Dearest Son,
I know that you posted as Leeder Kreenon on a different Asperger’s forum from the biographical information that you provided. It has been 12 years since you last spoke to me. You are so well insulated from me that I have no way to tell you things that you really would want to know.
Everybody that your mother knows treats me as if I am criminally insane. Nobody will talk to me. You, your mother, and her whole family have never explained to me why all communication has been cut off. You probably assume that it is obvious to me. Guess what? It wasn’t, because the reasons are all based upon false information.
I will never accuse your mother of deliberately lying to you. But it turns out that she formed delusional beliefs about me, and never discussed them with me. But she apparently told everybody else these things, except for your brother and your sister.
It took me years to begin to understand what misinformation existed. In fact, reading your posts on the other forum was the first time that I heard about some of these things. At the time, I assumed that your first step-father lied to you. It took years for me to even imagine that your mother also believed these things.
Here is a short list denying the delusional beliefs that your mother formed about me. (Explanations to follow.):
1) I have NEVER had a psychotic episode.
2) I have never refused the advice of my psychiatrists. I did not change psychiatrists in order to avoid taking anti-psychotic medication.
My California psychiatrist is ready to support the things he knows about the explanations that I give below as to why your mother still believes these things. I knew at one time that she had falsely concluded that I was psychotic when her mind was melting down. But I thought that she got over that belief when I was finally diagnosed with ADD.
3) I never INTENTIONALLY tried to psychologically torture your mother.
4) My whole criminal record is false. Your first step-father had a talent for perjury.
There have been numerous other false allegations about me that would not have been believable if people did not believe these other things about me. I probably do not know what all of them were. But I never stalked or threatened your mother. Even you seem to believe that you saw me driving through your neighborhood in 2004 or 2005. That did not happen.
There were other false allegations: (This is just a partial list of the most ludicrous ones
5) I have never manufactured Meth!
6) I did not try to give your sister illegal drugs.
7) I did not harass your grandmother after her heart attack. (In fact, we had a very pleasant visit before I made the mistake of responding a comment that she made by telling her the truth about your mother’s choices in family court.)
*******************************
I am hoping that when (if) you read the explanations for false allegations 1)..3), you will be able to consider the idea that almost everything else that you might hold against me is also a misrepresentation.
It is true that I have spent much effort trying to contact you, in spite of your desire to avoid me. And I know that you hold that against me as well. But I am your father. I love you. And I knew that you had been alienated by false information. I just did not know what that information was until recently. What father would accept such a situation without trying to contact his beloved son?
When you spoke to me last, you were an emotionally immature 15 year old, and your mother was overmedicating you. (Even you seem to accept that last statement now.) So how could I ever accept that just because you are over 18 that you have made a rational, informed decision as an adult to cut me out of your life?
If not for the time that I spent fighting false criminal charges, and if your mother’s attorney had not done completely illegal things to prevent it, I would have been able to get the family court to order you to sit down with me and a therapist before you turned 18.
In fact, in 2006, I negotiated an agreement with your mother that was announced in family court. I agreed to pay $100,000 in back support for a time when I was unemployed, because I thought that I was going to get to talk to you with a therapist. (It would only have been $102,000 if I had my old salary that whole time!) You are that important to me. But your mother’s attorney wrote up a different agreement, and got the judge to sign it during an (illegal) ex-parte meeting. That version screwed me out of EVERYTHING that I thought I was getting. (But it still stuck me with 3 to 5 times as much back support as would have ever been ordered by a judge.)
In 2004, when we got our first chance in several years to talk privately, you told me that you were upset with me because allegedly, my attorney had done some shady things in family court. Boy, did you ever get that one backwards!
The evaluator that you spoke to was supposed to make recommendations to the court about what could be done to reconcile our relationship. Meeting with a therapist should have been the obvious answer. But the court order as written was that he could only recommend to the court what I could do by myself to accomplish that. I ask you, why even make recommendations to the court about things that do not require the court’s involvement? You were so alienated by then that the answer was “nothing”.
He was also supposed to make recommendations about allowing me to spend more time with your brother. But instead, it was written up that this only applied to you. Since you were already free to choose how much time to spend with me, that meant nothing. And as a result, I did not get to spend more than three hours per week with your brother before he turned 18, even though the judge who ordered those 3 hours per week EXPLICITLY said that it was a temporary order that he expected to change to allow more contact.
***************************
Here is an explanation as to how and why your mother formed delusional beliefs 1) .. 3), in chronological sequence:
In 1997, I had become undeniably mood unstable. I had a predictable 5 week mood oscillation. I went to a psychiatrist, who prescribed mood stabilizers. I found that I simply could not think while taking them, and decided that I had to find another way to deal with the problem. This did not make your mother at all happy. She started communicating with strangers on the internet, who convinced her that I was inevitably going to become a full-blown manic depressive, with probable psychotic episodes. She started to fear me and the future.
At about that time, I made a HUGE mistake: I started a new habit without ever discussing it with your mother. After she repeatedly complained about me thrashing in bed with insomnia, I tried to be considerate towards her. When I knew that I would have trouble falling asleep, I would stand next to the bed with my eyes closed for half an hour to an hour, until I was almost already asleep on my feet. She NEVER EVER told me that she had awakened during such times. (The fact that it never occurred to me that my behavior was strange is obviously suggestive evidence that I have a borderline case of Asperger’s myself.)
It was only in late 2008 that I learned that your mother would frequently wake up at such times, and that she somehow assumed that I was staring at her in a hostile manner, in an effort to deliberately torture her psychologically! (She never had enough light to see my face.) I cannot tell you how many hours I stood there longing for her to wake up, and tell me to get into bed, or at least ask what I was doing. So while she no doubt felt tortured, it was NEVER deliberate on my part. (There were some later events where I stood by the bed for a while, and then went back to the living room couch to sleep, because I couldn’t bear the idea of getting into bed and watching her scurry over to the far side of the bed again while whimpering (and apparently just pretending to be asleep as I learned after we were separated.)
Because of this, and several other pieces of circumstantial supporting evidence, I have come to believe that your mother was seriously traumatized as a child (probably molested), and that she suppressed those memories. I suspect that her family treats me the way they do partly because it is obvious to them that she has been severely traumatized, and they assume that I am the one who didi that to her.
If she has not figured this out in the last decade, then she is still repressing those memories. Why else would a woman freak out simply because she woke up to find a man standing in her bedroom at night? But also, she was always adamantly opposed to going to any form of therapy. As a well educated woman, that alone was a red flag. (Therapy constituted a threat that the memories might be forced back to her.) I also knew that the one thing that she was most afraid of was that I might start a conversation where I asked her yet again to go to a marriage counselor with me.
Ask yourself: Why am I so scary to her that she cannot ever communicate with me again? Why is she driven to make sure that nobody that she knows will ever talk to me either? I am quite certain that while she may have told you some horror stories about me, she has never been willing to open up with any details or to try to have an honest discussion about why she gets depressed with anybody. That would involve getting too close to her repressed memories.
**************************************
I am limited to 10,000 characters. More to follow (hopefully) as a reply to this post.
I know that you posted as Leeder Kreenon on a different Asperger’s forum from the biographical information that you provided. It has been 12 years since you last spoke to me. You are so well insulated from me that I have no way to tell you things that you really would want to know.
Everybody that your mother knows treats me as if I am criminally insane. Nobody will talk to me. You, your mother, and her whole family have never explained to me why all communication has been cut off. You probably assume that it is obvious to me. Guess what? It wasn’t, because the reasons are all based upon false information.
I will never accuse your mother of deliberately lying to you. But it turns out that she formed delusional beliefs about me, and never discussed them with me. But she apparently told everybody else these things, except for your brother and your sister.
It took me years to begin to understand what misinformation existed. In fact, reading your posts on the other forum was the first time that I heard about some of these things. At the time, I assumed that your first step-father lied to you. It took years for me to even imagine that your mother also believed these things.
Here is a short list denying the delusional beliefs that your mother formed about me. (Explanations to follow.):
1) I have NEVER had a psychotic episode.
2) I have never refused the advice of my psychiatrists. I did not change psychiatrists in order to avoid taking anti-psychotic medication.
My California psychiatrist is ready to support the things he knows about the explanations that I give below as to why your mother still believes these things. I knew at one time that she had falsely concluded that I was psychotic when her mind was melting down. But I thought that she got over that belief when I was finally diagnosed with ADD.
3) I never INTENTIONALLY tried to psychologically torture your mother.
4) My whole criminal record is false. Your first step-father had a talent for perjury.
There have been numerous other false allegations about me that would not have been believable if people did not believe these other things about me. I probably do not know what all of them were. But I never stalked or threatened your mother. Even you seem to believe that you saw me driving through your neighborhood in 2004 or 2005. That did not happen.
There were other false allegations: (This is just a partial list of the most ludicrous ones
5) I have never manufactured Meth!
6) I did not try to give your sister illegal drugs.
7) I did not harass your grandmother after her heart attack. (In fact, we had a very pleasant visit before I made the mistake of responding a comment that she made by telling her the truth about your mother’s choices in family court.)
*******************************
I am hoping that when (if) you read the explanations for false allegations 1)..3), you will be able to consider the idea that almost everything else that you might hold against me is also a misrepresentation.
It is true that I have spent much effort trying to contact you, in spite of your desire to avoid me. And I know that you hold that against me as well. But I am your father. I love you. And I knew that you had been alienated by false information. I just did not know what that information was until recently. What father would accept such a situation without trying to contact his beloved son?
When you spoke to me last, you were an emotionally immature 15 year old, and your mother was overmedicating you. (Even you seem to accept that last statement now.) So how could I ever accept that just because you are over 18 that you have made a rational, informed decision as an adult to cut me out of your life?
If not for the time that I spent fighting false criminal charges, and if your mother’s attorney had not done completely illegal things to prevent it, I would have been able to get the family court to order you to sit down with me and a therapist before you turned 18.
In fact, in 2006, I negotiated an agreement with your mother that was announced in family court. I agreed to pay $100,000 in back support for a time when I was unemployed, because I thought that I was going to get to talk to you with a therapist. (It would only have been $102,000 if I had my old salary that whole time!) You are that important to me. But your mother’s attorney wrote up a different agreement, and got the judge to sign it during an (illegal) ex-parte meeting. That version screwed me out of EVERYTHING that I thought I was getting. (But it still stuck me with 3 to 5 times as much back support as would have ever been ordered by a judge.)
In 2004, when we got our first chance in several years to talk privately, you told me that you were upset with me because allegedly, my attorney had done some shady things in family court. Boy, did you ever get that one backwards!
The evaluator that you spoke to was supposed to make recommendations to the court about what could be done to reconcile our relationship. Meeting with a therapist should have been the obvious answer. But the court order as written was that he could only recommend to the court what I could do by myself to accomplish that. I ask you, why even make recommendations to the court about things that do not require the court’s involvement? You were so alienated by then that the answer was “nothing”.
He was also supposed to make recommendations about allowing me to spend more time with your brother. But instead, it was written up that this only applied to you. Since you were already free to choose how much time to spend with me, that meant nothing. And as a result, I did not get to spend more than three hours per week with your brother before he turned 18, even though the judge who ordered those 3 hours per week EXPLICITLY said that it was a temporary order that he expected to change to allow more contact.
***************************
Here is an explanation as to how and why your mother formed delusional beliefs 1) .. 3), in chronological sequence:
In 1997, I had become undeniably mood unstable. I had a predictable 5 week mood oscillation. I went to a psychiatrist, who prescribed mood stabilizers. I found that I simply could not think while taking them, and decided that I had to find another way to deal with the problem. This did not make your mother at all happy. She started communicating with strangers on the internet, who convinced her that I was inevitably going to become a full-blown manic depressive, with probable psychotic episodes. She started to fear me and the future.
At about that time, I made a HUGE mistake: I started a new habit without ever discussing it with your mother. After she repeatedly complained about me thrashing in bed with insomnia, I tried to be considerate towards her. When I knew that I would have trouble falling asleep, I would stand next to the bed with my eyes closed for half an hour to an hour, until I was almost already asleep on my feet. She NEVER EVER told me that she had awakened during such times. (The fact that it never occurred to me that my behavior was strange is obviously suggestive evidence that I have a borderline case of Asperger’s myself.)
It was only in late 2008 that I learned that your mother would frequently wake up at such times, and that she somehow assumed that I was staring at her in a hostile manner, in an effort to deliberately torture her psychologically! (She never had enough light to see my face.) I cannot tell you how many hours I stood there longing for her to wake up, and tell me to get into bed, or at least ask what I was doing. So while she no doubt felt tortured, it was NEVER deliberate on my part. (There were some later events where I stood by the bed for a while, and then went back to the living room couch to sleep, because I couldn’t bear the idea of getting into bed and watching her scurry over to the far side of the bed again while whimpering (and apparently just pretending to be asleep as I learned after we were separated.)
Because of this, and several other pieces of circumstantial supporting evidence, I have come to believe that your mother was seriously traumatized as a child (probably molested), and that she suppressed those memories. I suspect that her family treats me the way they do partly because it is obvious to them that she has been severely traumatized, and they assume that I am the one who didi that to her.
If she has not figured this out in the last decade, then she is still repressing those memories. Why else would a woman freak out simply because she woke up to find a man standing in her bedroom at night? But also, she was always adamantly opposed to going to any form of therapy. As a well educated woman, that alone was a red flag. (Therapy constituted a threat that the memories might be forced back to her.) I also knew that the one thing that she was most afraid of was that I might start a conversation where I asked her yet again to go to a marriage counselor with me.
Ask yourself: Why am I so scary to her that she cannot ever communicate with me again? Why is she driven to make sure that nobody that she knows will ever talk to me either? I am quite certain that while she may have told you some horror stories about me, she has never been willing to open up with any details or to try to have an honest discussion about why she gets depressed with anybody. That would involve getting too close to her repressed memories.
**************************************
I am limited to 10,000 characters. More to follow (hopefully) as a reply to this post.
