• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Need Advice

X

XOTeddyBear

Well-Known Member
Hello, my name is Amber and my Aspie boyfriend, Ted, proposed to me on Christmas Eve. I am 30 and Ted is 29 and we have been together for 2 1/2 years. I would really appreciate any advice you have on being married to an Aspie. I really want our marriege to be successful and I know the more I know about Asperger's the more I can understand Ted and have a happy marriage. Thank-you.
 
I, first and foremost, would like to say:

welcome-to-aspies-central.jpg

How much does Asperger's affect your husband? Does he seem to be able to cope well in life? If so, I think you'll manage fine. If you guys have had a relationship that's lasted 2 1/2 years, I can't see how your marriage won't work out. Have there been many, if any, shortcomings during your time as a couple?

I recommend that you do a bit of research online about Asperger's and ASDs in general to gain insight on the condition. This page, though short, describes ASDs quite well. Once you gain a better understanding of ASDs, you may be able to cope with your husband's differences in a better way. It may be tough, if not impossible, to reduce your husband's ASD traits, but if you acknowledge and accept the fact that your husband will never be "normal", things should be better in the long run.

Good luck. If you think it would be necessary to seek professional assistance and/or marriage counseling, by all means, go for it.
 
Last edited:
You could try reading "The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood. They have a section dedicated to Long-Term Relationships and married couples. That may help.
But, like ??? said, you've been together for 2 1/2 years, so marriage should be fine. :)
 
Good article ??? But as I was reading it there were some things I felt untrue. But as I thought through it, I realized that the important thing is to remember that everyone is different, and has different strengths and weaknesses. I have been in a relationship for 13 years and that I think is one reason I manage to do as well as I do. The flip side is that he doesn't understand what it's like for me, and often dismisses what I say as overreacting, and I know some of my aspie traits make him crazy, but what couple doesn't have some areas they don't get along.
 
I agree with what pretty much everybody in this article mentions, that everything should be ok as long as you accept that your husband will have his quirks and won't really be "normal" most of the time. It does also depend too, because not all Aspies are the same, but like has been mentioned, if you have been with him two and a half years, you probably already have a good idea of how his Asperger's affects him. My wife accepted really early on that I was different, she didn't know at that time that I was probably an Aspie though. Since we have come to the realization that I probably do have Asperger's, it hasn't changed our relationship one bit, if anything it has made it stronger.
 
I think that honestly, you require no specific information about Asperger's to have a successful marriage.

You need the same as what any other relationship would require. Good communication, with both partners able and willing to share their wants and needs with both partners also possessing a desire to fulfill those wants and needs.

The best bit of of advice would be, If you ever feel you partner has wronged you or is being unreasonable to you... simply ask them about it.

Also remember that Aspie's can be quite literal. So when you are feeling emotional, say what you need to say in extremely semantic/pedantic/stilted language.
 
My situation is similar. My son Quintin (4years now) was diagnosed 6 months ago. At this time I did a lot of research and came to the conclusion my husband of 20 years has Aspergers all along. We faught over so many 'strange' things. I am now understanding more about him.
Our relationship is getting better because I know his traits can't be changed , I'm learning how to live with and understand him so much more. Such a relief .
 
The most important thing to remember is that he is a lot less likely than most guys to pick up on less than absolutely direct verbal cues and especially non-verbal cues. You may need to spell things out for him at times.

He may be uncommunicative at times - this may not mean that he is upset about something or that he doesn't like you.

He may want to avoid certain situations. He may have sensory issues that would make it unpleasant for him to attend a rock concert, he may have social anxiety or social dysfunction that may make him appear rude to your friends and family in social situations.

Good luck, us guys on the spectrum are awesome. And since many of us find it difficult to get a girlfriend or wife we appreciate them a whole lot more.
 
I understand the feeling of an autistic, who is all too happy to have a love interest, who is an Aspie, and then letting her go for another autistic individual. They all live in America... And that friend did wished his ex well.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom