New and Confused

[Meili]

I'm 45 years old and my therapist just diagnosed me with Asperger's. I also suffer from Complex PTSD.

While it explains a lot about my life and why my relationships fail, I'm not sure what to do with the information. I'm trying to find better ways to handle interpersonal relationships and coping mechanisms.

I'm currently trying to salvage a failed/failing relationship with the woman that I was supposed to marry. She exhibits many of the traits of someone with borderline personality disorder, so everything is extra tough. Because I tend to obsess over things, and since the relationship was very important to me, I feel consumed, confused, and depressed. But, the diagnosis may have been a really good thing. It seems to have changed that relationship dynamic for the better.

So, now I'm trying to learn about Asperger's and role it plays in my relationships. I know that my perceived need for a routine does play a part. Anytime there is a change, even the good change mentioned above, I struggle.

What I don't know is whether things like my insecurities, inclination to be depressed, and severe anxiety regarding social situations are a result of Asperger's, and if so, what do I do about them?

 

[Judge]

What I don't know is whether things like my insecurities, inclination to be depressed, and severe anxiety regarding social situations are a result of Asperger's, and if so, what do I do about them?

Welcome to AC.

Forms of depression tend to be classified as comorbid conditions relative to Aspergers Syndrome. The simultaneous existence of a distinctly separate condition. Although it still confuses me as to whether or not social anxiety is comorbid to Aspergers Syndrome, or simply a manifestation of it.

 

[StephF]

Hi there

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

It's difficult to tell whether anxiety and depression are part of the condition, or a result of it, i.e. brought on by struggling with things that other people take in their stride, being unable to sustain a relationship and the frustration and misery which that brings, feeling bombarded with pressure to cope, conform etc.
I have found I'm a lot less anxious and more comfortable in my own skin since I've been out of the workplace, with the exception of a nightmare situation I went through last year, nothing to do with work, which dragged me down into depression. Thankfully, it's over now and I'm back to normal, but it has got me thinking it could be the latter; but don't quote me on it, I'm neither a doctor nor a psychologist, and it may be more complex than that, at least for some people.

 

[Meili]

Thank you for the replies.

I suppose that Katherine is right, it is probably difficult to determine where the anxiety and depression come from. It looks like a chicken and egg thing.

 

[Katherine Rawstron]

If your partner has behavioural issues, you might be better off separating, even if only for a while until you've got your head around your diagnosis and sorted yourself out; it doesn't mean you can't remain friends, but you may need to establish boundaries, such as frequency and length of visits, what you do together and what you'd rather leave out of the equation for a while, etc.
See a counsellor to help you process the information, learn some coping strategies and work out a way forward.