Tried to live a normal life with Autism and failed, not sure what do to next.

[theeviloneisyou]

I was diagnosed with Autism shortly before starting kindergarten. I had always been "higher-functioning" but I still had issues with my social skills and behavior. I would often get angry over small things and argue with classmates. Nevertheless, I got through high school and decided to go to college to become a history teacher. I chose teaching as a career because I wanted to help students who had the same issues as me find their way in life. Due to not having a car while in school, I wasn't able to get my teaching license, but I entered a lateral-entry program in my state and started working in the public schools as a teacher assistant. I worked as one-on-one for a child with severe Autism who was non-verbal and had to be monitored throughout the school day. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't control the child and I was let go after five months. After that, I was offered a job at an alternative school for children with behavioral issues. Things started out well at first. The student I was monitoring was much less demanding and I built a good relationship with them and their parents. I got along very well with my co-workers. I was even making enough money to finally buy my own car. But halfway through the school year, my student got in trouble after fighting another student and was taken out of school by his parents. I also had to deal with constant verbal abuse and harassment by the other students. They mocked me for my weight, would steal my stuff while I wasn't looking, and I was occasionally threatened with bodily harm. It got so bad that I would excuse myself, go to the teachers lounge and cry my eyes out. But even as I protested, the administrators did nothing about it. I wanted to stay on at the school, mainly because I was tired of constantly looking for jobs, but I was let go again.

I found another job at a high school in a different county. After briefly being a TA, I was given a chance to work as a special ed teacher so I could get my license. It was a disaster. I was completely unprepared (I went to school to teach history, not SPED), I couldn't keep up with my workload and licensure course load, I got sick, and I found out a friend of mine committed suicide. Eventually, I was so tired and upset that I snapped at my supervisor in front of two students. The principal gave me an ultimatum - either go back to being a TA or resign. I chose the former. The rest of that school year was pure misery. I was doing nothing but bouncing from classroom to classroom supposedly proctoring tests, but that rarely happened. The principal told me in a meeting that I would be better off working at Burger King, and I was let go yet again at the end of the year.

Since then, things have only gotten worse. My depression came back to the point of me having suicidal thoughts, I had to sell my old games and consoles just to afford groceries, and I had to give up my car a month ago. I thought I had finally turned a corner in my life and found something I could be great at, but it was all a mirage. Now I don't know what to do with myself. I'm 27 (turning 28 in April), I still live with my mother, I've been unemployed for nine months, and my career prospects are nonexistent. The grocery store near my house won't even hire me for god's sake. Is there a way for me to get through this, or am I just destined to be a jobless loser because of my Autism?

 

[jsilver256]

A couple of questions:

First, you mention you thought found something you could be great at. What exactly was that "something?" When did you feel at your best and most competent?

Second, why won't the grocery store hire you? Is it because you had scheduling requirements or something else?

 

[theeviloneisyou]

A couple of questions:

First, you mention you thought found something you could be great at. What exactly was that "something?" When did you feel at your best and most competent?

Second, why won't the grocery store hire you? Is it because you had scheduling requirements or something else?

1. I thought I could be a great teacher, or barring that, a great teacher assistant. I believe I was at my best when I was working with my student at the alternative school before they were taken out by their parents. I was good at handling them and communicating with their parents.

2. I don't know. I have no scheduling conflicts to speak of and I live literally four minutes away. Maybe they think I'm overqualified because of my college education.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

It is a world for neurotypicals, no doubt. However, with some understanding of perspective (yours and theirs), understanding and amplifying your strengths, understanding your current limitations, but also leaning into things that are difficult (for personal growth), and surrounding yourself with a support system of people that understand how to "deal with people", autism does not have to be an unemployment sentence.

Many of us want to be respected by others, but we also desire some degree of self-respect. Many of us also gain some self-satisfaction with giving of ourselves, with or without a living wage. For some, work is simply a means to an end, but for others it gives them a necessary purpose for living.

I work at a huge metropolitan hospital. I am approaching retirement. However, there are a handful of doctors and nurses that are in their 70's, a few in their 80's. Why don't they retire? They don't need the money. However, for them, it gives them purpose for living. Many people, if they don't have hobbies and special interests, people around them to share life, they decline quickly mentally and physically, and die prematurely.

I don't know where you live or if you have a hospital in your area, but we have people that work with the children playing games, holding hands during procedures, sitting in their rooms, taking them out of their rooms for walks, etc. Basically, taking the child's mind off of their situation.

Many towns will have centers that work with autistic children, as well.

From your description, it appears that you have something to offer. It may be that you simply had a bad experience with your former employer. Internalize it as a learning experience and keep moving forward.

 

[jsilver256]

Okay. I don't know if this advice will help, but in my experience, workplaces vary widely. A group of people will take on a personality of its own.

I had a job once in a culture where everyone was hyper-sensitive and I got reported all the time, even when I literally said nothing, I just didn't have the right facial expression. I have not been reported to HR anywhere else. It was the organizational culture that made the people intolerant of normal autistic blunt/stoic behavior.

If you enjoyed doing something, and you felt like you were doing a good job, I would trust that instinct. Yes, you are a great teacher / teacher assistant! The problem then becomes finding an environment that maximizes what you are competent in and minimizes your weaknesses.

What is holding you back from finding another teacher assistant job? Lack of certification? Needing help in job searching? Bad interviewing? Or something else?

 

[theeviloneisyou]

It is a world for neurotypicals, no doubt. However, with some understanding of perspective (yours and theirs), understanding and amplifying your strengths, understanding your current limitations, but also leaning into things that are difficult (for personal growth), and surrounding yourself with a support system of people that understand how to "deal with people", autism does not have to be an unemployment sentence.

Many of us want to be respected by others, but we also desire some degree of self-respect. Many of us also gain some self-satisfaction with giving of ourselves, with or without a living wage. For some, work is simply a means to an end, but for others it gives them a necessary purpose for living.

I work at a huge metropolitan hospital. I am approaching retirement. However, there are a handful of doctors and nurses that are in their 70's, a few in their 80's. Why don't they retire? They don't need the money. However, for them, it gives them purpose for living. Many people, if they don't have hobbies and special interests, people around them to share life, they decline quickly mentally and physically, and die prematurely.

I don't know where you live or if you have a hospital in your area, but we have people that work with the children playing games, holding hands during procedures, sitting in their rooms, taking them out of their rooms for walks, etc. Basically, taking the child's mind off of their situation.

Many towns will have centers that work with autistic children, as well.

From your description, it appears that you have something to offer. It may be that you simply had a bad experience with your former employer. Internalize it as a learning experience and keep moving forward.

I don't really see how I can at this point. No one wants to hire me whether I disclose my disability or not. How can you move forward when you can't even move into employment?

 

[theeviloneisyou]

Okay. I don't know if this advice will help, but in my experience, workplaces vary widely. A group of people will take on a personality of its own.

I had a job once in a culture where everyone was hyper-sensitive and I got reported all the time, even when I literally said nothing, I just didn't have the right facial expression. I have not been reported to HR anywhere else. It was the organizational culture that made the people intolerant of normal autistic blunt/stoic behavior.

If you enjoyed doing something, and you felt like you were doing a good job, I would trust that instinct. Yes, you are a great teacher / teacher assistant! The problem then becomes finding an environment that maximizes what you are competent in and minimizes your weaknesses.

What is holding you back from finding another teacher assistant job? Lack of certification? Needing help in job searching? Bad interviewing? Or something else?

No school in my area wants to hire me. To make a long story short, there were too many incidents of me losing my temper with students. I don't want to go back either though. I was treated like garbage (eg. the aforementioned verbal abuse and the principal who told me, a college-educated adult that I'd be better off working at Burger King)

 

[jsilver256]

Do you understand what triggers you losing your temper? Was it the group setting (too many students)?

Have you looked into respite care? It sounds like you might be a good fit for respite care.

 

[theeviloneisyou]

Do you understand what triggers you losing your temper? Was it the group setting (too many students)?

Have you looked into respite care? It sounds like you might be a good fit for respite care.

My triggers were students mocking me and not doing as they were told. In hindsight, it was probably foolish of me to get into the education field.

I'll consider respite care.

 

[jsilver256]

No, no, you aren't foolish to get into the education field. You clearly have a passion and you feel like you're great at it. Think the boundaries of that passion through.

What about the students you don't have trouble with, what did they have in common? Are there any group of students you particularly enjoy working with? Like ASD3 students?

 

[jsilver256]

Were there times when you felt like you could handle the mocking/disobedience? If there were, then perhaps the actual trigger was something else. I personally find that being irritable is often just a symptom of something else, something that is completely unrelated to the person irritating me.

 

[theeviloneisyou]

No, no, you aren't foolish to get into the education field. You clearly have a passion and you feel like you're great at it. Think the boundaries of that passion through.

What about the students you don't have trouble with, what did they have in common? Are there any group of students you particularly enjoy working with? Like ASD3 students?

I prefer working with older students, high school aged or older. They're more mature and don't need to be redirected as often. Alas, it's pointless. As I said before, no school in my area wants to hire me. I've been more or less blacklisted and my time in education was so soul-crushing I have no desire to go back. I want to find a job where I know what I have to do on a day-to-day basic, can make decent money, and am actually respected by my superiors.

 

[Fino]

I didn't read everything because it's a bit too long for me, but why would you want to lead a normal life?

 

[theeviloneisyou]

I didn't read everything because it's a bit too long for me, but why would you want to lead a normal life?

Because my entire life I've been told that I was a loser, and that I would never amount to anything. And the thing I wanted more than anything was to prove those people wrong and shove it in their faces.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I don't really see how I can at this point. No one wants to hire me whether I disclose my disability or not. How can you move forward when you can't even move into employment?

Remind me again why no one wants to hire you? A bit of a loaded question, but it points out others perspectives. That is, how you are perceived. You mentioned issues with emotional control, for one. A lack of emotional control within the workplace almost always results in disrespect from others, it just does. Most people are anything but empathetic when it comes to this. It opens you up for being alienated and picked upon.

Furthermore, varying degrees of depression often result in an "inner view" of one's life, anger, frustration, susceptibility to being "triggered". Versus, thinking "outward" that often results in giving life experiences that create happiness and dopamine release.

Employers really get excited when they interview and have candidates that are enthusiastic about helping the employer. If you can't "toot your own horn" during a job interview, offer them something positive, then why should they hire you over another candidate? Perspective.

Three things within the work environment:
1. Emotional control. Don't react. Push it down.
2. Outward thinking. Give of yourself. Be there for others. Be that "go to" person.
3. Research the business/company beforehand. Instead of the employer interviewing you, flip it around. Interview them. Bring up all the ways you can help them accomplish their goals. Once you are hired, follow up with them, seek more responsibility, "How can I help you?" (outward thinking).