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Dreading the weekend

Pats

Pats

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I've been a nervous wreck all week because I'm dreading this weekend. Two of my granddaughters are in cheer/dance with the same team that my kids grew up in. They have their local competition Sunday and I want to see them compete, but it involves finding the location and driving there (driving an hour). It means getting up earlier than my usual to give myself time to get ready and means I have to leave here about the time I'm usually getting up - and the difficulty getting to sleep this week, that is not going to be easy. It means fighting the crowd, finding my daughter and her family (and you know how hard that can be in a crowd with no faces) to sit with. It's loud and everyone's emotions are sky high. And it's going to bring back memories, so I may get teary-eyed.
I have told my daughter that if she needs me to babysit the 4 week old baby I would. She said the girls really want me to go but she would let me know. Its now in 3 days and I still don't know if I'm babysitting or going to the competition. And after agreeing to babysit if needed, I now realize that I would have to be there even earlier because they will need to leave even earlier to get the girls there - so they would need to leave there about the time I would leave here if I go to the competition, which is already early for me. Not knowing which I'm doing seems to have doubled the anxiety because now instead of dreading just the one things, I'm dreading either or - along with not knowing.
I hate morning things anyway, because with IBS, you can't just jump out of bed and go.
How do others deal with this type of stuff? (The reason I have a hard time committing to being somewhere at a certain time - never know how I'm going to be feeling, especially mornings.)
 
I don't have all the family ties you have. However that said, I vowed many years ago not to allow much of anyone to "put me on the spot". The stress isn't worth it. Whether others in your personal orbit understand or not.

That if and when I say "no" to something, that's it. Not up for debate- even with family.
 
Pats said:
I've been a nervous wreck all week because I'm dreading this weekend. Two of my granddaughters are in cheer/dance with the same team that my kids grew up in. They have their local competition Sunday and I want to see them compete, but it involves finding the location and driving there (driving an hour). It means getting up earlier than my usual to give myself time to get ready and means I have to leave here about the time I'm usually getting up - and the difficulty getting to sleep this week, that is not going to be easy. It means fighting the crowd, finding my daughter and her family (and you know how hard that can be in a crowd with no faces) to sit with. It's loud and everyone's emotions are sky high. And it's going to bring back memories, so I may get teary-eyed.
I have told my daughter that if she needs me to babysit the 4 week old baby I would. She said the girls really want me to go but she would let me know. Its now in 3 days and I still don't know if I'm babysitting or going to the competition. And after agreeing to babysit if needed, I now realize that I would have to be there even earlier because they will need to leave even earlier to get the girls there - so they would need to leave there about the time I would leave here if I go to the competition, which is already early for me. Not knowing which I'm doing seems to have doubled the anxiety because now instead of dreading just the one things, I'm dreading either or - along with not knowing.
I hate morning things anyway, because with IBS, you can't just jump out of bed and go.
How do others deal with this type of stuff? (The reason I have a hard time committing to being somewhere at a certain time - never know how I'm going to be feeling, especially mornings.)
Click to expand...
I just remember would it be the last time I would ever see them again and if it was ,I would definitely go ,For IBS eat watery food the day before ,it rests the digestive tract.
Don't have any stimulants, have barely any sugar ,make sure your magnesium ,potassium and vitamin b levels are where they should be.
 
It's not easy being in limbo, not knowing what you're doing. Being flexible is one thing, changing plans which involve personal responsibility at the drop of a hat is another, more turbulent kettle of fish! You need to find out today what you're going to be doing to have any chance of preparing.
 
The situation would be unbearable and I wouldn’t be able to do it. It would make me sick to wait for the decisions of others, the driving, the babysitting, just everything.
I know I wouldn’t go, I would think of a good excuse. But if you want to go then you need to whittle away the stressors. Like give them a deadline to decide what they want you to do. Plan out your route including restrooms along the way. Gas up the car and plan to take snacks for yourself.
Just thinking about it makes me anxious and I’m not even the one that has to go!
Do you want to go or do you feel obligated?
 
I hate having to get up early, and especially for something that I didn't want to do in the first place. I feel tired and off-kilter for the whole day afterwards. Also, things like dancing or cheerleading have no interest for me whatsover... I really don't get this cheerleading thing at all, it all sounds like a nightmare to me, for which one needs a lot of patience and courage. I think I'd just have to keep singing to myself "I will survive... I will survive" :)
 
When I was single, I did a lot of driving, 100,000s miles in search of a life and a home and a career. I definitely got my money's worth out of my bottom-of-the-line brand new little grey Ford mustang and kinda liked traveling around thinking out loud and singing at the top of my lungs with no one to tell me what a bad person I was to do those things. Now with all the new technology making the roads so unsafe, it's scary. The majority of the drivers in this country concentrate the majority of their attention talking, texting, sexting and raging on their cellphones. It's no longer the occassional drunk you have to watch out for, but mostly cell phones addicts, chemically impaired and sleep deprived idiots out there. I am so glad I married an expert dodge 'em car enthusiast who's the safest most skilled driver on the road. I LOVE being chauffeured. The most stressful part of a road trip is arriving at the destination.

My heart goes out to you this weekend. I understand what you are going through firsthand. I used to get summoned for the obligatory holiday visit by the people who were assigned to raise me. I never knew what to expect. The husband was kind but the wife always hated me and sometimes was so spiteful the minute I walked through the door that I would turn around and drive all the way back to my empty apartment. It was a 3 to 4 hour drive each way. Since I grew up without a family, I didn't have any place else to go. My best friend's parents were divorced, so she had two places to go. Then she married a man, also from a broken home and had kids, which meant she had to tote the young ones through 3 states to 4 different grandparents' houses every Xmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, etc. She was exhausted! I also know this one married with children guy who found a clever solution to the family bickering and extensive travel situation. He bought a big house and hosts a big party on every holiday and birthday from 1pm to 7pm. Everyone who wants to visit with him and his wife and kids are welcome (and well fed!) but they have to behave in a friendly civilized manner or they have to leave early.

I learned to always make a plan B and C. My husband and I kept getting invitations from people who would insist we drive long distance to stay at their place overnight for a few days to help them with something. Once whatever they wanted us to do for them was complete, then they didn't have room for us to sleep at their place so we'd be out in the street having to drive home in rush hour or in the middle of the night. We started coming prepared with alternate accomodations, like bringing our camping gear to set up on their front lawn or making other plans that required we leave before the task was complete. We finally realized we didn't need these people in our lives. They never cared about us and never would, no matter how great we treated them.
 
I know what you mean @TempeFan and I've been there. These days I'm content with just my wife's company and very little else in terms of non-work, human, face to face contact.
The odd extension to that is that there are several people I have come across in this community that I think would be lovely people to meet IRL including yourself and @Pats who started this thread.
It's never likely to happen because of the thousands of miles between us all, but I'm glad to have connected online with you and so many others :)
 
Thanks all you guys for your comments and understanding. When Michael came through we lost power and just got it back on this evening and I'm glad to be back on the grid. :)
I did go to the competition yesterday and glad I went but it was a horrible day that was one of those days that made me realize just how autistic I am. lol I may get long winded so if you don't want to read it all, don't feel obligated. :)
Got up early with plans to stop and get a biscuit for breakfast (looked forward to getting something besides a poptart) but drove through a couple places and both were out of breakfast stuff (many without power). I'm also needing to look for a bank because my daughter told me that morning it was cash only to get in, and there's not a lot between here and where I was going in Winston-Salem. Mostly two lane and crews out working on cutting trees and working on power lines so having to stop for one way traffic here and there it was taking me forever to get there. I found a bank and put in my card and asked for $60 withdrawal - to have cash for lunch and whatever. Got my card back and receipt but no cash. At this point I realized I was pounding on the seat beside me and was feeling a major meltdown coming. I'm wanting to just turn around and go back home but I keep going - maybe late. So I'm following the directions I had already written down from google map earlier last week and I'm driving down this two lane for several miles and run up on a road closed. Uh - that was my only directions, now what??? So I make a u turn and turn down another road and end up lost. Now I'm thinking 'first place that looks familiar - if it's headed home I'm going home, if it's closer to where I think I'm going I'll go on'. Well, it took me to the interstate going into Winston so I go and get off on the #road from the other end and will try to get there that way. I did and cars parked all up and down the road so I had to park a ways off. Then had to go in and look through all the faceless crowds to find my daughter and son in law - the place was packed. I found them and actually got there before it started and it was LOUD - we were right at the speakers, too. My daughter had the baby with her and said she couldn't have me babysit because both my granddaughters had been telling everyone that they were excited that I was going to come to watch them. (See why I had to go?) So I got the baby from her and said it was perfect because as upset as I was I needed to rock and the baby gave me a good excuse. Once the thing started, it just got worse - so loud, more and more crowded to the point I could not move and the seat were concrete and wasn't long before my back and hips were hurting. My granddaughter's squads performed near the last but one more squad after them and I told my daughter I HAD to go out. I was literally shaking. Once I get outside I decide I didn't want to deal with the traffic leaving so I went ahead and left and texted my daughter that I'd meet them for lunch and I went to Walmart to pick up some more things I needed - more candles, more batteries and a battery operated boombox so I could have something to listen to at least. lol
So met for lunch and I held the baby, which (not someone else's) but nothing is more calming than holding one of your own's sleeping baby, so it actually helped me start to calm down. And driving back (got tickled when I read @TempeFan 's post) drove home with the stereo up and singing at the top of my lungs because I was so glad to be going home. lol
And I also don't get the cheerleading, but my girls were into it and now their girls are. I couldn't do a cheer move any more than a dance more - I would look like the tin man trying to cheer and dance. lol But I needed to go for them and glad I did and still recovering. Last night listened to the boom box until late with one foot beating with the drums, another beating with the bass and my hand petting the dog along with the lead guitar. :) Was still trying to get everything out of my system.
 
Welcome home!
I'm glad I didn't finish my post before you left. It seems to have gotten to you just when you needed it.
That trip would be too much for anybody. Perserverence really is your aspy power.
You should keep earplugs in your glove compartment, not just for any passengers who might ride with you when you are in a good mood but so you can have 'em when they sit you next to the speakers.
 
TempeFan said:
Welcome home!
I'm glad I didn't finish my post before you left. It seems to have gotten to you just when you needed it.
That trip would be too much for anybody. Perserverence really is your aspy power.
You should keep earplugs in your glove compartment, not just for any passengers who might ride with you when you are in a good mood but so you can have 'em when they sit you next to the speakers.
Click to expand...
But, I can't sing out if someone's in the car with me - so no one ever needs the earplugs to be around me. lol
 
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