Diagnosing other people

[Bergs]

Don't know if this is just me, but since I self diagnosed 12 months ago, I have noticed friends/work colleagues that now 'appear' to be as being on the spectrum, but I don't know if they are aware, as they have not indicated it previously. I have this need/want to tell them, but I never do as after thinking about it I realised(after much rumination) that it would be quite confronting to be told/suggested that you are on the spectrum if you have a NT 'idea' of Autism.
I hope i'm explaining this well, after reading lots of ASD books, watched hours of Youtube creators and podcasts i feel i'm much more able to pick up on the subtle ASD cues. I feel the need to share what I have learnt from my experiences and research, but don't want to offend them. It would be coming from a place of love/care for them and not criticising what they may feel as a character assassination against them.

 

[Cryptid]

You are likely experiencing Confirmation Bias of some kind -- sorta like when you by a certain brand of shoes you begin to notice how many other people are wearing the same brand.

You are not the first person to express their belief in some form of "Aspie-dar".

While you may recognize some Aspie-like traits in others, your recognition is purely subjective, and cannot be proven without (as you say) being confrontational.

Besides, many people considered neurotypical may also exhibit Aspie-like traits, and not all of the time.

It is best to leave such diagnoses to the appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals.

 

[Misty Avich]

When I was at school I felt that all the other kids were 100% normal, perfect even, and I was the freak. Now in adulthood I notice that everywhere I go (job-wise) there's always a few quirky people who could be on the spectrum or have some other neurological difference or disorder such as ADHD. It's nice to not feel like the only one in the world with problems.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Don't know if this is just me, but since I self diagnosed 12 months ago, I have noticed friends/work colleagues that now 'appear' to be as being on the spectrum, but I don't know if they are aware, as they have not indicated it previously. I have this need/want to tell them, but I never do as after thinking about it I realised(after much rumination) that it would be quite confronting to be told/suggested that you are on the spectrum if you have a NT 'idea' of Autism.
I hope i'm explaining this well, after reading lots of ASD books, watched hours of Youtube creators and podcasts i feel i'm much more able to pick up on the subtle ASD cues. I feel the need to share what I have learnt from my experiences and research, but don't want to offend them. It would be coming from a place of love/care for them and not criticising what they may feel as a character assassination against them.

Best to let this sort of thing go, unless someone is expressing concern themselves or are struggling with what appears to be an "autism trait" that is affecting their life, and you have the sort of relationship that they are confiding in you about it.

This is actually how I was eventually diagnosed. A co-worker whom I knew well, who was a parent of a teenage autistic child. The situation and circumstances do matter. I also had another co-worker, who was very obviously autistic (like there was zero doubt) but was not responsive to any suggestion that they were and completely avoided the topic. So, just be careful with this sort of thing.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I think it's alright for you to have your thoughts and suspicions about the people around you - you can't help that, after all. I also do and have that, not only about autism (I work and have a (special?) interest in mental health), it just got stronger about autism after I received my own diagnosis. You can think what you want, and I don't think it's entitled or anything - you can think whatever you like.

But I agree with this:

Best to let this sort of thing go, unless someone is expressing concern themselves or are struggling with what appears to be an "autism trait" that is affecting their life, and you have the sort of relationship that they are confiding in you about it.

Unless you think that that person is struggling a lot, the knowledge about being autistic could realistically help them, and you have a relationship where this is appropriate (e.g. your brother's okay, but a random coworker wouldn't be appropriate), I wouldn't tell them.
What you could do is talk to such a person about your own traits and struggles, if you wish, without suggesting anything about them, and let them have their own thoughts about it.

 

[thejuice]

Don't know if this is just me, but since I self diagnosed 12 months ago, I have noticed friends/work colleagues that now 'appear' to be as being on the spectrum, but I don't know if they are aware, as they have not indicated it previously. I have this need/want to tell them, but I never do as after thinking about it I realised(after much rumination) that it would be quite confronting to be told/suggested that you are on the spectrum if you have a NT 'idea' of Autism.
I hope i'm explaining this well, after reading lots of ASD books, watched hours of Youtube creators and podcasts i feel i'm much more able to pick up on the subtle ASD cues. I feel the need to share what I have learnt from my experiences and research, but don't want to offend them. It would be coming from a place of love/care for them and not criticising what they may feel as a character assassination against them.

I love to speculate as much as the next.. You're hunch probably has a lot of relevance. I mean 'takes one to know one' is an adage for a reason. As said, confirmation bias is an easy trap to fall in to. The best diagnoser would be a trained professional with the disorder themselves.

 

[marc_101]

@Bergs

As others said, probably best to keep it to yourself. The thing is that many people have ASD traits. A diagnosis requires a collection of traits that have lasted a lifetime.

The other issue is that it's almost impossible to make a diagnosis without having an in-depth conversation with the person and asking about their history. Many diagnoses look like ASD, and many traits that don't fit into a diagnosis also look like ASD. And then there is masking.

In some cases, even clinicians with years of training have problems making a diagnosis after talking to the person.

There is confirmation bias, too. Like when you're thinking about buying a new car and you start seeing that car everywhere.

(I'm giving myself a pat on the back for not going into a rant about YouTubers. )

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

You are likely experiencing Confirmation Bias of some kind -- sorta like when you by a certain brand of shoes you begin to notice how many other people are wearing the same brand.

You are not the first person to express their belief in some form of "Aspie-dar".

While you may recognize some Aspie-like traits in others, your recognition is purely subjective, and cannot be proven without (as you say) being confrontational.

Besides, many people considered neurotypical may also exhibit Aspie-like traits, and not all of the time.

It is best to leave such diagnoses to the appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals.

My attitude is let them be just as I am undiagnosed, maybe they prefer the same, just living their life. Never bothered me life is a continuum. Actually these people are good candidates for friendships.

 

[The Pandector]

I’m a Bible-believing Christian, and better-versed than most. There is nothing more stark than the difference between a believer and a non-believer. The Bible is clear that many people will feign belief, and many people will think they are saved when they are not. Having worked amongst them for decades, it’s not surprising that
I sometimes think I know for certain that someone is either one or the other.

I do not know who is saved and who is not. I have the ‘Diagnostic Manual’ right here with me, but still don’t know. Thank heavens I never indulged myself enough to make mention of my suspicions.

OTOH, I came to know some people pretty well, seeing them over years responding to different scenarios. Some, I would entrust with the church’s most serious concerns, others I would actively ensure had no important responsibilities. All part of the job for some people. However, I never felt I knew their soul’s condition as fact, only their suitability for a purpose.

I would advise some guidelines. What you suspect, keep to yourself. As things become more apparent with time, you still need to keep it to yourself. The difference comes when the situation demands you make a judgement; then you just have to balance humility with everyone’s best interests. Unless the situation demands you make a call, don’t.

In fact, I would extend that advice to anyone who walks around with their copy of the DSM under their arm. From what I hear, even the professionals have a hard time regularly getting it right; the armchair diagnostician has not earned even that much credibility.

You can’t judge a book by its cover. Reading the cover and skimming a few chapters may get you past a failing grade, but not the right to write a book review.

 

[Tom]

Think it best to not initiate. That can really go badly, even with friends or family. But if they breech subject it is different.

 

[vergil96]

It's rude to say to someone "I think you have autism". Period. Or to comment on their health and behaviour, in general. You shouldn't say to anyone "I think you have X condition". It's also quite likely they are aware and just don't feel like talking about it or discussing their health with someone who isn't their doctor.

 

[Forest Cat]

It's something very personal. So unless you are very close to these people, I'd say leave it be.

 

[Outdated]

I have this need/want to tell them, but I never do as after thinking about it I realised(after much rumination) that it would be quite confronting to be told/suggested that you are on the spectrum if you have a NT 'idea' of Autism.

I'm so glad you're not saying anything to anyone. In many cases it would be extremely insulting no matter how well you try to couch it, and in some cases it would be damaging to the other person.

A lot of your enthusiasm comes from the euphoria of finally finding answers to questions you've been asking your whole life. It's a positive sign for you, you know the diagnosis fits, but that doesn't mean that everyone else will feel the same.

It's like the born again christians that feel the need to go knocking on people's doors to tell them about it, thankfully that's banned in my state now. Or like a vegan yelling at people in a restaurant telling them they shouldn't eat meat.

Enjoy the euphoria while it lasts, it won't last forever, but don't try to push it on to others.

 

[Bergs]

Thanks for everyone's feedback, duly noted. I guess i wish someone would have given me some clues 20 years ago, but also the understanding back then was vastly different. I have only admitted to 2 of my closest friends that I have self diagnosed and haven't feel comfortable enough to tell family, as i feel there is still a stigma. On one hand I want to tell the world and educate the world about what real world Autism is, with tshirt designs/3d print designs, but yet I dont feel comfortable to advocate face to face, imposter syndrome i guess.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

We have focused on what not to do: Dont tell them.

On the other hand there are many things that we can do, like be more structured when doing plans with those autist traited people, make less asumtions and ask for confirmations, to ask them for their hobbies or being patient with their info dump.

I find very useful to know that I can adapt my behavour from "talking to NT mode" to "talking to autist traited person mode".

 

[Bergs]

We have focused on what not to do: Dont tell them.

On the other hand there are many things that we can do, like be more structured when doing plans with those autist traited people, make less asumtions and ask for confirmations, to ask them for their hobbies or being patient with their info dump.

I find very useful to know that I can adapt my behavour from "talking to NT mode" to "talking to autist traited person mode".

Actually this is closer to what I have been doing with the people that i feel display the traits, in my head I'm see them as ASD, which helps me to understand their communication/behaviours.

 

[Werefang]

Don't know if this is just me, but since I self diagnosed 12 months ago, I have noticed friends/work colleagues that now 'appear' to be as being on the spectrum, but I don't know if they are aware, as they have not indicated it previously. I have this need/want to tell them, but I never do as after thinking about it I realised(after much rumination) that it would be quite confronting to be told/suggested that you are on the spectrum if you have a NT 'idea' of Autism.
I hope i'm explaining this well, after reading lots of ASD books, watched hours of Youtube creators and podcasts i feel i'm much more able to pick up on the subtle ASD cues. I feel the need to share what I have learnt from my experiences and research, but don't want to offend them. It would be coming from a place of love/care for them and not criticising what they may feel as a character assassination against them.

I was going to say I too share a lot of Autistic traits but that doesn’t mean or give me the right to do a self diagnosis. Unless you are a trained professional or licensed therapist/psychologist/psychotherapist I would not self diagnose.. It is better to go get a proper evaluation done. The problem with self diagnosis is and always has been it can be wrong.. This is just my two cents comment on this. Kindly don’t take it the wrong way as I understand my words can come across as rude to a lot of people. I am trying very hard to correct this behavior for years… I come from a place of good heart and well I am a caring person…

As far as diagnosing others even if you come from a good place I would not go forward with this because this can cause not only a lot of retaliation and with good reasons or a lot of upset or not comfortable people. I would let them figure it out for themselves or simply let them go to a therapist of their own choosing…

To add to this, if you are worried it will take a year to get a diagnosis for Autism it’s literally only taking me a few weeks through a licensed evaluator through TeleHealth. It’s a first of its kind and really cheap through insurance. If ever curious or want to try it out please let me know. I feel she’s doing an incredible job asking all the right questions and getting mom’s input. So she’s definitely not in it for the money. Takes three whole assessments through video chat to arrive at a conclusion/result. I am very excited for the results.

 

[Werefang]

Thanks for everyone's feedback, duly noted. I guess i wish someone would have given me some clues 20 years ago, but also the understanding back then was vastly different. I have only admitted to 2 of my closest friends that I have self diagnosed and haven't feel comfortable enough to tell family, as i feel there is still a stigma. On one hand I want to tell the world and educate the world about what real world Autism is, with tshirt designs/3d print designs, but yet I dont feel comfortable to advocate face to face, imposter syndrome i guess.

Watching a lot of YouTube or videos in general this includes TikTok is not a good way to diagnose anyone or honestly learn much about anything. At the end of the day, the people expressing themselves on their are all going off of opinions and a bit of research sure. It is best not to tell anyone you are one thing or another until you get a real diagnosis from a trained professional. Unless you are studying to be a therapist or psychologist then I would not be excited over a self diagnosis… I would rather have someone who’s gone to school for this topic and graduated knowing this sort of thing versus someone who’s done research and watched videos online…

 

[Bergs]

Watching a lot of YouTube or videos in general this includes TikTok is not a good way to diagnose anyone or honestly learn much about anything. At the end of the day, the people expressing themselves on their are all going off of opinions and a bit of research sure. It is best not to tell anyone you are one thing or another until you get a real diagnosis from a trained professional. Unless you are studying to be a therapist or psychologist then I would not be excited over a self diagnosis… I would rather have someone who’s gone to school for this topic and graduated knowing this sort of thing versus someone who’s done research and watched videos online…

My main reasoning was for self diagnosing was sitting in on my son's testing last year, in which was generally registering higher than he did ,especially on the sensory testing. The parent question session in which I realised my childhood experiences were quite different from what is atypical, i found quite a confronting experience and cannot see the benefit from enduring that process over multiple sessions to determine something I'm very comfortable that it fits my brain (Now this also possibly just stubbornness, but i degress )

I fully value your offer for help and most importantly I appreciate the direct talking as this is the perfect place to discuss such topics and I have appreciated everyone's feedback with well articulated and reasoned thoughts. Whether its people pleasing or just wanting to help others, I hope I can find my own way to help others in the future on their ASD journey.

I personally believe the Youtube and Tiktok 'information' serve an important spreading of discussion/information/awareness, but everyone is different and what will be right for some will not be right for others. If they lead to more people feeling comfortable enough to go through the process of being formally diagnosed and in turn survive the NDIS Process (Australian disability support system), all the better.

In turn I hope my comments are taken as my opinion and not reflecting negatively or dismissive of any others on these subjects, I feel very glad that I started this post and got a lot of positive learnings from it.

 

[vergil96]

Actually this is closer to what I have been doing with the people that i feel display the traits, in my head I'm see them as ASD, which helps me to understand their communication/behaviours.

Good call. I think I find that I have to be more direct with some people, they won't get hints and require upfront instructions what to do first.