Overwhelmed With Making Decisions

[KevinMao133]

It’s hard living on earth, it’s even harder to live well on this planet

I have a hard time with everything that’s going on, with multiple decisions to make at once

It has gotten to the point where I feel like my confidence is lost, as I have to balance several things at once and constantly have to battle with the devil, the demonic side in me to prevent me from going off and losing everything I have

Again, communication is a big issue as I have a hard time talking to people and explaining to them why I’m attending or not attending a certain event

I’m just lost right now. I don’t know what to do. I have things to do and can’t attending every single event but with the way people is asking me, pressuring me, I feel easily overwhelmed and when I feel overwhelmed, my brain malfunctions and I go into full meltdown mode

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Sometimes it can be a bit nebulous when it comes to "what came first", the physiologically stressed autistic brain,...or,...how we interpret all the emotional stressors in our lives. Obviously, there is a progression of just how much stress we can take before we fall into "autistic burnout" and eventually have a "meltdown" or "shutdown". From your post, you appear to be well into the autistic burnout phase. I think many of us have been there at one time or another,...sometimes it's a "peak and trough" thing, coming and going, up and down, every few months in cycles.

I can not overemphasize the extreme importance that as an autistic, our brains, physiologically ARE different and do need some extra care. We simply cannot go about our lives and not take special care of our brains. It is an organ, like the heart, kidneys, liver, pancreas, etc. But instead of having changes in cardiac output, renal output, blood sugar, etc.,...the brain can have varying degrees of cerebral edema caused by oxidant-to-antioxidant imbalances, neurotransmitter imbalances, and be sensitive to vasoactivity such as too much insulin-related vasodilation, caffeine stimulation, migraines, etc. Once the autistic brain is in this phase of "out-of-balance", every day things are going to "trigger" you, your vision, your hearing, your mental focus, your emotional states,...all of it goes down,...and you become your worst you.

It took me a few years, but personally, I have found that a handful of things help my brain function. Do your own research, sometimes it's a bit of trial and error, but some things to try:
1. L-theanine 200mg am and pm. (glutamine blocker)
2. Resveratrol 500-700mg am and pm. (antioxidant)
3. Chelated magnesium 400-800mg am and pm. (vascular smooth muscle relaxant)
4. Melatonin 5-10mg pm (sleep aid, antioxidant)
5. Minimize carb intake and artificial sweeteners. If I use a sweetener, it is stevia,...it doesn't stimulate insulin.
6. A broad-spectrum, highly concentrated probiotic. (neurotransmitter support)
7. Caffeine can overstimulate the brain, and if you are in a burnout phase, it is only going to exacerbate the situation. If you are a regular caffeine user, slowly back off over several days, otherwise you might have rebound headaches.

Do a PubMed and/or Google Scholar search for medical literature ("autism and L-theanine", etc.) on these topics and make your own decisions based upon the science. Personally, I have found it is the combination of things that work best for me. I am not on any anti-depressants or anti-psychotic medications,...if you are,...consult with your doctor and/or check WebMD for any potential interactions with your current medications.

 

[Suzette]

I can relate to this post. I've been there man times before.

This statement caught my eye

have a hard time with everything that’s going on, with multiple decisions to make at once

Sometimes the things we think are "imminent" or need our immediate attention when they don't not really.

Which thing is the biggest, hardest descicion to make? Tackle that one right now. When that one is done you may find that some of the other things have resolved on their own or their immportance has dimminished.

Just a few words of "wisdom" from experience - I have discovered that many desicions aren't nearly as important as we think. We have been trained to think so much of what we do will alter the trajectory of the world. But that's just not true. By the time we have completed important tasks or made up our minds, something somewhere else in the world has changed and everything we did has little effect.

I don't say this to discourage you. I hope it helps ease your mind so that you can let go a little and just trust yourself to make the best choice you can right now. You will never have enough info and you will never be clairvoyant. You are just you. And "just you" is more than adequate to do whatever you need to do.

 

[KevinMao133]

I can relate to this post. I've been there man times before.

This statement caught my eye


Sometimes the things we think are "imminent" or need our immediate attention when they don't not really.

Which thing is the biggest, hardest descicion to make? Tackle that one right now. When that one is done you may find that some of the other things have resolved on their own or their immportance has dimminished.

Just a few words of "wisdom" from experience - I have discovered that many desicions aren't nearly as important as we think. We have been trained to think so much of what we do will alter the trajectory of the world. But that's just not true. By the time we have completed important tasks or made up our minds, something somewhere else in the world has changed and everything we did has little effect.

I don't say this to discourage you. I hope it helps ease your mind so that you can let go a little and just trust yourself to make the best choice you can right now. You will never have enough info and you will never be clairvoyant. You are just you. And "just you" is more than adequate to do whatever you need to do.

the thing that is difficult is this: how do I explain to someone about my decisions? I made a decision already, what is important what’s not. Now how to convey them to words, that’s difficult

 

[Judge]

Sometimes the things we think are "imminent" or need our immediate attention when they don't not really.

Good point. My OCD can certainly "color" that scenario all too often. Making life itself a challenge at times.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I run across this situation on a daily basis at work in the hospital. I often say I pretty much have 3-4 boiling pots on the stove at a time,...and yes, you do have to prioritize on the fly as clinical situations are very fluid. As much as I would like to have things come at me one at a time,...they just don't. Get a text, a call, another text, all within a few minutes,...if I can't get a co-worker to do it,..."You're #2 in the queue",..."You're #3 in the queue". I cannot take time to explain myself, and if I do,...people get pissed because they are lacking the perspective that there are 200 other staff members and 110 other little babies on that unit demanding my attention at any given time. Like you,...especially in the heat of the moment,...I am not calm and thinking clearly enough to have a quiet, calm, rational discussion with someone else who is in an emotional state of mind.

At some point, we all have to step back and realize we are one person,...and there is NO such thing as multi-tasking,...just piss poor attempts at doing two things badly. If you are in a state of mind where you have the weight of the world on your shoulders,...you will fail.

Now, if it is something like you are in a state of autism burnout and you just want to hide in a dark closet with noise-cancelling headphones,...a neurotypical probably will not have the perspective to understand why you are turning down social events. If you are in that state of mind, your verbal skills are not at their best either,...so, although you think it appropriate to try to explain yourself because you are concerned about how others think of you,...it's a loosing situation.

 

[Suzette]

the thing that is difficult is this: how do I explain to someone about my decisions? I made a decision already, what is important what’s not. Now how to convey them to words, that’s difficult

You just tell them. Don't explain. Let them ask questions of what they want to know. But you don't have to have an answer.
The trick to getting others to respect your descions is not to convince them it is a valid descion, but to be firm and believe in your own descion.

 

[Judge]

Perspective. Cut yourself some slack from time to time as well.

Keeping in mind that for a number of those on the spectrum, producing your thoughts into the right words in real time may be arduous- even impossible at times. It just happens.

Where some might be able to overcome this while others won't. It's just the reality of autism for some. Where you learn to use what you have rather than what you wish you had.

 

[Markness]

@KevinMao133 Are you familiar with the term analysis paralysis?

 

[Aspychata]

I have given this issue some consideration and have decided on this- insert decision statement.

I have made this decision which l know you will respect- insert decision.

Finally figured out what l chose to do- insert decision. I know you will respect my choice because this isn't up for discussions.

Standing up for ourself is extremely important and you can start out small, and start taking baby steps every day. Are people going to argue or try to manipulate. I would say yes, because these types do exist. You need to stand your ground. You can state, l understand you disagree however this is my decision to make. My choice may not be your choice but people may disagree and that's okay.

 

[Au Naturel]

It’s hard living on earth, it’s even harder to live well on this planet

I have a hard time with everything that’s going on, with multiple decisions to make at once

It has gotten to the point where I feel like my confidence is lost, as I have to balance several things at once and constantly have to battle with the devil, the demonic side in me to prevent me from going off and losing everything I have

Again, communication is a big issue as I have a hard time talking to people and explaining to them why I’m attending or not attending a certain event

I’m just lost right now. I don’t know what to do. I have things to do and can’t attending every single event but with the way people is asking me, pressuring me, I feel easily overwhelmed and when I feel overwhelmed, my brain malfunctions and I go into full meltdown mode

Prioritize.

There are things that must be done in sequence & there are things that must be done in parallel. There are things that can be done at any time and things that are firmly scheduled. There are things that can be subcontracted out or an assistant found to help with. There are also things you can refuse to do. There are things that have severe consequences if they are not done and things that have few consequences.

Tell people to back off if need be. Your dance card is full. People will often pile stuff onto you until you refuse to take on any more. Accept that no job is worth your mental health.

Using all this information draw up a flow chart of how and when things need to be done. There may be so many things you need to do that they cannot all be done. Cross them off the list. Get to work on the most important stuff and ignore the rest until their turn comes.

Most of all, be content that you did what you could.

 

[KevinMao133]

@KevinMao133 Are you familiar with the term analysis paralysis?

nope

 

[KevinMao133]

Now, if it is something like you are in a state of autism burnout and you just want to hide in a dark closet with noise-cancelling headphones,...a neurotypical probably will not have the perspective to understand why you are turning down social events. If you are in that state of mind, your verbal skills are not at their best either,...so, although you think it appropriate to try to explain yourself because you are concerned about how others think of you,...it's a loosing situation.

this. Neurotypicals don’t care about feelings it seems. It’s like burnouts never happen to them. Don’t know if they are pretending or not but they seem to have endless energies. They only care about results, not processes

 

[Neonatal RRT]

this. Neurotypicals don’t care about feelings it seems. It’s like burnouts never happen to me. Don’t know if they are pretending or not but they seem to have endless energies. They only care about results, not processes

You've hit upon a few things here: With regards to whether or not anyone cares about feelings, I can see where it could be construed that way. With only caring about results,...and not processes, feelings, or excuses,...often that is true. If you are one to expect a certain outcome,...but it is dependent upon another to achieve that result,...then yes, you tend to think of yourself and how it affects you, and because you are in a bit of an emotional state, another's perspective is not part of your logic. EDIT: A Vulcan mindset is probably a better way to go, turn off the emotions, then you'll be clear-headed enough to consider another's perspective. Live long and prosper.

Endless energies,...If you are neurotypical, then it is likely you are not dealing with all the sensory, motor, intellectual, and social issues that an autistic is. Our brains work ALOT harder.