sensory stimulation. One person might like to click a pen, but that noise drives another person mad. So many arguments would ensue.
Not that a group of NTs can't annoy each other equally.

 

[Cryptid]

NTs annoy me more often, but Aspies annoy me more intensely.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Ideally (as we get older), we learn to factor in the world's blatant refusal to align with our expectations.

Yeah, I guess as an older, I was factoring that in a bit too much, or it would have been obvious. There is a support group not terribly far away, and I was tinkering with the idea of attending. But a support group is still a group, and I have always avoided groups when practicable. And I saw a movie that featured an HFA support group that bickered frequently at their meetings. I wondered if that was realistic.
When I look back on some of my younger faux pas, I realize I made them by acting on  my own overly rigid thinking at the time.

 

[Misty Avich]

No disrespect, but yes.
A lot of Aspies have the honesty attitude that annoys me, where they prefer what's morally right over social boundaries. I don't have this.
For example, there's a colleague at work who smokes inside the garage, sometimes with the door closed if it's cold outside. There's a no smoking sign in the garage but he does it anyway. I'm totally against smoking, but I still don't care that he smokes inside and I wouldn't report him for it. Most Aspies would argue that I should report him for all our safety but I think it's better to just butt out. The garage has a very high ceiling with plenty of ventilation to avoid breathing in toxic fumes, so it's almost impossible to smell or even see the cigarette smoke. And he's my friend, and I don't tell on friends.
One way to be socially accepted at work is to not worship rules too much and to not go reporting people even if you think it's morally right, as people won't like you if you do.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I know we can annoy NTs just beings ourselves (non masked), and I know Aspies can vary widely (if you know one - you know one), so how often would a group of non masking Aspies annoy each other?

Yes.

Some of us have a lot of negativity, depression, victim-like behaviors and thoughts, the perpetual "neediness" of someone to feel sorry for them, whining "I need to be validated", "I can't do this, that, or the other thing." instead of directing their energy towards what they can do, the envy and jealousy of neurotypicals, and so on. Good Lord, it just sucks the life out of everyone.

 

[Jumpinbare]

In a garage, smelling smoke is not the issue. The idea is to be sure that ignition sources not come in proximity with gasoline fumes. If it's an actual garage (vehicle maintenance being performed), there is a possibility of leaked or spilled gasoline. The reason garages have to be well ventilated is that gasoline expands into a large amount of vapor. In an enclosed poorly ventilated space, an explosion can easily result if an ignition source meets the vapor. Even with the ventilation, if an ignition source gets close enough to the source of vapor, a fire can still result. Smoking in a working garage IS a serious safety issue. If an employee can't refrain from smoking there, they should not be working there.

 

[Gerontius]

I have a teleological understanding of the arts and my girlfriend is more utilitarian about it. We can fight about the subject for hours. Both are autistics and both value public education but we have somewhat different priorities.

 

[mysterionz]

I would imagine that to an extent, yes. Just because they’re not NT doesn’t give them a free pass from being annoyed.

 

[mysterionz]

Someone gets too carried away with infodumping and forgets to take turns and let others talk/share as well

Also this is a really good point as well. If I’m doing an infodump on South Park to my irl autistic friend (she has a differing opinion on the show than me, which is OK as people are allowed to have opinions. I don’t like Rick and Morty/family guy myself.) she may not get the chance to infodump about her special interests, which pertain to her irl experiences/her experiences getting in touch with her faith.

 

[The Pandector]

Not a historian. Wasn’t it Asperger who concluded that, troublesome as they may be, autistic people in general are healthy for a society? That having a disassociated eye can correct course for those stuck with NT-vision?

I’m still early in the self-realization phase. But I hope I never get so mature as an autistic person that I prefer social boundaries to what’s morally right. This NT world is in dire need of some moral correction, and in my personal experience, it is sometimes the ND who is uniquely qualified to voice what is obvious over what is considered acceptable. I’m looking around and don’t find the acceptable attractive.

OTOH, I’m just getting over my bitterness at discovering my autism; God knit me together in my mother’s womb, and autism seems an insurmountable burden. Nevertheless, though probably a war criminal, Asperger glimpsed God’s truth: the autism gene complex serves a critical role in mankind’s destiny. Guys like Newton, Musk, Einstein and Gates change the face of the human experience. Personally, I think we make a mistake if we think our roles as lesser autistics is less critical in mankind’s future. Of course, change implies adverse forces, which those stodgy NT’s don’t handle well.

I conclude that God knew what he was doing when he masterminded the prevalence of autism in the general population. Yes, this makes for hard lives and bumpy relationships, but overall it’s a critical function.

Though I’m fine with it, autistic people gathering together upsets the prevalence factor. We may or may not get along in close proximity, but our function is to be a seasoning, not the main dish. So it doesn’t surprise me if, when there are five or ten pinballs all rolling around the game table at once… it produces a noisy and chaotic mess.

I’ve only met one person who I know to be diagnosed autistic. Around 40, he harassed me nonstop, repeatedly called me a liar and a drunk, publicly asked my granddaughter if she wiped her ——— before leaving the bathroom. Etc. & etc. (husband of my DIL’s friend). Houseguest from Hades. Apparently, I don’t get along well with autistic people.

 

[The Pandector]

No disrespect, but yes.
A lot of Aspies have the honesty attitude that annoys me, where they prefer what's morally right over social boundaries. I don't have this.
For example, there's a colleague at work who smokes inside the garage, sometimes with the door closed if it's cold outside. There's a no smoking sign in the garage but he does it anyway. I'm totally against smoking, but I still don't care that he smokes inside and I wouldn't report him for it. Most Aspies would argue that I should report him for all our safety but I think it's better to just butt out. The garage has a very high ceiling with plenty of ventilation to avoid breathing in toxic fumes, so it's almost impossible to smell or even see the cigarette smoke. And he's my friend, and I don't tell on friends.
One way to be socially accepted at work is to not worship rules too much and to not go reporting people even if you think it's morally right, as people won't like you if you do.

I prefer what’s morally right over social boundaries. But I don’t understand your example. Others have taken ‘garage’ to mean a mechanic’s place of business, whereas I take it to mean a parking structure.

Not to condemn, just saying… if you witnessed someone endangering lives or property but took no action because doing so violates some social standard, maybe we should discuss those standards.

If someone is smoking in a parking garage posted no smoking, no one’s life or property is in endangered thereby. If your personal comfort compels you to report it, that is a morally neutral action, because it’s posted; fair game. But I think I read your post to imply that the moral autist has a responsibility to report the violation, a responsibility you choose to ignore. Now, that falls under a different heading in my book, because no one’s health or property is in jeopardy, just a sign erected by management to please the nonsmoking majority.

So, assuming your friend is not lighting up atop a pile of half-full gas cans, I can’t understand that you have chosen social grace over moral responsibility.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Not a historian. Wasn’t it Asperger who concluded that, troublesome as they may be, autistic people in general are healthy for a society? That having a disassociated eye can correct course for those stuck with NT-vision?

His statement was to the effect "it seems a dash of autism is necessary for scientific advancement" or something very similar. Of course it was in German, so not word-for-word regardless. I like Temple Grandin's comment about the spear not being invented by the yahoos socializing around the fire, but by the wierd loner sitting in the back of the cave by himself.

I’ve only met one person who I know to be diagnosed autistic.

I know of two personally. One is my friend of 50+ years, and the other I knew in the 1980s and 90s who left the area around 2003 or so. None of us knew we were autistic till recently.
My older friend found out first, but kept the info to himself. When I told him about my diagnosis, he said he had known for years I was on the spectrum. The other friend found out about the same time I did. I get along with both, but they have never gotten along with each other, so there you go.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

MY best friend in college, And I are both self-diagnosed as being on the spectrum we are both naturally high testosterone individuals. Yes we like to debate. enjoy each other's company. he is bright strong, very athletic in foot ball ran for touch down with opposing team on his back. great friends to this day.

 

[Aspychata]

Think having a healthy tolerance of others with a dose of patience is a plus no matter being ND or NT. I wouldn't be able to work a lot of jobs otherwise.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like this forum great fun hanging with my own.